My H asked how different my reaction would have been if his A had been with another MAN instead of an OW.<P>We were just being whimsical--my H is not inclined in the least--we were just talking but it kind of got me thinking.<P>I don't think my self-esteem would have taken such a blow as it did when I inevitably compared myself to a same sex OP. <P>And everyone who found out about the A would be looking strangely at my "crossed over" H instead of "What's so wrong with his W that he'd have to go find another woman?" It's what I perceive other people must say, anyway. <P>And I don't think I've heard of this happening here--perhaps there's another site that deals with such things.<P>Just pondering the ridiculous...<P>

leilana,<P>There have been several posters who found out their spouses where having an affair with someone of the same sex. Most of the affairs however were lesbian in nature. It really didn't seem to make much difference the pain and suffering was very much the same. <P>When someone you love has an affair, there is no dodging the bullet called pain.<P>Hope this helps.<P>JL

Really? I must have been away or on brain vacation. <P>So how are these people doing? Is there recovery for such affairs? <P>Someone's post today on comparing themselves to the OW and their loss of self-esteem got me thinking on that topic/conversation my H and I had. <P>So the pain is the same. I guess the self-esteem issue is pretty messed up as well but for different reasons.<P><BR>

Leilana,<P>Read ThisAlex's posts. His wife left the marriage to be with her lesbian girl friend. Another man just posted (I cannot remember the name) that his W is apparently wrapped up with her best friend and boss (a woman). There was a lady who posted here in Jan. (again cannot remember her name) who had a lesbian affair but was getting back with H.<P>So these things do happen. I believe ThisAlex who by the way often offers great advice is getting divoreced from his W.<P>It is a tragic mess no matter how this stuff comes about.<P>Hope this sets your H straight a bit.<P>JL

I thought of this some years ago when I was modelling because many of the people working within the fashion and entertainment industries are not into hetero-relationships.<P>An acquaintance of mine returned home early one afternoon to find her H with his male lover. She left and divorced him right away. Who can compete with that sort of EN (?) the H doesn't find in the marriage? <BR>She went into a lesbian relationship because of her fear and distrust in men. Recently she got married to a younger man. A few of the models also waffled between going out with butches to oily rich men for some favours (fame vs money).<P>I was shocked to hear that even married men with children can subcumb to the sweet talk of an experienced male. There are very successful men who had to marry and have children for the sake of their careers but who are otherwise in the closets. Some are just tempted.<P>I think that adultery is heartbreaking enough without having confusing sexual identities issues to deal with. Although the route usually taken by the BS is divorce in such cases because now you are dealing with something far more than the normal temptation.<P>My male friends do tell me that biblically what they are doing is against the teachings of God, but that they do not feel the inclination in the normal way. These are homosexuals. But they are of the view that they would not trust a bisexual because that is far too complicated and confusing; it is a no win situation.<P>Often, the husbands/boyfriends feel less threatened by the females than the wives/girlfriends by the men because of emotional bond versus physical bond.<P>I am definitely no authority on this, just that a lot of people open up and confide in me and some even tried to 'pick me up' but they respect me enough when I tell them to leave me alone and that I will pray for them. <P>