Folks<P>For those of you that know my story you will know that my W is currently living with me and has been for the past 4 months after an affair of 18 months, she originally came back to reconcile. However shortly after her return the affair was back up and running.<P>It has just come to my attention that the OM has proposed in the past few days and my WS has accepted .... WOW. We haven't even filed for divorce as yet. Has anyone ever heard anything like this? I am in shock totally!!!

No it doesn't. But I can only imagine how sick you feel inside. I'm sorry that this has happened. She is fresh off this trip she took, so don't give up on this. Keep Plan A going.<P>This is a ridiculous situation, someone proposing to your wife when she is still with you...just think about how illogical it is. The two of them are in la la land right now.<P>Remember, you know yourself from what you've said to me that you must keep Plan A in action, and let this freshness of the trip wear off.<P>Just a thought here, but if you do get faced with a separation agreement in the future, you might want to consider getting a clause in there that neither spouse can move away with your D unless the other spouse agrees with moving. I have no idea about legal validity of that, or how common it is, but if it comes to that with me, there will be something like that in the agreement. My wife actually fully agrees with that anyway. But given your wife's OM lives far away, you want to reduce the risk of her going there.<P>In any event, on this latest development, it just seems so illogical from the outside, and I'd try to remain calm and Plan A, let time, patience, consistency play into this. I've actually wondered if I might someday hear the same thing that you just heard.<P>Hang in there and be your best, see what develops over the next little while.<BR>

inlimbo,<P>I don't think his superficial "proposal" means your marriage is over at all.<P>Ok, you said your wife moved back in with you four months ago to reconcile. I'm assuming that at least for a very short time she did not see OM. Was perhaps part of the reason that she decided to work on the marriage because OM wasn't offering future? If so, then he has just bought himself a lot of time with very little effort.<P>Think about it, how often have you heard of a man giving in and proposing to a long time girlfriend because she threatens to move on if he doesn't? So he does it, and then they are engaged for a long time, it's a way of buying time. <P>OM lives far away, your wife is still married to you. His proposal to her is kind of like telling Bill Gates if he ever needs to borrow some money, you're there for him. It's not likely to happen, but makes you look really good.

Om bought my x a ring, engagment I guess, soo n after she left me. They were both married at the time.<P>He had also bought her a "friendship" ring early in the affair. I ahven't noticed her wearing it though.<P>Also, in my divorce papers, I can't live the state with the kids unless I get her okay. I guess if I had sole custody, I could move around without her ok. I guess this is a drawback of joint custody.

I think the OM grasping straws trying to get her back and feeling a little insecure. Even though this is a hard situation, look at it as a compliment to you. Something else to keep in mind is most guys that are Players will say anything to get laid. This sounds like the kinda thing that would be last on the list after all others have failed or quit working. Hang in there!