Well, I'm addressing this to everybody who knows me, those I've pissed off, and those that want to talk to me, but can't. I'd like to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a whiny *****. I'm sorry for getting on your nerves. I'm sorry for not listening. I'm sorry for getting defensive. I'm sorry for getting mad. I'm sorry to countering any of you guy's opinions. I'm sorry for making my husband's parents like look such evil people. I'm sorry for not being more grateful. I'm sorry for making people not want to talk to me. I'm sorry for wasting space on MB when it could've been used by someone who really needs it. I'm sorry for leaving and coming back. I know I should've left and not come back. I'm sorry for being slow in my brain for not picking it up the first time you guys were trying to tell me about myself. I'm sorry for moving when you guys told/tell me to move. I'm sorry for trying to stand up for myself when I think I'm right, but in all actuality, I was wrong. I'm sorry for getting an attitude with everybody here. I'm sorry for not doing what you guys told me to do. I'm sorry for being a pest. I'm sorry for asking stupid questions (i.e. stupid post "How do you keep from hating your spouse?"). <P>OK, now these next ones are to individuals. <BR><B>FaithHopeLove</B> - You're right in saying that I do stuff that doesn't help. I'm sorry for that too. <P><B>popeye</B> - I'm sorry for my attitude.<P><B>WilliamJ</B> - I'm sorry for being a whiny ***** (I know I am now and there's nothing you can say that will dissuade me from thinking it). I'm sorry I'm not more appreciative of my husband's parents. I'm sorry for making you mad at me<P>To everybody:<P>I'm not going to talk about my husband or his family anymore. I'm sorry and please forgive me.<P>Miaka<P>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited October 31, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 02, 2000).]

<B>Disclaimer:</B><P>I'm not trying to get sympathy here. <P>Miaka<P>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited October 31, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 02, 2000).]

Hi, Honey. I think I've figured something out. Bear with me here, ok? Read this twice. I've figured you out a bit, too and you're a lot like me! (Sorry about that! ) I'm not quite as bad anymore, but in my younger days, I would grab onto one sentence or two that hurt my feelings and miss the rest of a conversation! Kinda a "can't see the forest for the trees" sorta thing, ya know?<P>OK, ready for a little bit of a lecture? Too bad. I care for you, I am your friend here on MB and I'm old enough to see that forest so I'm gonna share a little of my dim wisdom with you, ok? Take it or leave it, it's not a putdown.<P>I saw this post and checked in...read it and said "What on earth could we have said to upset her like this?" So I went back searching your poll post and read it again - several times.<P>Know what, Sweetie? I think you should do the same. Nothing said in that post required an apology from you OR from the caring posters who answered honestly as you requested. I saw concerned and loving and very accepting people giving you honest opinions. And, the thing was, a great deal of their honesty was COMPLIMENTARY to you!!! Honey, I've looked at it every way but upside down and I couldn't see a thing wrong with the answers you got there.<P>Look. We are all friends here. We deserve and we expect honesty. Sometimes we fight. Heck, Hon, I still argue by phone with some of my closest friends from MB!! It doesn't change our friendship. It deepens it. I depend on the forthrightness here. I always have. And I'll tell you what, I've gotten a lot harsher responses in the past that you got on that last post.<P>Now, I know from time to time, you've touched a nerve. Everyone here is hurting, in one way or another and trying to help each other. Nerves are gonna get trampled. And, in honesty, we are NOT always all gonna agree. That's just the way it is. But not agreeing is completely different than not caring or wanting someone to leave. To that question, I believe you have been told over and over that you are learning valuable things here and belong here as well. Ok, I know, once or twice, you plucked someone's nerve. So what? It's done.<P>Look, face it, you are young. That's a good thing. And in your youth you have already been told that you are admired for your passion, your steadfastness in a difficult situation for your age, among other things. That's appreciation for what you are and where you are in this life of yours. You've also been told that, because you have not had quite as many years on this earth, you have not had the time to acquire some skills and knowledge that come with age and experience. You're not expected to yet. I hadn't then, neither had anyone else. So....us old folks around here are trying to help you out. Long before you should have to be ready, you are forced to deal with a difficult situation and we are trying to help you do so. Unfortunately, that same passion and impulsiveness that is so charming and wonderful about you is preventing you from seeing what we are trying to say.<P>Yup, all this is to say, read it again. And Again. Look for all the positive that I saw in those posts. You're frustrated, Sweetie, and having to deal with too much all alone and it's not only affecting your actions with your family, but also with your friends here. No one, I mean NO ONE can take frustration indefinitely without it affecting their view on life.<P>Now, I hope you're not upset. I think there's a lot of guidance around here that you could benefit from and a lot of people willing to take their time, with no thought of repayment, to try to help you through it. <P>What do you say? <P>Luv ya.<P>Lori

