Not sure how H will feel about me posting this here I hope he doesn't mind too much. But I gotta get it off my chest.<P>Due to a slow-down in business, H and a bunch of other people from his work got laid off last night. He will be getting severence pay, and our little boy is still covered under his insurance for a month. After that, unless H can find a job by then, it's all on me. (With the exception of H's Air National Guard income and unemployment )<P>I am now working for a nursing Agency, which means my hours fluctuate from week to week. The pay is really good but I am not guaranteed shifts. As of right now, I have my hours for the next week worked out, but after that, we have to keep playing it by ear. I DON'T LIKE PLAYING THINGS LIKE THIS BY EAR!!!!! <P>I had just sat down the other night and figured out all our bills etc. After having gotten really behind due to my maternity leave and changing jobs, I finally had everyone lined up to be paid. Then my H comes home with all his sh*t in a box. <P>Now, of course, I am bouyed by the fact that my H is extremely capable, intelligent, individual and is skilled in the medical and computer fields. The chances of him finding a new job (and perhaps a better one than he had before) are excellent. But there are no guarantees in a situation like this. The tension of worrying about the future has made my nerves raw. I have been like this since 8:30 this AM when he came home.<P>I feel like there is so much on me now. Not that I can't handle it, but I feel the weight. Until H finds another source of income, I won't be able to relax. Until I know my son will be insured, I can't relax. Until I know we can keep on paying the bills, I can't relax. We don't live an extravagant lifestyle. We are not cruising around in Mercedes or even living in our own home. But we do need both of our incomes to pay the bills. <P>I am just trying my best to deal with the panic which is simmering at a low boil in the pit of my stomach. I am getting snappy and short with people. This could turn out to be very, very bad. Just when we get over one hill, up looms the next mountain.<P>I am saying all of this here because I don't want to drag my H down with me and I need to get it out. Has anyone ever been here before? Any words of advice or ideas? <P>I know this isn't your run of the mill adultery question, but you all have helped us thru so much, this is the first place I thought of to come vent my fear and frustration. Thanks for listening!<P>Khyra

Boy, do I ever know how you feel! My husband has been laid off 4 times during our marriage, one time while I was pregnant. The latest time was right before I had my internet EA. <P>I am very sorry this has happened. Please, just take it one day at a time and be as supportive to your husband as you can. <P>What a horrible blow, I am praying for you and your family.

Don't really know what to say, bills are a drag. Keep the faith, don't borrow trouble. Make the best of it. contact the ones you owe and make payment arrangements so it won't affect your credit, most are willing to work with you. Remember that being behind in bills isn't the worst thing you have to go thru in life. Most of all come here and let off steam. My H was so money minded until he had an A that cost us thousands by the time it had reaked havoc on our lives, now he is just happy that we are working thru this and money isn't an issue. Best of luck.<P>------------------<BR>Janie

Khyra-<BR>I am so sorry you're going through this. I don't really have much advice for you, just wanted to give you some support. And like Raskal said, take it one day at a time.

Hi Khyra:<P>Uncertainty is a hard thing to deal with...but I learned through years of ups and downs that the downs are never as down as we imagine...nor the ups as high as we planned...but we live through them.<P>Let me tell you what I use to tell my employees when there had to be a firing or a layoff...and this is true in my case...every time I have shut the door on one job, I have opened the door to a better one. So don't look at this as an ending...look at it as an opportunity to move ahead...sometimes it's the only way we can move on...to be jolted out of the rut. Just a thought...I know I probably sound like a Pollyanna...but I believe that if you are a good employee and a capable person then you have no need to worry about finding a job.<P>Just put your faith in God and let him take care of you...he always does...in his own time...and try not to worry...worrying never changes anything for the better...it just drags you down. You'll get though this...after all you have that wonderfully talented man at your side and I send you an angel to watch over and comfort you.<P><BR>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<P><BR>

