I'll assume you know my wife plans on moving, has OM, but the status is questionable. Been like this for over 4 months. She's been up and down lately. Today she left me notes by our bed...<P>"Thank you for doing my laundry. Sorry if I snapped at you. I really appreciate it. Thanks. [wife]<P>(few days ago she snapped at me and said not to do her laundry anymore, after doing it for the past several months)<P>"Also, thank you for doing a great job with the kids. You are an amazing father"<P>"Also, thanks for being so patient with things. It is hard for both of us right now, but I am confident we will be able to at least be friends. You are an amazing person. Don't ever forget it" [wife]<P>I'm thinking these are good signs, because I also believe OM is not offering future, and perhaps things are changing there a bit. I think she still is crazy over him, but does it look like Plan A is at least working a bit for me? I'm not going to alter things at all...just full steam ahead with Plan A, and I don't want to get my hopes up regarding our future together, but I'm happy about this stuff.<P>Thanks for listening to me and helping me so much. I feel kind of guilty for putting the note contents on the forum, but she won't see it anyway.

I'd be cautiously optimistic. Maybe its the beginning of a realization of just how much she is losing. <P>The line about "still being friends" tells me she knows, at least subconciously, that she still needs you to fulfill some of her ENs.<P>Keep your head up, and keep up with Plan A.<P>I also suspect that moving out will be very, very hard for her.<P>Good luck!

Geez dude, you got a thank you? In written form? With a compliment?<P>Wow, I really envy you. The only time I get noticed is when I mess up.<P>

I'd take it as a sort of good sign too. She can actually see something good you did. My H would not say a thank you to me no matter what I did.<BR>Lora

Rick<P>I read your post and it appears we have a lot in common. My wife is full steam ahead with moving out to live with the OM. But I am getting the same messages "still want to be friends", she leaves me cards and buys flowers for me, we go out to lunch/dinner together, this is all after 8 weeks of me in Plan A. I am trying not to read to much in to it as she is still full on with OM and has plans for them to be together. The biggest problem for me is that the more she responds to my meeting her needs the more in love I am with her and the harder it will be if we separate. I feel you need to keep this in mind and not build up your hopes too much even although it is encouraging.

I like the words cjack used "cautiously optimistic," but as a WS I think it's a huge sign that your Plan A is doing something, something positive!<P>I know she still has feelings for the OM, but for me, the biggest thing that helped me through recovery was to stop focusing on myself, my feelings and be kind to my H. Things really started to turn around for me when I started thanking my H for "putting up with me," thanking him for doing my laundry (believe it or not, the similarities between your wife and me are very ironic), enouraging him by telling him how handsome he was, how patient he was. I was focusing on the good things about my H, and that made me "feel" something good.<P>I look at the "friends" statement in a very, very positive light, and I don't mean to get your hopes up, but the way she put it, it sounds like she may have a little hope that things MIGHT just have a chance. Now, maybe she's letting you down easy by saying that we can AT LEAST be friends - to me that sounds like maybe she's willing to open the door to more - the least is friends, what's the best? Maybe she is thinking, very seriously about reconciliation.<P>Right after my affiar, as I was starting to come out of the fog - when I realized things would never, ever work out with the OM in real life, I was still confused as to whether or not I was "in love" with my H or not - thus the statements like "if things don't work out, I want to be friends," "you're a great guy (even if things don't work out)", and my all-time favorite "sorry if I snapped at you." <P>She realizes that she's been mean and irritable, she's starting to realize what she could stand to lose - if things don't work out. <P>I don't know if you watch basketball or not, but now's the time for a "Full Court Press" as far as Plan A is concerned. Thank her for things that she does for you and the kids, remind her that she is a good mother, encourage her, support her, apologize when you LB (not saying that you do that, but IF you do ). Continue to be amazing. . .<P>Even though these little notes are small and may not seem like much - from my perspective, it is a huge leap for her, she has some spark of hope. . .you've just got to nurture that sprk until it turns into a flame. VERY, VERY good news. . .Thanks for the update. . .I love happy updates, and I think this is happy!!!

I don't know what your or your wife's age is, but here is something interesting I found. Look at this article about the different stages of affairs and maybe you'll recognize some similarities.<BR>It's at <A HREF="http://www.midlife.com/html/resources/articles/RA08_Causes.html" TARGET=_blank>www.midlife.com/html/resources/articles/RA08_Causes.html</A> <P>AR<BR>

Hi Rick! I don't think I've posted to you before, but have kept up with your story. I would take these notes as a good sign that she's possibly turning around a little. I also like "cautiously optimistic", because this could turn around again at any moment. I always got my hopes up too high, and then when something more negative would happen again, I was crushed. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, though, in viewing it as a good thing, but not taking it as everything is suddenly on the right track.<P>Best of luck, and I hope that she "sees the light" before moving out!! You are in my prayers!

Hi Rick,<P>I too believe you are getting a good sign.<P>I think the "friends" statement runs deeper than it appears. She is putting her toe back in the warm water of your marriage. She does not want to directly say there is hope because she is still in her fog, but you are getting clear signs she is still attracted to you.<P>You must be doing a fantastic job. Keep it up and she may unpack!<P>Bob

Thanks everyone for the responses. Of course, she is still moving forward with the move plans, but there is a minor difference in the air, so Plan A will keep going. I know it takes patience, time, and consistency. But I look at these notes as a result of Plan A. Only a very small step, but important, and it certainly feeds my Plan A fire. Thanks again.