lostva:<P>Yes, I hear what you're saying and I'm not mad. I'm not upset. It seems as though everything that was said was true and I acknowledge that. I never said anything they said was wrong. That's why I apologized. I figure it's my attitude and I was right. So, I apologized for it.<BR> <BR>I understand you're trying to help, lostva, but please understand that I'm not rejecting your help nor am I rejecting you. <P>Thanks for listening,<BR>Miaka<P>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited October 31, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 02, 2000).]

Miaka,<P>In case no one has told you today that they love you, I do.<P>Give yourself a break, and remember easy does it.<P>Love ya,<P>Bill

Miaka, <P>I haven't posted to you much, but feel I must now. Lori is right. Honey FH&L wasn't trying to be mean to you. I have never seen her be mean to anyone, not even me. I think she was being honest and loving. She didn't say you make things up. And no one has called you a whinny anything. The post made by WilliamJ was made along time ago honey. Let it go for your own sake, please. <P>I too lived with my in-laws when I was younger. It is not easy, not for anyone. My MIL disapproved of the way I chose to live my life, the way I raised my son. Everything. I am sure your in-laws want things their way. But honey it is their home. I echo what others have told you. Get out, move ! It is time for you, h and son to build your own lives. <P> My son will be 20 soon. He is out of school and working, but I am still his Mother. I always will be. If he were to get married and bring his wife here to live I would try to get along with her but it would be hard. It is hard for two women to share a home. You want to be the woman of your family, and that is not wrong ! But so does your MIL. And she isn't wrong either. You need to be the woman of the family in your own home. Then no one will have room to say anything. <P>Please don't take this wrong, but you are a bit touchy. You seem at times to take things as personal attacks on you when they aren't meant to be. Please know everyone is trying to help you, and many are doing so through their own pain. They do that because they care, not for any other reason. I am not trying to be mean either, I am trying to talk to you as someone who has been where you are. I have the benifit of years going past since those days. Now I can look back and see where I was wrong, and where I was right too. Both my in-laws are gone now, and you know someything strange I miss them.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

You're right. Those SENTENCES from the posts you quoted were straightforward. But read the rest of them, Honey. FHL said some very nice encouraging things about you. Popeye's entire post was not full of harsh words. Now, granted, I remember the last one ......you were having a bad day and I think it was pointed out to you pretty quickly.<P>But, hey...you DID have a bad day or two. And you HAVE whined from time to time...me, too. Everyone else here, too. Heck, we even have entire THREADS entitled "Whine Time"!<P>Like my buddy just said ....you are loved. Otherwise, no one would even bother, ya know?<P>Gotta run. Take some time and re-read...opening your mind to ALL that was said. We learn here every day...even from the things we don't want to hear.<P>We do love you.<P>Lori

WilliamJ:<P>Thank you.<P>Bozos_ Deb:<P>Thank you for pointing out more things I need to work on. I'll try to be more careful about how I word things. I'm sorry for being touchy. I'm sorry for seeing everything as a personal attack. I'm sorry for making you think that I thought you were mean. <P>lostva:<P>I'm now sorry I put those quotes there, they were unnecessary. I'm sorry I thought FHL and popeye were being mean to me. I'm sorry I misunderstood what they were trying to say. <P>FHL:<P>I'm sorry I misunderstood what you were saying. I take it all back. In fact, I'm going to erase what I said about you.<P>popeye:<P>I'm sorry I misunderstood you also. I take everything back that I said about you and I'm going to erase it also.<P>To everybody:<P>I apologized for almost everything I did. If I missed something. Let me know.<P>Miaka<BR><p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 02, 2000).]

Hi Miaka!<P>This is the first time I respond to your thread.<P>Ok, I feel you are going to apologize for what I'm going to write now.. anyway here goes: <P>STOP APOLOGIZING!!<P>I feel you are feeling down today. Me too, I'm feeling down for a couple of days.<P>And seems like these response from others didn't make you feel better, huh?<P>But I really hope you feel better soon.<P>Again, stop apologizing, there's no need to, you didn't do anything wrong and we all agree with that(I think )<P>Meg<P>P.S. BTW, you wrote something like not many people respond to your thread.. At least you are getting more response than I do !

