I don't want to lose sight of my other thread because I've gotten so much food for thought and everyone that replies makes me think more and helps me so much. But I want to ask you this before I approach my H.<BR>My H has told me that he has only had contact with the OW when needed for child support, which really has only been about 3 times since July, d-day. He also swears that he only heard from her regarding the revelation of the pregnancy, and the birth of the other child before d-day since he stopped the A in Sept. 99. Also, I beleive that he has answered every question honestly because to be honest with you alot of the answers hurt me, and he knew they would, yet as he has said he feels I desrve the truth now.I guess I figure what else does he have to hide? He has already hurt me in every conceivable way. The only thing he didn't do was chose her at the end of the A.<BR>I have read many posts of BS finding out that their H is still in contact or involved. And I know I couldn't handle that.<BR>The day I found out I went thru every drawer in our room, his garmet bag, breifcase, anywhere that he could hide anything, almost as if I was in a rage to find something. Now I'm no supersleuth and have on two occasions looked thru his daily planner and card holder since that day. In his planner I found a fax from the OWs obgyn indicating that he knew of the pregnancy, or of the possibility a few weeks before he told me he did. In his card holder I found a wal-mart phone card.<BR>The fax bothers me because I have stressed that if we are to have a chance to working this out he must be brutally honest. He has agreed. The fax is dated end of Dec. 99 and he says he found out about the baby end of Jan, a week before I found out I was pregnant. The phone card bothers me because he really doesn't need it. The only reason I can think of is that the OW works at the same company and his car phone is with that company and may be using it to discuss the child support rather than doing it front of me at home.<BR>Now do I approach him? He could come back with some reasonable explainations. He knows I don't trust him at all right now, and I'm afraid if I do say that I have looked in his things he will only become better at hiding things, or feel that he needs to because he can't trust me not to snoop. I also feel that I won't rest until I know the answers, but can I believe him? God, I can't do this. I have no idea what to think, or how to believe anymore.<BR>Any thoughts as usual, would be greatly appreciated (to either this post or one on the 18th). And once again, sorry for the long post. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Not Giving Up (edited October 19, 2000).]

Dear Not Giving UP,<P>I have been where you are and its miserable! You are seeking the truth, not knowing makes you feel crazy....Please take my advice. Try to just relax. It is probably the most difficult thing to do. Every time I would approach my H with some evidence I had uncovered he would become more secretive and that would make me even more crazy. These things just sort of snowball, the more you snoop, the more they hide, etc. It took me months to find out where my H would park the car when visiting the OW. AFter I found out, I told him about it and guess what....he found a new parking place. I still don't know where the new place was! And so I became even more crazy. Be cautious with some of your knowledge....there may be perfectly reasonable explanations but I learned to go with my gut feeling. Concentrate on Plan A...that's what I did...and the Plan is really working....hang in there!