Can someone please give me a pep talk about time, patience and consistency!!!!!<P>H is showing signs of fog clearing and we are having moments of emotional connection. Then, it seems that he feels the connection, it scares him, and he withdraws again.<P>On top of that, his relationship with OW seems to not be going well. He will spend a week or so in what appears to be withdrawal, then sees or talks to her again and the withdrawal goes away for a while.<P>I'm having a hard time not pushing for more during our connections and not questioning him about OW. I can see that he is slowly responding to my Plan A, I just want it to happen faster!<P>Please help me convince myself before I really mess up the positive steps we have taken.

Cloudy,<BR> I'm not much of a cheerleader, but here goes: Patience is one of the hardest virtues there is. By its very definition, you can't hurry it or "microwave" it. I can tell you that in many cases, patience pays off. You will be a better person, feel better about yourself, and gain admiration from others for patience. Think ahead, say five years from now. No matter how it all turns out now, will you be able to say you gave it all you had? Will you be able to move forward knowing that you kept your head high, took the high road, and fulfilled your vows? If you can, you, your husband, family, and friends will respect your decisions and actions taken now.

Cloudy - as you suggested in your response to my post "mixed messages" we all need a boost now and then. If you think he's going through intermittant withdrawal, that's a lot better than continuously being in pea soup fog! All part of the roller coaster and it seems all of our experiences have so much similarities that you can take comfort knowing you're doing all you can. It's hard, but it sounds like you're working the plan perfectly - don't push for more and don't stop what you've been doing!!<P>WAT

Thanks guys.<P>I know we all have this problem. And yes- this is better than the fog all the time, when he seemed like his brain had been transplanted and I didn't know or like the new one. It's just the rollercoaster thing- I get so encouraged by little things, think things are getting better, then we take 2 steps backwards. I know this will happen and call myself being prepared for it, it's just gets soooo hard to wait for the next forward step.<P>Thanks for being there. I know I would have long ago lost my sanity if not for this board. Friends and family all think I'm crazy- they just don't understand.<P>So, thanks again. H called this morning offering to feed the dogs while kids and I are out of town tonight. Good conversation, both of us lighthearted and kidding around. Maybe things are looking up again.

Hi Cloudy,<P>I am not feeling to peppy either, but I do want to add my encouragement. This is what you have been waiting for, it is all going according to the book, you stay sane and safe and be the reasonable alternative as OW starts to LB herself into oblivian.<P>Hang in there! Now is the time to really just ignore his relationship with OW and keep on being the strong woman you are. It is about your relationship not his mess up with the OW. <P>Keep us posted, I need the encouragement of seeing things going right.<BR>Lora

Cloudy,<P>This sounds like to me he is begining to come back to the real world. The connection with you and then the distance from you shows contact is still going on. That is why no contact is the only way for him to get over this. A letter of no contact is what he must do and it is something you can suggest. Let him know that he is going to be on this roller coaster ride until he ends all contact. The OW woman is just going to keep messing up his mind until that happens. Your H is going to have to end all contact himself though. Nobody but him can end it. <P>Give it time and understanding, but let him know that you are not going to let this wavering contact destroy you or him. Let him know that he still has a chance to WIN you back if he ends all contact. Don't be a doormat, instead, be a door through which he can walk and find love and happiness again. <P>Good Luck.....fs

Lora-<BR>I know that I need to ignore his relationship with OW for now. And I'm trying. I think he is starting to figure it out. He had a phone session with Steve Harley last week and he's really been thinking about what Steve said.<P>Thanks for your encouragement. And I'm thinking about and praying for you too.<P>Firestorm-<BR>I understand what you are saying and totally agree. However, H moved out saying he wanted a D and has been emotionally distant for a couple of years. If I tell him no contact at this point, he will have no contact with me. He is not at all convinced that we can rebuild our marriage or that he even wants to try. I have been trying to Plan A and meet the needs that I wasn't meeting before and eliminate the LB. It is only beginning to haave any impact at all. I think I need to continue to Plan as long as I can, as long as it is having an effect. I hope that there will come a time for a no contact letter, but not yet. His relationship with OW must end between them, not something that I insist on. I have to prove a new track record before he can even think about the possibility of rebuilding our marriage.<P>Hopefully, Steve can help him see the importance of no contact, but he will not hear it from me- not right now anyway.

<BR>Hi Cloudy:<P>Having one of those days, Huh.<P>We all have them....it's hard not to....when it looks like it's going to take forever and there seems to be so little progress. And on top of that H's wishy-washy attitude also has to be dealt with.<P>Remember though that that wishy-washy attitude means its affected him...even if he tries to backoff. I think it confuses them because it weakens their resolve that the relationship with OW is for the best. <P>So here a cheer for you because you're doing well:<P>Y E A ! C L O U D Y ! W A Y T O G O!<P>And a hug thrown in because we're proud of you:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Cloudy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm sending an angel your way tonight, so if you feel a gentle touch on your cheek then you know she's there with you.<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<BR>

YEAH CLOUDY!<P>Same thing happened to me right before he decided to call it quits with OW. It was all I could do to bite my tongue! It pays off. You have given him something to think about; that's you. Keep up the good work.<P>cleo

Here's a little story for ya.... Hope it helps.<P>One day a woman took her daughter to the flower shop. While she was talking with the lady who worked there, her daughter walked over to the other side of the garden to look at the roses; her favorite flower.<P>They had many different kinds of rose bushes but there was this one that was covered in rose buds. None of the buds had bloomed yet and the little girl wanted to see what this kind of rose would look like in full bloom as it was a different color than any she had every seen. It was sorta a hybrid of differnt colors.<P>So the little girl started trying to open one of the little rose buds herself so that she could see what it was going to look like. But the little rose bud started weakening and falling apart. As the petals started falling and hitting the ground the little girl started to cry.<P>When her mother heart her crying she came to see what was wrong. The little girl told her mother what she had done and that she was upset because the little rose bud started falling apart and was now broken and she didn't know how to fix it.<P>The mother looked at her little girl with tear stained cheeks and said to her gently. There are things in life that you just can't help along any faster than God and nature intended. When we try, to hurry things along when it isn't time yet, they will usually fall apart. But if we are patient and give things the time that they need, they will bloom into a beautiful rose. We just need to be patient and know that the best things come to those who wait.<P>Hang in there,<BR>Genie

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate your support and encouragement. You brought tears to my eyes. Of course, that's a little easier to do these days. Overall, H and I are doing much better, it just gets a little difficult to keep my eye on the target and not obsess about the day to day bumps in the road.<P>Thanks again!!!