Folks<P>Well today my W and I came to the final decision on the financial settlement for our separation. She is still full on with the decision to go start afresh with the OM and intend to leave in about 6 weeks time.<P>Maybe I am being a fool but I find it fruitless trying to argue against her decision and it much more congenial to help her out with the logistics.<P>For example my W has been deliberating whether the OM should come here to live or she should go there (2000 miles away). I finally convinced her today that she would be better to travel back to the west coat to be with him. I just keep removing every constraintto her moving.<P>She was so happy with all my logic that she went from a state of depression early in the day to a very happy disposition later on and gave me a big kiss before we went to bed this evening. I even found myself talking to her about the OM, a subject that was taboo until just recently.<P>What's the saying about if you really love something let it go and if it returns it was meant to be and if not it was never meant to be. I guess I am living by that philosophy at present.<P>Anyone like to comment?

Isn't it a crazy world when you can say that your wife "gave me a big kiss before we went to bed this evening"....husband and wife, just going to bed, nitey nite sleep tight honey, nice kiss because you are such a wonderful guy, being there for her. But she plans on moving to be with another. (???)<P>How you are handling this is really amazing in my opinion. Plan A and no LBs. It is really strange, but it is like the amicable nature of what you are doing temporarily removes the stress from the situation, and makes her all happy inside. However, realistically, I think it is like a shot of morphine that will wear off, and reality will hit her. Then, all the things you do will rise to the surface. That is the way I see it.<P>6 weeks time. So why not this week? Do you think she is buying time because it is scary? The one question I'd have is doesn't moving mean your daughter goes too? For me that would not be an option. However, perhaps you are playing your cards such that she has to make the big decision to move and uproot herself (ie. your removal of any constraints to moving). Is that what you are doing.<P>In any event, I think you are handling it well.

Rick<P>The issue of 6 weeks gives the D her last term at her current school befors she finishes her year.<P>Unfortunately yes it does mean she will be going with my W but I believe not for long. I strongly believe that I am going to have to let this affair run it's course and destroy itself before we can get back together and rebuild. If I don't allow this to happen even if my W changes her mind before she goes with him she will always wonder what it would be have been like in the other relationship. This is too risky for me. Once she leaves I will be in Plan B as it will then have been approx 5 months of Plan A (about all I can cope with).<P>This is about the best I think I can do under the circumstances. I know my W still loves me and will miss me when she leaves.<P>What do you think?

What do you think?<P>I think I am constantly amazed. I think if I only knew about this board before I divorced my first husband I would have never done it. I think that when I am having a hard day coping with this H's A. I come here and find strentgh and compassion and hope. I think that you all are so wonderful. I think that you are so strong and committed and that your wife should be grateful to be so lucky that you are willing to do this for your marriage. I wish you only the best. The newness will wear off. If you can be that patient.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Janie