Story so far.<P>Jan 99 W commences an EA with a patient at the physiotherapist where she was a receptionist (I'm 50 she's 41 and the OM is 42 never been married and lives with his mother). <P>The EA developed to a PA in July 99 and we separated in September 99 when she moved in to an apartment with our 11 yr old D to "sort out her feelings". This is when I became aware of the affair.<P>I found this site shortly afterwards and began to Plan A. Although it had some effect the affair continued and in Dec 99 I relocated back to the East Coast (our home town 2000 miles away) and took up Plan B (however no letter).<P>In March 00 my W contact me and says that she wishes to give the marriage another try. At the time I was not ready to recommit as I had another relationship. In July 00 once again I was contacted to give the marriage another go. I broke off the other relationship needless to say and she moved back over east and back in with me leaving the OM back west. <P>After getting back together we were basically doing OK for a few weeks but the OM still had my W cell phone No and was constantly trying to contact her. OK 2 months pass by (now sep 00) I notice her growing increasingly distant. It turns out they had both made contact once again and the affair was reignited.<P>I have basically Plan A'd ever since for the past 2 months and although I have been making headway at times my W says she now believes her future lies with the OM. He has been over here once to see her and she has just returned from 5 days over there leaving the D with me.<P>My question is has anyone been here before? Should I keep going with Plan A or should I just let go. Emotionally I am getting to the end of my patience but I feel my W is well worth the effort of continuing? The problem is after 20 months I would have thought the affair should have died?<P>Please help!!

You've been providing me your advice and thoughts, so I'll tell you what I think.<P>The standard answer is "do you want your marriage and do you think that you have love left for her?". If you can answer yes, then you keep Plan A going. You helped me last week keep Plan A when I was on the fence and wondering if I should tell my wife to get out. For me I'm happy I did keep it up, because there were more good signs on the weekend.<P>So I think you should keep Plan Aing, because you have seen good signs in the past couple of months. She might be more oriented towards OM since she just got back from the 5 day trip with him. I see the same things sometimes...a fresh event with OM and she is more distant towards me. Don't forget that your wife was on a trip...that is automatically more exciting.<P>You have other things going. You live far away from OM, so for her to leave, she's got to move away. Will she want to do that? Who knows, but it requires a bigger step than just moving into an apartment. She came back before so there is obviously something there. And as for it being 20 months in the making, you had other events going on, where you had a relationship, moves, back home, now she can take a trip and see him. So it isn't a 20 month continuous thing with no changes.<P>From where I sit, I think you need to Plan A all the way, especially since you say you saw good signs recently. I know it is hard to understand how good signs can be mixed with a trip with OM, and I really feel for you having to endure that trip. However, we all know that when they are confused, one day we're in, next day we're out. I'm seeing all that now.<P>So, I don't think you should give up at all. Not if you want the marriage. And you have a daughter as well, so you have that going, and it gives you something to fight for. It is hard somedays, and even tonight two hours after writing a post saying some good stuff happened, I'm a bit upset again, because my son is calling me from upstairs, turns out he has eye infection. I called my wife on her cell to ask something about the drops we used to give, but of course she has it off. Always does now, so I'm sure OM is around...that is a sure sign. So I'm going through it too, but I'm not giving up. Sorry to rant on your post.<P>Hang in there because you have obviously been doing some good work lately.

Rick<P>Thanks for your support I. I agree with all that you say and am gratefull for a second opinion. As you know it is very emotionally exhausting to keep up Plan A long term but hey, you really start to feel good about yourself and either way you will be a better person with or without the W.<P>I am sorry to hear of the cell phone incident. Keep hanging in there. You are a good man and deserve better than what you are getting just now. I see the support you give others and considering the time you need to run your household it is amazing.<P>Incidently speaking of cell phones my W arrives back from her trip over west with a brand new cell phone compliments of the OM. So he can keep in touch with her more often. I am assuming he is paying the call charges. Excuse me whilst I am sick!!!<P>Take care!!