I've been where you are.<P>First of all, pray for financial provision. If you're not a praying woman, I'll pray for you and your family anyway.<P>As far as insurance goes, your H should be offered COBRA when his insurance coverage ends. (I believe this is required by law) You have to pay it and it is VERY expensive, but it is an option.<P>Sounds like a plan will help to diffuse some of your anxiety. Payment arrangements sounds like a good plan for now. Creditors will appreciate your being upfront and your timely payments according to agreed upon arrangements.<P>W/your H's background in med and computers, he will probably find work real soon.<P>Try to relax Khrya and make the best of a unfortunate situation.<P>God Bless,<BR>Enlightened

Thanks all for replies and encouragement posted so far. <P>When things go wrong, it makes you realize how great it is just to coast along. <P>I may be able to take on a 2nd job doing some data entry from my puter at home. I hate to come across as a whiner, but this is not at all what I had planned. When I had Andrew, I was going to drop down to part-time and be a mostly stay at home mom. One thing after another has hapened to prevent this from happening. I even had to wean him arly because my job in the ER made it impossible to stop long enough to, ahem, pump. Now I will be working full time, doing the Guard, AND doing some work at home stuff too if I can. <P>Like I said I have faith in my H's ability in the workforce. I just have no faith in the economy/job market out here in PA. <P>The self medication has begun. <P>

Hey Khyra,<P>Just one word of caution: Please don't take on more than you can handle. You'll crash and burn out and ultimately defeat the whole purpose. Don't want that to happen.<P>Enlightened

Hi Again Khyra:<P>Hey, you're not a whiner. You got a real problem...but you'll get though it.<P>If your H can't find a job in PA...there's plenty in Texas...if you don't mind the heat...things are bustling everywhere here....George has done such a good job...we're going to let everyone borrow him for a while I think. H voted absentee for Gore...we always cancel each other out.<P>This kinda thing always puts things in perspective doesn't it. Why would God give you more to worry about...perhaps giving you a common goal to work toward. Just think though...God must think you're pretty special since he's giving you such a heavy load. He must think you're up to it. I think so too.<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<P>

Khyra:<P>Believe me, I understand where you're coming from -- financial woes can really take it out of you. My wife and I graduated from our respective schools with over $100K in loans. Paying them off was something out of a nightmare, it just sapped our energy. We would lay awake at night worrying that we were just one paycheck from the street.<P>But you can do it, Khyra. I know that having all the weight of the family's finances on you, even if it's just for a short time, will be incredibly stressful. But you've proven, by dint of the fact that you're working so hard to put your marriage back together, that you're a fighter. You're strong, and you don't give up. You'll have to hold your family solely in your own hands for a while, but they're in good hands, and everyone on this board knows it.<P>And I'm certain it will only be for a short while. As you've said, with your H's skills, his chances of finding a new job are excellent, and soon enough things will be back on an even keel. Who knows, you may even reap some benefit out of this? I know that being under the constant pressure of loan repayment really forced my W and I to examine our finances carefully, and squeeze out every drop of fat. By the time the loans were paid off, we were a lean, mean financial machine. I know this sounds too much like "when life gives you lemons . . .", etc., but maybe something good will come out of this experience.<P>Good luck. We're all pulling for you!

Hey - my H and I work in the entertainment industry and we NEVER know what's coming next! Neither of us have steady jobs - its working from gig to gig. You could purchase a nice vehicle with what I owe on credit cards right now! <BR>BUT - my H is home with me, we are working on our marriage and we will get through whatever life hands us.<BR>Hang in there!

