There's something I need to ask and I can already tell you that most, if not all, of you will vote against me.<P>OK, here it is:<P>My husband and I bought this car last year. It's what he wanted but we used $3000 of my money along with $300 for a CD player too. OK, when my husband gets mad when there's something wrong with the car, he says it's mine and throws it in my face that I wanted to buy this car even though I don't like Honda Civics. <P>OK, today, I woke up and could already tell I would have a bad day because I have a slight headache. My husband woke up at 7:45am because he has to go to work at 9am. I asked him if he could ask for a ride to work from his parents because I wasn't feeling so hot, but I wanted to see my family later on. He goes downstairs and says whatever to his mom and comes and tells me that I have to take him because they can't. <P>OK, I guess because it was that I was so tired and angry of having to get up early 7 days a week (I wake up at 6am and leave at 6:30am to be to work at 7:45am Mon-Fri, then I wake up at 8:35am on Saturdays to take him to work, and then there's 9am on Sunday to take him to work), and I just basically had it. You're opinion of these next couple of sentences will be LBs, but I felt he needed to know.<P>I told him that I'm tired of getting up so early on Saturdays and Sundays just to take him to work so I can see my family and go to church. He told me that since I want to go out that it's my responsibility to pick him up/take him home since I want to drive the car. At that point I got really angry because as it stands, he's got EVERYTHING going for him. He's getting everything he wants and then some. I'm just getting used more and more. I told him that he could at least find a ride sometimes, but he said no because I should be picking him up and taking him to work. It was beyond anger at that point and I just shut up, put on my clothes, and drove him to work. It was so bad that when I dropped him off, he just slammed the door without saying anything.<P>When I got home about 40 minutes ago, I was planning to just write out my feelings, but no, that's not going to happen. He calls me TELLING me, not asking me to pick him up at 5:30pm. The rest is too horrible to say because I made an a$$ out of myself and got used and blackmailed on top of that. Well, this is what I get for trying to be so d@mn strong. Ha, a big kick in the a$$ for me.<P>So you already know what I'm going to ask, don't you? I'm wrong and he's right, right? Of course. I don't even know why I asked this because 100% of you are going to say that I'm wrong, that I LB-ed (yes, I know I did, but I'm sick of always being so d@mn "nice" to him when he's being an immature kid), and I should probably go grovel back to him, right?<P>Don't worry, I'm not angry at him. If you want to flame, go right ahead. I'm not mad at you guys. Awaiting replys.<P>------------------<BR><B>Disclaimer: The following are just my opinions and/or vents. I would appreciate not being flamed for my opinions and/or vents. Thank you.</B>

You know, it's really not a matter of one being right and one being wrong. Like most of the conflicts marraiges have, there is not a clear right/wrong, just how 2 people feel. The key is to discuss how you & he feel calmly and determine a solution that both of you can feel comforatble with.<P>It is hard to do that when you are upset. But, maybe later when both are calm, you can discuss this. Without assigning blame, simply let him know that you would likt to be able to sleep later sometimes, and see if you can;t brainstorm some solutions...<P>Maybe you can take him some days and he can get a ride on others (working this out in advance). Or, maybe some days you take the care and some days he does. Maybe some days one of you can ride a bus or something...anyway the idea is to look at all the posible ways of meeting both your needs and his, and then choosing one together.<P>Good luck.<P>Kathi

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kam6318:<BR><B>You know, it's really not a matter of one being right and one being wrong. Like most of the conflicts marraiges have, there is not a clear right/wrong, just how 2 people feel. The key is to discuss how you & he feel calmly and determine a solution that both of you can feel comforatble with.<P>It is hard to do that when you are upset. But, maybe later when both are calm, you can discuss this. Without assigning blame, simply let him know that you would likt to be able to sleep later sometimes, and see if you can;t brainstorm some solutions...<P>Maybe you can take him some days and he can get a ride on others (working this out in advance). Or, maybe some days you take the care and some days he does. Maybe some days one of you can ride a bus or something...anyway the idea is to look at all the posible ways of meeting both your needs and his, and then choosing one together.<P>Good luck.<P>Kathi </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I will try to do as you say. Thanks.<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Disclaimer: The following are just my opinions and/or vents. I would appreciate not being flamed for my opinions and/or vents. Thank you.</B>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He told me that since I want to go out that it's my responsibility to pick him up/take him home since I want to drive the car. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wrong! He's the one who's responsible for getting himself to work. If he needs to depend on you to get him there, then the arrangements need to be worked out, preferably in advance. I've also made the mistake of carrying my H's burdens for him and resenting it. Set that burden down. His immaturity won't change until he's expected and required to shoulder his own burdens. <P>Again, I know how hard it is to set boundaries when you have venomous wrath pent up inside. But it's not YOUR responsibility to see he gets to work. It's his responsibility. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lonesome heart:<BR><B> Wrong! He's the one who's responsible for getting himself to work. If he needs to depend on you to get him there, then the arrangements need to be worked out, preferably in advance. I've also made the mistake of carrying my H's burdens for him and resenting it. Set that burden down. His immaturity won't change until he's expected and required to shoulder his own burdens. <P>Again, I know how hard it is to set boundaries when you have venomous wrath pent up inside. But it's not YOUR responsibility to see he gets to work. It's his responsibility. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good grief! I was almost afraid someone would think I have to do this since I have the car. I've tried working out an arrangement with him, but either way I say, I always end up taking him or picking him up. He's lazy, he'll never ride the bus. It's like I told him, he's punishing me because he's mad because I have the car 95% of the time and so he's going to try to make me come back and pick him up. I think it's downright evil of him to do that. His parents could've taken him to work because they just left a few minutes ago. They lie so bad that it's unbelievable.<P>Just wait, all of them (including my husband) are going to be sooooo sorry they messed with me. I'm not going to do anything stupid or anything mean, but they will be sorry.<P>Thanks for replying.<P>Signed,<BR>An extremely frustrated Miaka<BR><P>------------------<BR><B>Disclaimer: The following are just my opinions and/or vents. I would appreciate not being flamed for my opinions and/or vents. Thank you.</B>