this is my first time writing on this forum but as i read the messages i cannot believe how similar my story is. My H has been having an affair with OW for 15 months. They met on a trip to Africa. She also lives in another country but because they both have extremely high incomes they have been able to meet often - almost every other weekend. I found out the day after he got back last summer (1999) by seeing an e-mail he wrote to her when he got home. He basically spent the next year lying to me, his family, our friends and our counselors. He would say he was breaking it off then two weeks later I would find that it was all a lie. Of course I stopped believing pretty early but I prayed that he would realize what he was doing and do what was right. What a fool I was.<BR>H moved out in May and got a great condo downtown with all new things. In July he went to Africa again with OW although he lied and said to me (and our counselor) that he was going alone. While he was gone I filed for divorce. When he got back he was incredibly angry and after much discussion (and threats) I withdrew the divorce action and we agreed to really concentrate on our marriage. H promised to break off all contact with OW. I know that they did not see each other for almost two months but I am convinced now that there was still daily communication although I was trying hard to do Plan A. Three weeks ago OW came down to visit. H swore to me that he ended it that weekend. All lies - I found out that not only did he not end it but OW was around my children. Now this week he has gone to Europe with OW and has plans to go out West with her next weekend. He told me all this when we went out to dinner Wednesday - he was leaving for Europe the next day. All along I have told him that the hardest part of all to deal with is the lies and deception so now he thinks he should get a medal for honesty.<BR>I am ready for Plan B but how do you do it when you have four kids and alot of coordinating of schedules etc. He is making me crazy telling me that it is my fault and I am the one who is screwed up. I know thatis not true but I want to end the madness.

Welcome <B>gatorgirl</B>...<P>You seem to know a lot about MB cocepts...<BR>...but as a reminder I have a good introductory post... with a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>I hope you did a good Plan A...<P>Logistics with the children make Plan B very hard.<P>You'll have to accept the fact that there musty be some contact... because of the chilren.<P>You'll have to prepare the childre first too...<BR>...let them understand what you're preparing yourself for...<BR>...the why (saving of love)<BR>...the future (marriage may not make it)<BR>...their role (love both parents)<BR>...father's position (love the sinner...)<BR>...their values (...hate the sin)<P>This needs to take some time...<BR>...don't rush into Plan B.<P>Take time... by first drafting a Plan B letter...<BR>...we'll gladly help with a review of it!<P>Check out all the "Plan B" links in my <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_NPT.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A> post.<P> <P>Jim