Dear Khyra,<P>I just read the other people's posts, and there are good practical suggestions (contacting creditors, signing onto COBRA). I know that American Express doesn't report to TRW or other credit raters, so maybe you can hold off or do a small pay to them. <P>Just wanted to put a cyber arm around your shoulders (we all need a hug from time to time) and say "There, there!" <P>I actually asked for a real life hug and a "There, there" from a friend recently. I made her repeat it 3 times! It won't make the bills go away, but like a cup of hot tea, it couldn't hurt.<P>I hope if our family has to visit an emergency room anytime, there's someone just like you there to help us.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Khyra,<P>First, someone just posted to you not to take on too much. This is very good advice. Second piece of advice, that I believe everyone has given you in one form or another is: DON'T PANIC.<P>Now I would like to offer you some more advice. I have been the sole financial provider for my family for 25 years. I take great pride in the fact that I have been able to do this, but I do understand the pressure you feel. It is enormous, BUT , it is something that has been done by many people for a long time. So put this in perspective OK.<P>And yes I have lost my job before with a company I help build. In fact, my job depends solely on my ability to successfully compete for contracts. I lose I am out of work. <P>My next piece of advice which has also been touched on already, is to keep an eye on your H. Losing a job affects men more strongly than women. The old role thing, I am sure. So while you are worrying about the family finances, just remember so is he. More importantly, he is very likely to feel he is failing his family: wife is in panic, insurance well end (but COBRA is available, must be by law), wife having to leave a new baby to work, etc). These things don't build the old self-esteem and it is perhaps a little low already.<P>Khyra, you may not believe this, but what has happened is an OPPORTUNITY. Yeah, you think I am nuts, but it is. It is an opportunity for you and H come closer than ever. To work through these times (help each other not to panic, help each other emotionally, and refocus on the really important things in life), it is also an opportunity for him to find something he would like to do better.<P>How so? Because most people won't leave a decent paying job with a new baby and many bills, even if there are better opportunities out there. It is just too much to do. Now, it must be done. So I would give you one last piece of advice for you to pass along to Unseen2.<P>Don't take the first job offer you get unless it is the job you want. I am sure there are many out there that will align with his goals for the future and the salary requirements he has. That job may not be the first that comes along.<P>So use this opportunity to really advance things, don't look at it as a set back.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

EnLIGHTened: Thank you for being my light today. I am notorious for taking on too much at one time. Hey, live fast, die young. JK! No, I will make sure that I do nothing that will compromise my marriage or my ability to care for my little punkin.<P>Buffy: We have both lived in TX and wouldn't mind going back at all. Unfortunatley, moves cost LOTS of money. Otherwise, we'd go in half a heartbeat. We still may someday, but it won't be till we are back on our feet.<P>Taxi: You are too kind. Ugh, those ae some horrendous student loans! We have some of those, too. Boy the DAY you quit going to school, they are knocking on your door. Hey, I know - I'll justy keep Jason in school until his body gives out, that way we don't have to pay! I could be a student for life too!<P>We can pare some expenditures down. It's all those little $20 a month here and ther bills we accrued during the times when we could afford the extra expense. <P>Alberta: Scary to have to live like that, but you have made it somehow! What kind of entertainers are you? It's always been a fantasy of mine to be in a band and play gigs on the weekends. <P>Belle: Awww, shucks hehe. No you don't I'm the nurse form Hell! lol We have been offered COBRA form both of our workplaces, but it IS expensive, and we already can't make ends meet. I may have to go with a gov't funded program unless J can get a job before his old benefits run out.<P><BR>JL: I do tend to look at this as more of an opportunity than a curse. Maybe he will find a better, higher paying job. He put in three applications yesterday and has sent his resumee to wo others that I know of already. <P>I just remember that it took us around three - four weeks to find any kind of work at all. He started out in a temp service then got hired on permenantly after about 2 months. So, it does take some time. That's where my worry lies.<P>And it wouldn't suck quite as bad if we weren't already behind on some stuff - like utilities and phone and cable. AAARRGGHH at least the rent and the car are ok - but by the skin of our teeth.<P>Thanks again, for your saving wisdom, JL. YOu have been a boon to us both, more than u know.<P>Khyra <BR>