Dear Forum,<P>We have been married for almost 20 years, living all of this time in Hong Kong. Our marriage has had its ups and downs, but has been marked by fidelity on both sides. My wife is Asian, I am Australian and we both have the right to residency in Hong Kong, the Philippines and Australia. <P>Early this year, we decided to move to Australia and I came ahead. My wife has visited twice since then, the last time at the end of July when she returned to HK, quite excited about the prospect of her own move later this year.<P>Phone conversations between us ended in mutual expressions of love and longing until, without warning, she informed me she wanted a divorce. After some prodding, she admitted that there is someone else, “an American businessman who visits HK regularly and is also (her word) in a bad marriage. He does not want to get out of his marriage, but has convinced me I need my freedom.”<P>Understandably, I was shattered but, thanks to strong communion with God, I have been able to keep my act together. I have suggested to my wife that she moves to Australia (all her clothes and belongings are already here and neither of us can afford to send them all back to Hong Kong) and if after a trial period, she still wants out, I will be supportive and will not stand in her way. <P>We need to talk about this face-to-face, but my wife will not let me stay with her if I visit Hong Kong, and she won’t come here because she says she needs to earn money.<P>Trawling the Web for help led me to Dr Harley’s book, “His Needs; Her Needs” which was like lifting a veil of misunderstanding.<P>The need that I have least met has been that of conversation, and I have written to my wife, seeking her forgiveness for my taciturnity over so many years. I have also bought a second copy of the book and sent it to her. Whether or not she reads it is another question.<P>Now, the problem is that I know the “American friend” will be visiting Hong Kong next week. There has been no response from my wife to any of my letters, so the question of negotiation seems redundant. While I pray daily for God’s help and guidance, I do not know what to do about this stand-off.<P>Any suggestions?<BR>

Hi,<P>I'm sorry for what you've been going through. And I think people missed your post. So I'm sending this to the top, so people can respond.<P>So far you are doing good. It's hard to do Plan A from far...<P>I can't give you any advice but I know people here can help you soon.<P>Hang in there,<P>Meg

Thanks. You do not know how much it means to have somebody sharing this problem.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MF:<BR><B>Hi,<P>I'm sorry for what you've been going through. And I think people missed your post. So I'm sending this to the top, so people can respond.<P>So far you are doing good. It's hard to do Plan A from far...<P>I can't give you any advice but I know people here can help you soon.<P>Hang in there,<P>Meg</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Hi again,<P>Usually NSR(Jim) comes around with "welcome" post, but maybe he's not around...<P>It' really good you realized what your W's EN, and I really hope she will read that book too.<P>I suggest you read "surviving an affair", too.<P>About the American guy who's coming to HK, I really don't know what you can do about it.. Just keep Plan Aing, and try to focus on yourself.. because if you focus on them it will crash you..<P>And please keep posting, people will respond you with many suggestions.<P>Take care,<P>Meg