After a rather disheartening week last week, I actually got three (3) hugs and one (1) kiss this past weekend. OK, it was only on the cheek, I admit it. You might think I'm a sucker, but she wanted body rubs a few times, so I did it. I'll take any chance at depositing love units, even if I'm being had. I got a few looks eye to eye that I haven't had in a long time, so I take that as slight progress. But don't worry, I have learned that these spells are usually followed by unfortunate interactions, so I don't get my hopes up too high.<P>As many know, she was going to move this week, but now says January. I debated whether to tell her to leave. However, I currently believe Plan A and her staying to be the best choice. I think she is trying to justify leaving at some point, so I'm not yet going to be the one to do it.<P>She told one of the kids that her sweater felt all cuddly, and then muttered, "which I need now". Not sure what that was about, but she did hug me that day. Saw a few other good signs as well. However, nothing to get too excited about.<P>This has been going on for 5 months now, and I think EA has been that long (maybe a few weeks longer), and PA was at least 2.5 months, but I don't know the status now. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it hasn't been that long?<P>Of course, she moves ahead with her house plans (buying a few things), but I don't think it is too hard to plan things. Time will tell what she actually does. One of our friends that I didn't think knew anything, turns out she does know, but only about wife planning on moving out, not OM. She just says wife is "in a bad state and has no idea what she wants". She did say that she sees that my wife isn't attentive to the kids, and also my wife even told her that I always bath them and read stories, take them places, etc. I'm surprised she admitted that to anyone. Wife told her something to the effect that she'll decide what to do after Xmas. She really is out in left field I think. Funny thing is the friend thinks that it is just about my wife's having given up on our marriage, but little does she know that my wife had an affair and that is why she refused to go to counselling or try anything to make it better.<P>Anyway, just a non-eventful update from my end. I wish the best for everyone. I was ranting alot last week, so thanks for all the support.

Hi Rick37, I know exactly how your W is acting. My H is the same way, I feel like some days we make progress and others we either stay the same or take a few steps back. Like you I take any progress I can get. H actually called me on his lunch break tonight. I was so happy to hear from him, nothing special just a call which made it even better in my eyes. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for either one of us. Just wanted to let you know I`m thinking of you,and sending good thoughts your way.

Rick<P>Good for you, hang in there. I know it seems each day is a week long and each week is a month long goung through the process. You will feel emotionally drained in Plan A as I am well aware (now 10 weeks). From the sounds of it you are coping well.<P>With such a short time in to the affair you may have a long way to go before the fog lifts (I hope not) but be assured that if you can continue with what you are doing the benefits will start accumulating and she will be having second thoughts about where her best future lies. <P>------------------<BR>

Rick<P>Good to see you are starting to get the results you deserve more often on a regular basis. In Plan A it seems like forever, eg, the last 2 months have been the longest 5 yrs of my life.<P>I am sure however if you could step back and take an overview you would see a steady improvement in her demeanor over the period, I know I certainly have.<P>I believe some stage in the near future I will need to swing in to Plan B. The timing has to be carefully thought about, just before you lose all the love you have, when Plan A has had it's greatest effect or when she moves out (whichever occurs first).<P>That will be a tough call for me but can't stay in Plan A forever. Maybe she will make the decision for me, who knows.<P>Your W talks of moving after Xmas. This gives you still plenty of time to work on Plan A and automatically sets a time limit. Hopefully she will come out of the fog in the meantime. All you can do is to keep being the foglights for her till then.<P>Take care<BR>

Rick - Hang in there bud. Let's keep each other going. We're in similar time frames with different details, but much of the story is the same - ups and downs - for me almost on a daily basis. I attribute my wife's waffling to her confusion. As you know, she still won't admit anything more than "just friends." At least she wants to still be the best Mom she can be (sorta contradictory, huh?) and we cooperate when it comes to him except for the trick or treat flap. My son keeps asking why I don't want him around the OM - our families were previously very close. I can only tell him that he's not our friend anymore and I'll explain it all when you get older. What else can I do? PTC<P>WAT<BR>***************<BR>Time wounds all heels.

Hey Rick,<P>You are one tenacious guy. Keep up your commitment. You are getting some good signs.<P>The up/down part of this whole experience is the worst as far as I'm concerned. Good days/weeks, followed by plunges that are unexpected. <P>I am raging today after seeing the OM in Mass on Sunday. I just have had it up to here being the nice guy! Unexpected plunge.<P>Hang in and hang on...<P>Bob<p>[This message has been edited by Dynamo (edited October 31, 2000).]

Hi Rick,<P>No, yo are NOT a sucker - you love your wife, in spite of how much she has hurt you. Give her all the body rubs she wants! Althought she would not be caught dead admitting it, right now she needs to know that you still love her.<P>You bet she's sonfused - as confused as they come without being diagnosed with Altzheimer's. Oh boy, was I ever there. Now, this may not be true for your wife, but I can tell you this about me. I don't know that I would have found the strength to come back had my H NOT shown me how much he still loved me and still wanted to touch me. So, keep on giving what you can without smothering.<P>Rant away, Rick. There is no such thing as ranting too much here on MB. You have every right to do so. Take care.<P>Khyra<P>