I know the exact pain your are in. My H had an A with my BF also. Not just once but twice. In 4/95 they had a one time fling. She wrote me and told me in 8/95. We were living on the other side of the US at the time so I didn't have a way to deal with her.<BR>We moved in 7/96 to the same state as she lives in. I finally got in touch with her and we reconciled. I thought we were doing well and we visited fairly often. She came to visit in 4/99 and oops they did it again. She never told me and he didn't either. I found out from the sherrif. He brought me Paternity papers for my H from her. The kid turned out to be his. She never appologized. (She even invited my mother and I to her baby shower)<BR>I know how you feel when you think "this is the person who was suppoed to help me through this kind of thing".<BR>I have been very blessed to have found such wonderful suupport here. <BR>I heard a quuote that i thought of when I read your cry for help. "Forgiveness is letting go of my right to hurt you for hurting me". It will take time but if you choose every day to take care of you there is healing.

OMG LadyGirl,<P>I can't imagine the hurt and pain you must have gone thru. It's just unimaginable ... <P>I am so sorry for what you've been thru ... not all people are like you BF, you must know what by now ... <P>I can't fathom what you must have been feeling when they hooked-up again in 99 and then the news of OC ... my blessings to you LadyGirl ... you really must be someone very special.<P>God Bless you,<P>Love,<BR>Jo

HI Ladygirl,<P>Thank you so much for posting this for me. I wish I was in a more positive mood so I could return the favor.<P>I can imagine your hurt only too well. And what is so hard is I wish it were anger on my end-not hurt. I have had people say "well if she could do that to you then she sure wasn't a friend now was she". I keep wondering..am I fooling myself? I thought she was my friend. I thought we were friends. She treated me as though we were. In the late summer of 98 my family and I moved. It was just to a neighboring town but it meant my kids would no longer be in the same school system as her kids. I don't remember when H first started telling me he didn't want to do things with the OC but it was around the time we moved. We had done so much together already that I would ask H WHY. His response was that he felt the OWH was a bit of a know it all and he just didn't care for his company. So I cooled my jets and tried to get to know someone in this god forsaken town. I did meet people but no one who had the same likes as myself or the same lifestyle. The OW and I had many many similarities in our choice of music, camping, kids, laughing and teasing, shopping (I won't say men-I really won't). I remember at one time telling her how we would never fight over a man (we were and are still both married) becasue she likes them different from what I like. I swear to goodness I said that at a time when they had already begun their nonsense.<P>This OW told me about a couple and another couple who were good friends. They all went camping. The one gal said she was going to call her H who was on his way to campa fter working I think it was and make sure he didn't forget anything. She asked the oher couple if they needed him to bring them anything they had forgotten. She took off and the other guy took off and three hours later they show back up at camp. The gal who was left alone knew instantly there was somethign not good going on. It ended with both couples divorcing and the one guy and gal marrying. The gal who is no longer married happens to be my youngest sons soccer coach-she is a really nice gal. The guy who dumped her just happened to graduate from high school with me and married a good friend of mine but later divorced her and told such a horrendous story I just didn't even listen. So when the OW told me all this she knew my feelings on it all right then and there. She also had the gall to tell me of another gal who she was sure was slipping around and seeing a local guy. And she was right-that gal and her H just had the divorce finalized last week. SHE KNEW I AHTED THIS TYPE OF GARBAGE YET FOR 2 YEARS THEY CONTINUE?<P>I am not totally blaming her. My H is as responsible for his actions as she is for hers. I asked H today why-why the hell for 2 years? He knew how I felt too. His answer-I don't know. I wanted to just scream. WHY? 2 years of lies. 2 years of deceit. 2 years of making me look like a donkeys [censored]. <P>The OW knew how much I loved my H-but didn't care enough to leave her own pleasure points to her H.<P>Maybe I am mad.<P>No-I am sad. I hurt all over. I miss her and I wish I didn't. I wish I wasn't such an emotional person. But I don't just jerk people around and use them for however long. I expect to have a friend for life.<P>What friend? I don't have one.<P>Thank you again for the post. It was very nice of you and I do appreciate it even though I am groweling here. I jsut hurt. I am sorry.<P>Best of luck to you-I can't imagine that being my life <P>Hugs,<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Heartache,<BR>I know what you mean about missing her. I felt that way for a long time. That is why we reconciled. (I thought) <BR>I too felt like a total fool. I still feel ashamed. Stupid I know because it was not my fault. <BR>I feel so glad to know there are good women out there who aren't looking to steal my H. <BR>The grieving in our cases is a lot like dealing with a death. Feel the anger and pain, then let it go before it eats you up. (it will eat you up if you let it) <BR>I will pray that you find someone to be the friend in your life. You deserve a friend who loves and respects you and your family.<BR>

Ladygirl75-<P>HI again and thanks for responding. I was hoping you would return!<P>Would you mind giving me your e-mail address? I don't really want to post mine on here and I understand if you don't either.<P>Also-what is the 75 after your nickname? Curious-as I graduated in 75.<P>I hope to talk to you soon.<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

The 75 is for the year I was born.<BR>I don't mind putting my e-mail out here.<BR>Ladygirl75@hotmail.com<BR>I would love to hear from you.