I don't now if I missed this in the SAA book or not ... but when I plan B'd my H it made him angry at me.<P>Even tho he "said" he read the book, he wanted to know why I did not talk to him. Why I did not respond to his emails. Why I never responded back to him regarding his thank you for his Bday present. He was not overtly angry with me on Tues when we talked, but he was definetly not happy about it. He seemed to resent it and thought I was being very uncaring of him.<P>I know that TT experienced the same thing w/her H, so what the heck is that when they get mad at no contact, I mean, afterall, they're with someone else, Jeeeez! Do they expect us to be there so they can pile the pain and blame that they're feeling "on us" instead of having to suck it in themselves????<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited October 19, 2000).]

Jo, you know I had to respond to this one. I just don't get it either....but then again, maybe I do.<P>I think for the MLCer, control is a real issue.<P>Yes, it is interesting, that my H got so mad. Even told his mom in June..."she's not talking to me".... like I was the problem. Of course, now we know by then OW was already pregnant!!!!<P>Hello!!!<P>But back to the control thing. It's a teen rebellion thing. They are going to do things the way they want no matter what. We are viewed as the parent.<P>So funny.<P>What works for me, is to just set the boundaries I want and just let him go.<P>I bet you if you began talking to him again he would not push the D. When I let H back in at first he was very solicitous...as time went on he began to feel comfortable and started changing things and doing what he wanted again. But I am at a different place anyway....than him at this point so I am OK.<P>

Resilient, I just replied to you but must've hit the wrong button AGAIN!!! Grrrrr. It's titled "I think it does make them mad..." by Robino. <P>I think I'll take some Tylenol for my fever and go to bed. I've done this TWICE today.<P>Robino

Jo,<BR>I have been reading your posts today.Plan B made my H angry too.I think it is a control thing also.He couldnt get ahold of me, so he would post here in MB,he knew I read MB.<P>H slowly stopped trying to respond to me.Now he is doing a reverse plan B on me.<P>Beth

Jo, <P>I never had to go to plan B, but it makes sense to me. They are in the "fog" of their affair, but still want us, the BS too. They have balances for both in their lovebanks. Plan B is a wake-up call, they are going to lose you! They get angry, why are you doing this to me? Forgetting they are doing it to themselves...

Let's remember the other goal...<P>...to prepare ourselves of the unthinkable...<P>...life independent of WS.<P>Don't let it bother you...<P> <P>Jim

Hi Resilient,<P>It actually could be good thing that your H is mad, it shows that he still wants you in his life, he's just not ready to do it your terms yet.<P>Remember anger typicaly is a cover for another emotion (fear?), or a tool for achieving an end.<P>Be strong, I know its hard. <P>I think it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. Telling her don't call, write, stop by, anything. It did the trick though, she came back and were still together<P>Good luck,<BR>Jason<P><P>------------------<BR>"Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world."<BR>- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe