My H has been living with OW for 6 months now and shows no sign of coming out of the fog.<P>I see him briefly once a week when he picks up the kids. He is always friendly and sometimes it seems like he doesn't want me to go.<P>He has also recently started asking to speak to me when he phones the kids every night. This is usually about very trivial matters which could quite easily have waited until he saw me.<P>He also sent me a birthday card and wrote inside it that he was still thinking about me.<P>I am trying very hard to get on with my life and be the best person I can be. I know that I can't change him or what has happened but I sometimes get so confused.<P>Annie

Wish I could tell you. My wife has had it going on for a year and half. My opinion is the fog will lift when they find themselves in a situation with no one to turn to and then have some kind of reality check. Probably get flamed for this view but I've subscribed to the MB concept of the "FOG" being an illness for quite some time and I'm sure that is a fair assessment for some folks. Lately, for me, I no longer consider what we call FOG on this board as illness at all. As I read that word I read "FOG - Foolishness of Guilt)"

Annie<P>I believe the attitude of your H is a common one in that the WS needs to know that you are still there for them as a backup in the event that anything should happen to the relationship with the OP. <P>My W and I were separated and as soon as I made myself not available to her for these nice little meetings (basically Plan B) the tables turned and she wanted to reconcile. Unfortunately we gotback together and she now wants to leave again for the OM.<P>I am not advocating that you go to Plan B as this is a call you need to make based on your own feelings for your H at the appropriate time, all I can say is it made a difference in our case.<P>Regards Inlimbo<P>

Hi AnnieJ:<P>The length of time it takes each WS to come out of the "fog" is different, but it certainly sounds like there are beginning to be baby steps from your H toward coming home.<BR>I know it's hard to tell sometimes...and WS are not usually willing to discuss where they are in their relationship with OP...good or bad.<P>I would say that you should continue as you have been for a while longer. Has there been talk about divorce? If not then definitely continue...he apparently is not ready to commit one way or the other. Until you have some indication that he has decided then you need to just keep doing what appears to be working for now.<P>Six months was just about the time that my H began to start coming out of the "fog" and he was back by 9 months...so hang in there.<BR>You're certainly better off if this thing can be ended by him...once and for all...not by your forcing him to choose between you and her. Believe me...letting it be his decision is for the best....as long as you can keep the love you have for him alive.<P>I give you advise that I wish someone had given me...make sure before H comes back that it is entirely over...for him. If not then there is always the possibly of it starting up again....if the OW is willing...and it happens often.<P>You're on the right path, just keep going for a while longer.<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye

Thanks for the replies.<P>Divorce was mentioned way back in April when he first moved out but it has not been mentioned since. OW needs a visa to stay in this country therefore she wants to marry my H.<P>Annie