Other BSs, please tell me you get this, too. My wife (WS) is a master of sending mixed messages. One day she'll say something that suggests reconciliation is just a matter of time (we're currently separated, d-day + 4 months, Plan A), the next day she'll not give me the time of day. Is this an artifact of the fog? It sure keeps me spinning and I don't want to LB by trying to get definitive answers - I assume her brain is still being controlled by alien abductors. Please tell me this is part of the territory!<P>WAT

Worthatry, that is absolutely part of the "fog"! I didn't even bother trying to get straight answers after awhile, because it just frustrated the h*** out of me! They don't know how they really feel and that comes out in their answers to us, constantly!!!

Worthatry-<BR>I'm right there with you. H (WS) moved out about 2 months ago, D-Day 6 weeks ago. Lots of mixed messages. I do think it's part of the territory, maybe the fog beginning to clear, but not totally gone. I see this as a good sign, though. I think it means that Plan A is working. And remember, Plan A is how we establish a new track record- and I for one have a lot of work to do to make him feel safe and cared about.<P>You know, before I read your post, I was thinking about asking someone to give me a pep talk about time, patience, consistency. Sounds like you could use one too?

Cloudy - you're right. I find good pep talks browsing old posts and it helps alot. It's so darn frustrating for me with my WS. In the same conversation she said she needed more time to heal and sorta agreed to counseling, but "Not with the guy we tried the first time," but also asked if I'd signed the separation papers yet - "that's the first step." First step? First step to divorce rather than counseling. PTC.<P>WAT

Worthatry-<BR>I have another suggestion if you haven't done this already. A couple of weeks ago I told my H that I was going to call Steve Harley and make an appointment for me. I told him that I was realizing the part that I played in the state of our marriage before the A and was having difficulty dealing with it. I called Steve and talked to him first. Steve wanted to talk to my H- just to get the whole story so he could better help me. Their conversation wa 1 1/2 hours long with Steve pointing out some of the concepts of MB. My H is stuck in the "I don't feel in love, therefore it won't work" mode. I think Steve helped a little in helping H realize that "in love" is a product of meeting needs and avoiding LB- not something that just happens. H now has a better understanding that we went a long time not meeting each others needs and doing a lot of LB. He is at least now very confused- which for him is a step in the right direction because a couple of months ago, he knew he wanted a D and had all the details worked out in his mind.<P>If you haven't had counseling with one of the Harley's, I would strongly suggest it- even if it's just for you and the two of you.

I get the same mixed messages, and I've seen it so often on MB, that I know it is normal. Also, I too consider it a good sign, because at times it is only bad messages, so I'll take mixed. It lets me know that she has not written us off yet. And the business of talking nicely, then asking if papers are signed yet, is similar to my situation. She wrote me some really nice notes, but then went out and bought some furniture that will be for her new place, but at the same time, told me she wants to wait 2 more months before moving out. Asked me to go to a movie next week, yet did some more preparations for moving (hookups etc.). So, just mixed messages and confusion.<P>Lets hang in there and Plan A because I think we see that it does have an impact. I too need pep talks sometimes to get through certain days/events. Of course I come on here to get them. Even reading others posts and responses.