Res<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 26, 2000).]

Hi, Jo.<P>He had been talking divorce since b/f he even left me....almost 7 months. I would always say I wanted him to be happy, but I didn't want a divorce. No more. Not even if he wanted to talk about it. It frustrated the h@@@ outta him! <P>I got the letter on Tuesday. It broke my heart and I cried and cried. He called that night for something...I don't remember what it was. We talked and laughed and I didn't bring it up. He asked me if I got it. I said "yup". He just sat there a second, quietly, and asked "what do you think?". I said "I don't think we should get a divorce, but you do what you need to do. I consider myself your wife forever." He just sighed. I do frustrate him, ya know? I didn't talk about it anymore and neither did he.<P>On Saturday, he called on his way here to fix my dryer and asked if I wanted to go off (the FIRST time in all those months!). That day, he asked "If you'll have me, I'm sorta thinking about wanting to talk about coming home again." Now THAT'S committment, huh? <P>I'm a little bit of a pain in the butt. See, we never had any of those "relationship" or "marriage" or "affair" talks that everyone around here seems to have. Not the whole time until that drive that day. He couldn't handle it and my instinct told me that it wasn't the right time, no matter how much I needed it. So I just kinda made up my mind and did my thing. When he mentioned my still wearing my rings, even though he was planning marriage to PT, I just said "Yup, I'm married and I'll always be YOUR wife, no matter what, so I'm NOT taking them off." He asked "what about after the divorce." "We shouldn't get a divorce and it doesn't change how I feel so I'm not taking them off." He'd just shake his head and roll his eyes. But later he looked at them and, really quietly said "Thank you, Lori."<P>To tell you the truth, Jo, I figured all along that he was gonna divorce me. I really did. I pretty much knew he didn't love PT, but that didn't mean he wanted to stay married to me! So I didn't lovebust, but I stood strong by MY feelings and convictions. I didn't fight ANYTHING, but I didn't help either, know what I mean?<P>Hope that helps. <P>Luv ya!<P>Lori

I find your strength helpful to me Lor.<P>Hang in there Jo.

My H never wrote a letter. He informed me afew weeks into his affair that he wanted a divorce. It was like talking to a complete stranger. He was very detached and totally disillusioned, said he'd keep the house and set me up in an apartment which he'd pay for until I got on my feet (LOL!!!) we'd always be friends (doubt that!), said an annulment would be the quickest and easiest way etc. I was in complete shock and devastation. I told him I would contest a divorce (absolutely no annulment!) the house was HALF mine and I wasn't leaving it, if we divorced he would be never be my friend (with friends like that...). He disappeared for 3 days. During that time I found out I was pregnant and I also saw a lawyer. In my state no decree of divorce will be granted until the child is born so that bought me time. When H resurfaced I simply told him "I know how you feel, but I want you to please keep an open mind, this is your home, the door is open, it's not too late to turn back" He said he would keep thinking about it. He was a total [censored] for about a month and a half, then he started to miss me and change his mind. then there was the dreaded back and forth for afew months. I never would have divorced without a fight. Resilient, if this isn't what you want, buy as much time as possible.