My H and I helped some of our friends move into their new house yesterday. Our son had to be picked up by noon, so I left to go pick him up from my mother's house. We left my mom's, and I decided to stop and get something to drink. I should have driven to a different convenience store when I saw the yellow Nissan Xterra with the Texas plates, but I convinced myself that it probably wasn't him. WRONG!!!<P>He and one of his buddies were there in the store, and of course they immediately saw me. We talked for a long time, longer than we should have. He looked way too delish in his Navy Whites. And his marriage problems are way too similar to mine. He is in the process of a D now from his wife, seeing as she kept cheating on him. One week after he finally kicked her out, she was living with another guy (this sounds TOO familiar, doesn't it? Total deja vu for me.)<P>He asked me how my marriage was working out, I said it was okay. He looked at me for a long time and said, "well, if you need to talk, you know how to get in touch with me." We then hugged, said goodbye, and I went to meet my H.<P>I told my H about running into him, but I didn't give him the details. They kind of scared me a little bit. A part of me thinks that there is nothing wrong with me talking to Navy Man when I want to, especially after the hell my H has put me through. I know in my mind what is right and what isn't, but still, that doesn't mean I have to like it! It's nice to have a man, especially a good-looking, successful, funny man, show some interest in me (and hey, unlike my H, at least I get QUALITY people!)<P>I'd like to think that I wouldn't cheat on my H, but when he is refusing to be affectionate and sexual with me, I sure am tempted!<p>[This message has been edited by Carolina Belle (edited October 30, 2000).]

Eek! Already at the bottom with no replies That's okay, I still love y'all!

Okay Ms. Belle~<P>You already know what your H's affair did to you. We all know how lonely you are, we all are. And we especially are aware that none of our needs are being met by our spouses. But, getting into an affair is wrong. If you want Navy Man, tell your husband you're done with him, get divorced and then go get your Navy Man. Don't become the person so many of us here are hurting over.<P>I linked this thread for you. Someone else is thinking of cheating, and there were many wonderful responses that I hope will keep you in check.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/006236.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/006236.html</A> <P>Be strong sweetie, stay on the high road!<BR>Blessings, MT

Belle -<P>All I can say, is don't do it. Trust me, I'm a WS and I've been to He-- and back. It's just not worth it - no matter how badly things are going betwee you and your H, it just is not worth it to have an affair - EA or PA - in retaliation or not in retaliation.<P>If I had it all to do over again, I definitely would not have an A - not only did I break a sacred vow and hurt my H, I lost all self-respect for myself. Don't drag yourself down - an affair not only can kill a marriage, it can kill your self-esteem - once it's all over.<P>I know your H hasn't actually been a pillar of strength, but trust me, you do not want to lean on this other guy for support - it would be like playing with fire - you will eventually get burned.<P>You're too good for that - don't make the mistakes that I did, no matter how bad things are with your H - settle those first, then if things don't work out between the two of you - there will be plenty of other opportunities.<P>Yes, it is flattering to have other men interested in you. But, the definition of temptation is the "enticement to do wrong, by promise of pleasure or gain. . .Temptation motivates you to do something bad by promising something good."<P>You do know right from wrong. . .this is wrong, you know it. Be strong, if not for your H or your marriage - for yourself, your dignity and your self-respect.

CB,<P>I say go for it!<P>JUST KIDDING! <P>You know better, Girlfriend!<P>Tell you H EVERYTHING. Don't be vindictive or spiteful--be honest and open and reassure your H of your love for him. <P>That will help to keep you out of trouble should you have future run ins with an old love. (But this innocent little reminder for your H of your desirability to others can't be bad!)<P>

Dear Mon Belle<P>Sorry for such a late reply - baby was hospitalised since last week but now fine and discharged.<P>Would the spark had been there in the first place if you H had not had the affairs? It is natural that BS feel the urge for a affair because we feel rejected as a lover, spouse, confidante, friend, and everything we were meant to be in a special and exclusive way. Having the attention and admiration of someone else, especially someone of quality, is a boost to our low and shattered self esteem.<P>If there are more to just navy man, I think you need to talk with your H to try to get the reasons why he is not being affectionate and in the mood for sex. I hope you can try to work out something between the both of you. Could the night studies have made him tired?<P>One thing about navy man- they do travel.<P>will be back soon,weep

The wife probably had the affairs because she was lonely due to his frequent absences?<P>I would feel wonderful too if I am still very attractive to other eligible people but to do something on the rebound and within a marriage would make us the WS <P>Let me know what's going on with your recovery, would love to hear whatever feelings you have - vent or not.<P>Love<BR>weep