Miaka, <BR>There were so many questions on your poll, that I had to think about it a while. Then I see this message. You asked for honesty, no sugar-coating. The quote below is from the first paragraph of your poll. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>What I need is your honest opinion. Please, no sugar-coating, you won't hurt my feelings and I won't get mad. The flame option is on and so is the no-holds barred option. Express yourself anyway you like.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Then I see this huge apology, starting with:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm sorry for being a whiny *****. I'm sorry for getting on your nerves. I'm sorry for not listening. I'm sorry for getting defensive. I'm sorry for getting mad. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey, you promised not to get mad! What gives? <P>Miaka, I have something for you to think about. I observe a lot of different tones in your messages. Some of the reactions you describe remind me of a teacher I had in high school. She was hypo-glycemic (sp?). It's a condition related to sugar consumption. This delightful woman loved sugary treats. Cherry mashes were her weakness. One day at lunch she ate one. The immediate effects are similar to alcohol. The effects are very shortlived then LOOK OUT. whammo. She'd crash from the sugar high and it would just be a matter of time until something would unleash what appeared to be anger. The reason I mention it is one of your threads had several "oops, double post" and lots of smiley faces, and a comment that maybe you had too much koolaid. Please consider the possibility that your own comment may be truer than you realize. This is just huge shot in the dark, but with health care these days, you practically have to diagnose yourself in order to get treated for something. You keep coming back here and keep struggling. Perhaps you're struggling with an unknown factor on top of everything else.

I read this, rubbed my eyes and read this again. I then thought that maybe I had a really bad typo or something, because I could not believe my post was taken in a manner so totally unintended.<P>If you have already done an edit on what you said about me, well naturally I am curious, because I don't want any misunderstandings.<P>You did ask for honesty without sugercoating. I didn't sugarcoat anything because I didn't need to...at least I didn't think I did. I didn't have a unkind thought when I was posting to you. And you thought I was being mean? YM...I know I wasn't being mean. True, I don't know your H's or your in-laws intents, motives or feelings. I do know mine. You misinterpreted them, plain and simple. Guess what, that is pretty natural, we misinterpret a lot of stuff and sometimes we never do figure it all out.<P>You get into a danger zone, however, when you often misinterpret in the negative, then before considering alternate interpretations or how important the situation really is, react negatively. Then even if the issue or event wasn't negative to begin with, your negative reaction makes it worse.<P>The people who post to you, truly want your situation to get better.<P>We can't storm the house and rescue you, so we are trying to give you tools to help the situation on your own.<P>I'm not telling you a thing I wouldn't do myself. Not that I wouldn't fail sometimes or get hurt or say something I wish I had not...believe me I still do. But I can tell you that I am a much happier peaceful person since I made a decision to be.<P>There are many bible verses that I love, but one I really love goes like this:<BR>Phillippians 4:8...Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.<P>I have learned through many YEARS of experience that for the most part, when I always try to see the best in everyone and step back from instant interpretations and reactions and instead try to look objectively and choose my reactions, I tend to recieve fair treatment and positive response. That means I am happier, more at peace and I am met with acceptance and affection. But you know what? I had to work really really hard to get to where I am. It is usually easier to think in the negative. That is human nature. Do I slip? I said about the dumbest thing to my poor H last week that I regretted as it was coming out of my lips, yet there it was. <P>We want you to be sucessful. Please take what you can from anyone that connects with you and use it to make your situation work better for you.<P>I wish you the best.<P><BR>

