Dear Peppermint,<P>In regards to your praying with your husband...where do you get your prayers?<P>Do you make them up as you go or are you reading them and from what source? Are you reading the bible and what book did you begin with and why?<P>I would like to do this with my H. I have thought many times that this would be a very bonding experience for us too.<P>I have had several very devout people tell me we should do this, it would help.<P>If you were not accustomed to doing this together, did you feel strange or silly at first? I am afraid to ask my H to do this for fear he would think it strange, out of character or pretensious.<P>Let me know how you got started praying and what sources you used for encouragement.<P>Thanks,<P>Cathy

Hi Cathy,<P>Don't worry about feeling awkward or silly. It is easy compared to all the other awkwardness that is created by an affair.<P>I have always prayed silently when we were together at night, out loud during the day when I have my "little talks" with God. During the worst time after this discovery, my Mom asked me if I was praying about this. I told her that I was, but it felt like God wasn't listening. She told me that he always listened if I was serious about it. My mom told me that if I was praying really sincerely that I should be on my knees and praying out loud. I tried it, and immediately felt a sense of peace and calm that I hadn't before.<P>I never said anything to firestorm about it, but occasionally he would come into the bedroom when I was praying. After a little while, he suggested that we start praying together and I agreed. I would still pray out loud, but he would pray silently at first. Now we kneel side-by-side and take turns praying out loud and listening to the other. We just say whatever is in our hearts, never the exact same thing twice. Sometimes we focus on our children and our marriage, sometimes our need for guidance and strength, anything we feel is important.<P>It has been the very best thing we have done in this whole mess, and I highly recommend it to anyone who is a believer. Even for anyone who isn't, because there is nothing to lose and everything to gain.<P>Peppermint