I'm back here after about 10 months. I don't really know why I came back. I just finished reading a post by 0000 and he said that his W resented him for telling her parent about the A. That made me think that I did that too! What an a$$. I tapped our phone during the A and heard a few conversation that she had with her mother and they were plotting against me. MIL talked about the fact that she better get all this money for alimony and child support and that I was an a$$ for leaving her and the kids and she knew I would do something like this! I wasn't the one having an A, I was leaving because of the A. I just felt like I had to defend myself. I shouldn't have done that. What goes on between a married couple should be just that, and I blew it. I've never expressed remorse for that, but in all honesty I just realized how bad that was. It's been about 14 months since her A and things are going OK and now I am starting to think of how I handled myself. I did OK considering what I was handed, but I feel bad about this. Do I bring this back up and tell her I am sorry about that? We don't talked about "it" anymore, would this bring back bad memories?<P>

Gee...<P>Not sure where you're at...<P>In recovery?<BR>...or just Plan A-ing.<P>In either case...<BR>...it sounds like it could be a LB...<BR>...and you should avoid it!<P> <P>Jim

I have just a couple of thoughts to share, and they are just my opinion. First, I wouldn't beat yourself up over telling her parents. While it isn't the nicest thing, I also think you we're in a very stressful, unfair, and difficult situation. You did what you felt was right at the time, and I personally don't think you can be faulted for that. I think it also depends on how close you are to them. I'm very close, and haven't hid everything from my in-laws, nor am I going to ignore them or alter my relationship with them just because my wife decided to have an affair. I may be in the minority here, but I might have done the same thing knowing what they were saying about me. My MIL knows some details, which she had essentially figured out, but I did confirm it. And I don't feel bad about it. I regret that anyone has to know, but I'm not the one running around lying and having an affair. I'm probably going to hear it from someone after saying that, but that is how I feel.<P>Second, regarding telling her, like Jim said, I'm not sure what phase you are in. Did you go through a true recovery process, and talk alot, or have things drifted and been somewhat swept under the carpet. This is the kind of thing you would discuss during honest, true confessions about the affair period. I wouldn't just bring it up out of the blue. I'd just be careful when it is talked about, because she will be upset, no doubt.<P>However, I'm not experienced at this phase of things, and if my wife ever snaps out of the fog, and wants to work on our marriage, we'll have some things to discuss, some of which will be things that I'll want to tell her.

Where are we? I would say recovery. Plan A is still in effect and I think it will be for quite some time. We have discussed the affair, but I think "swept under the rug" would be a better way of putting it. Is that a bad thing? BTW, she knows I told her parents, it's not a secret. I've never apologized for that.