YM,<BR>Let me preface this by saying my intent is not to be mean.<P>I saw your poll about yourself...why do you care so much what people here think of you? We know you only through your posts, which any posts for any of us reveals a lot for both posters & readers, but it isn't, and cannot be everything of the person. You talked about your sense of humore...I have a great sense of humor...unfortunately it doesn't tranlate well in the written word because it is the dialects, facial expression, body language I use ALONG with the words--which in and of themselves may or may not be funny. I've posted things I thought were humorous...and offended others. It happens to most of us.<P>If you want to vent...go ahead.<BR>If you want advice...ask.<BR>If you feel your situation or question was misunderstood...clarify.<P>We're all here because we hurt, have been hurt, or inflicted hurt in our own lives.<P>You may get an ignored post or little response because no one knows what to say...or you didn't ask a question...or they think they've already advised you with their optimal advice. <P>In the almost 2 years I've been here, there have been hundreds of people come, go, or stay. I'm sure there are a lot of them I never posted to, not out of dislike or orneriness, just missed the post or nothing useful occured to me when I read it. I love the posters that are still here to help others, even though their own situation has led to recovery or divorce. <P>I'm here because I need the daily reminder that my attitude, my goals, my state of mind affects the quality of my life and of my marriage. I have been helped tremendously by other posters. I hope that my posting to others is helpful, or at the very least is the acknowledgement that they aren't alone, someone cares. And, because, even though no one's situation is just like mine, if I have a concern, someone will try to help me, or support me, or if there is nothing to be said, hug me.<P>Nobody is like you, Yuka, and that's the way you are designed, that is inevitably part of your strength.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by yuki miaka:<BR><B>popeye</B> - I'm sorry for being dramatic. I don't know why I do stuff like that. I'm sorry for not listening. I'm sorry for making you not want to post to me. I'm sorry for my attitude.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yuki,<BR>There is no need to ever apologize for expressing how you feel. If you want to rage against your pain, rage. That is what this place is here for. If you want to ask questions, ask! There is so much that I have learned is "normal" from seeing other people's questions and other people's point of view.<P>I wish you were near-by. I'd like to just take you out for coffee and give you a hug. <P>I don't think you are beyond hope. I think you are just misunderstood. I wish I knew how to help you because I think you really want things to be different for yourself.<P>When I said maybe you like drama, I wasn't suggesting that you are too dramatic. It was just a question. I don't know if you are one of those people who thrive on drama, but I know there are people who have to have a crisis to feel alive. <P>I *want* to post to you because I want to help. I think we all do. It's just that I have not always felt that you are receptive to what is being said. <P>Oh Yuki, I am sorry that you are feeling so badly.

<B>MF</B>:<P>Thanks.<P><B>lonesome heart</B>:<P>I apologize for my behavior.<P><B>FaithHopeLove</B> and <B>Lor (Lor)</B>:<P>I'm sorry for my behavior.<P><B>popeye</B>:<P>When I chose the topic of this post, I meant the title. It is what it is, I public apology for my behavior. <P>Thank you for listening,<BR>Miaka<P><B>PSS</B> Please try to call me Miaka from now on, thank you. <P>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 01, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 02, 2000).]

Please, let's let the behavior thing die, OK?

Hi Yuki Miaka -<P>Just stopping by to say "Hi"....<P>And to give ya some BIG HUGS!!!!<P>Get some rest Hon....11 hours is too much to work in a day!!!!<P>Hope your headache goes away.<P>Sheba

Hello, Miaka. All apologies accepted, even if they're not for me . Been following your threads, you know. I'm very interested to know what's keeping you from moving out of your MIL's place soon. Would you let all of us know? I hope you feel better soon.

Miaka,<P>I haven't posted to you before but I have been reading and praying for you...specifically that you, your husband and child can find a way to move to your own place. <P>My in-laws live 4000 miles away. They come to visit about twice a year for 2 weeks and while I'm happy to see them, I am always thrilled when they go home. Our styles of living are too different to be comfortable for an extended amount of time. I can't imagine having to live with them. Add in working, a small child (no matter how much you love him) and all the rest of life's headaches and it's no wonder you are worn out. People here DO understand and are just trying to help even if you feel that may not be there case. <P>Please find a way to de-stress...stress does awful things to your body over time. Even if it's just five minutes of meditation or deep breathing exercises. <P>I will keep you in my prayers and hope that things ease up on you soon. <P>Hugs if you want them <P>Jodi<p>[This message has been edited by JodiC (edited November 01, 2000).]

<B>Sheba</B>:<P>Thanks. I don't actually *work* 11 hours, but getting up at 6am, leaving the house at 6:30am to get to work at 7:45am is getting hard on me. And to top it off, I get off at 4:15pm and I'm starting to get home at 5pm - 5:30pm. Traffic is getting worse and I don't know how I'm going to keep my job traveling far away like this. I'm getting real sick of having to get up so early in the morning. I don't get enough sleep as it is and having to get up earlier and earlier is wearing on me. Thanks again.<P><B>KenB</B>:<P>Well, I can't say right now, but when all this is over and I've finally moved, you'll understand why I didn't say much about it. I've come too far to let everything be ruined right now. Thanks anyway.<p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 01, 2000).]

<B>JodiC</B>:<P>Thank you. I accept your hugs.<p>[This message has been edited by yuki miaka (edited November 01, 2000).]