Okay, I don't mean to keep posting from the same stuck position I am in. I know that I need the meds for my depression and am anxiously awaiting the birth of our baby to start them, I'm now 4 days overdue! Both my other kids were over due, my 2nd was 2 weeks! Please not this one too!<BR>Any way, I want to ask if this is common. I have some things that I want to talk to my H about. I just don't WANT to ask my H these things, but feel that I NEED to. Without going into the particular questions, which would only lead to another looonnnggg post of mine, I will say this...I have questions about her, thier relationship, his feelings about her (during the A and now) and the OC (now and how the birth of ours will affect him), the way the A progressed and how emotional she was about it.<BR>Anyway, with all these questions in my mind, I feel that I am now doing the one thing he asked me NOT to do, is to shut him out. I have now withdrawn from him completely. If we get a chance to talk, (such as last nite was perfect, in bed at 10, no shows to watch, and bam, I fell asleep,(not becuz I was tired, I really wanted to talk), I just couldn't do it.<BR>I feel that I either don't want to hear the answers, or that I feel that no matter what he says it won't change anything. On the other hand, I don't think I can move forward without the answers. This all started about a week ago when I woke up one morning and felt I had been replaced (although he says that he didn't feel emotional towards her, he still replaced me intimately, and all that goes hand in hand with me). Then all these questions have come to mind, and have been haunting me ever since. I really want to try to work things out, and know he does to. <BR>He is trying to give me my space, saying he will be here to talk when I am ready. I realize that this is good, he wants to stay, and is doing all he can to let me go thru my feelings. And you know what, if he asked me to talk, like sat me down and said "TALK TO ME PLEASE?!?" I probally would spill it all out. What is my problem?!?! He is willing to talk and I can't. When I first found out thats all I did was talk about it. I just feel like at this point we are just existing, and I don't want to live like this. I want my H back, I miss his touch when he is away, yet am withdrawing more and more both emotionally and physically with each day. How do break down the wall before it gets too thick?

Not Giving Up.<P>Hmm, I am so sorry to hear of your plight. I do know how you feel. My advice is you really don't need to know all of the details.(been there). Now I wish I had not asked. No good advice here. I too am existing, I am just determined. Fake it until I can make it. I love him so much. That is why it hurts so much. Take one day at a time. When you want to talk and can't just write it down. We even tape record messages for the other. Sometimes it is easier to say things to a machine then the person. Although they don't hug very well. Good luck to you.<P>------------------<BR>Janie

NGU<P>Sorry to hear your still so down. Please wait for the birth of your babe to deal with this stuff. Believe me, At for dirst I wanted to know the details, even now I wonder what they talk about evbery day, but I no longer want any real factual deatils. My imagination does quite enough and I do not need confirmation. It makes it too real. I really try to look at this whole thing like a phantom thing. She is a phantom, living so far away and H not talking about her--He won't let me into his life with her. i have asked him not to bring her into our lives--ie: son't talk to her on the phone on the weekends, or when I am out of the house, etc.<P>I only know her name and a few other things, but not what she looks like, or her weight(size) except that he bought her Ann Taylor-I cannot fit into anything in that store!<P> I have come to like the vague details. It gives me nothing to dwell over. I have enough with the verbal statements to swell over, the ones that really hurt. Like "her name is M***, I think I loved her the day we met, I could never hate you, she is such a wonderful person-she worships me, I am not in love with you-I just don't have those feelings anymore-but I love you(only one time since dday)."-----<P>Those are enough. How much else do you want to torture yourself with? Let it go..the need for info. Once you know you cannot forget it if you did not like it...<P>B.

I would have to agree that you will only dwell on the facts if you knew details. I know to much and it kills me. I have a friend with the same name she has and I hate to even say something about my friend just in case it brings her to his mind (if he wasn`t already thinking of her). How I hate this whole situation. I think we think we should know everything so they have no secrets from us, but I now know that its a mistake to want to know everything. My H is here but not sure he wants us to work. Dwell on the fact that he wants to work on it in that way I think your lucky.