O.K. As some of you know I moved out on Saturday (10/14) Per H's request. Well this is the second separation, 1st was after D-Day in August of 99. <BR>Right now there is a sort of tug-0-war going on inside me. Do I call him? Do I wait for him to contact me? I just wondered if any of you had some advice. I have to wonder if he is back with OW. I have no hard evidence, only intuition. <BR>I guess the main reason I want to talk to him is because I want to know that he is o.k. and I want to be able to see where we stand. But I also don't want to step in where I maybe just need to let him (hopefully) fall flat on his face! <BR>He is not angry at me and when I left he was very nice and said "you would make the perfect wife for somebody, you don't deserve me, you deserve much better" So I am just torn about this one. I talked with Jennifer Harley on Monday and we agreed that I would wait for him to contact me but as the days pass it keeps getting harder for me.

KAW,<BR>I'm sorry, I'm not up on your situation, but I do know about separations.<P>If you are in Plan B, you don't contact. And it is tough.<P>Jennifer Harley's advice carries great weight, if you are confused or unsure, can you get clarification from her?<P>I always kept in contact with my H, and except for the last separation, was in Plan A...but he moved in and out 7 times in a time period of 2 years with 14 months out of the house. You don't want that! <P>No contact for a time period may save you some turmoil, sometimes it is difficult to look long-term when you miss them so miserably.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

I am in a similar situation. Only my H moved out and has an apt. I let him contact me, and then I go into Plan A. I quit calling him, or asking him to come over. This seems to be working, as he calls me at least twice a day. Last week he spent six nights on our couch....Comes over to wash his clothes and leaves them at the house. Yes, I am very confused...But I am trying to find myself, and with God's help I am beginning to. I do know that God loves me, and is right besides me...In my lonely times I get on my knees and keep praying, when I am done I feel so much better. Go for awhile without contacting him, and see what he does, after a while if you have not heard from him, then see how he is doing.<P>Vincent

I tried posting this reply yesterday but the internet went down! Here it is.<P>Lor: Thanks for responding. I am not in plan B, I guess I am in Plan A (when I can be) As far as contacting Jennifer, I suppose I can, sometimes I just hate to keep calling and calling and calling, if you know what I mean.<BR>I do miss him terribly, but who I miss wasn't there when I left if that makes sense. He has changed to someone I don't want to be with. I keep praying for the H I fell in love with to return. Perhaps you are right, it would save some turmoil. I probably do need to get my mail though, wondering if I should have someone go pick it up for me? I am currently about 25 miles from home. <BR>Lor, you seem pretty strong form the posts I have read of yours. This time it is different than last time. Last time I separated H was calling and coming to see me and saying all sorts of nice stuff to get me back (which he didn't follow through on). This time it seems more final I guess because he isn't trying to contact me. <P>Vincent: Thanks for your thoughts also, I hope things work out for you and your H. You are both right, I will go a while and see what happens. I worry about him too much, I need to turn this over to God because there is nothing I can do about him. Do any of you who are Christians ever have times where you wonder why this is happening, I mean I have been praying about this for over a year now and it seems we are still in a bad bad spot. I wish I knew God's Plans!

KAW,<BR>I'm a Christian...and I asked God "why" more times than I want to think about, but I'll try to snapshot how I think of it all and some thoughts that help me sort through it. And, a disclaimer, I'm not a theologian .<P>#1 Everybody has trouble, and Believers are no exception. Think of Job. Satan asks God's permission to test him. It is allowed. Sometimes we are "sifted like wheat" as Peter was to refine our faith. At times I wonder if Satan lets unbelievers alone because they are where he wants them--unbelieving.<P>#2 Sin sets unseen wheels in motion. We make bad choices, our spouse makes bad choices, OP & strangers make bad choices and the wheels spin creating turmoil that touches lives that may even be seemingly unrelated.<P>#3 The earth is Satan's provinance, but as Christians we are given the tools to resist and overcome. We have to know how to use God's Word & Will when faced with very difficult circumstances. It doesn't mean we won't ever be hurt or killed, but this life is not our goal, eternity with Christ is.<P>#4 God has a plan. He can use all things to good for those that believe in him and follow his ways. He also does it in his own time "I will restore the years the locust has stolen" (Joel 2:25). But first, the locust steals those years, not a fun thought. Think of the nation of Israel in the desert for 40 years, Abraham waiting for his descendents.<P>#5 You can trust God, even when you can trust in nothing else--spouse, family, work.<P>#6 My husband is not my God. God is my God. If I please God, in His order, I will please my husband. If I only work to please my H...I personally lose my footing on the path.<BR>That doesn't mean I can't Plan A, Plan A is completely compatible with 1 Peter 3 with direction for wives & husbands. (the dreaded submissive wife passage, if you get a chance, read it in the Amplified version of the Bible to get an expanded meaning of *submissive*.)<P>KAW, if you haven't dropped in on the Women's Bible Study Board here on the MB forums, you might find it really helpful.

Lor:<P>Thanks for your encouragement!!!!!! As you know by experience I am sure, I have up days and down days, Tomorrow will be 1 weeks since I moved, but Today is a good day so far, I feel peace and contentment with God right now, and your post really helps confirm that. I will go and check out the Women's bible study section later, that sounds good. I cannot imagine going thru something like this without God in my life giving me his strenght to get thru day by day. <P>Bless you Lor!<P>Kristin