Falsely Accused --<P>Sorry, it's been so long. I'm been tryig to stay away for awhile since surfing this site is only making me more depressed. Things are deteriorating, and I cannot say there's any hope in saving the marriage. <P>I've even told my brother what's happening, and that I fully expect that we will be seperating very soon. He has gone through a divorce, and I was seeking some advice re:his son who has turned out great -- I could only be so blessed that y kids might weather this storm like his son.<P>Anyway... enough about me. How's your health? What happened re:the cyst? Have you included your D's in any info re:your health, or are you still keeping it close to the vest?<P>Remember... Chin up!<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>How I know the feelings about surfing this site. Sorry to hear things have not improved on your end. I'm glad you opened up to your brother, you need someone to talk to. And as far as your kids they will be fine as long as you stay involved with them. They will stay the great kids that you have raised them to be. <P>Things here have taken a slight twist. Five days before our anniversary H told me he was going to divorce me. My answer to that was "Go ahead I don't care anymore, I have to much to deal with right now with our D(major problems) and my health to worry about that.", then he went off to bed. <P>Whatever I said got to him and he came in the next night and wanted to talk. I had printed out something JL had written in the emotional needs section about changing attitudes and during our talk I handed it to him to let him know I'm not the one who can change him he needs to do that for himself. He felt the same way JL did with being behind the dog in this family and it is because of the attitude he has when he is home. <P>All in all to make a long story short he has changed ever so slightly and is interacting a little more with the girls. I really like to see that, they need him right now. So I'm hanging in there and taking it a day at a time with H and we'll see where it goes. <P>As far as the cyst goes and my health. If this Dr doesn't get his **** together and get this thing out of my neck I'll be anorexic soon. It is so large that I am really having a tough time swallowing anything at this time. The cyst is located in the left lobe of the thyroid, the whole left side of the thyroid must be removed and retested to make sure there is no cancer being it came back so large and so fast. <P>Its been over two weeks since I had my appointment with him and still no surgery date. I have placed numerous calls to his office and they finally called me back on Wed and told me because of the delicacy of this operation he wants a good assistant in there with him and they are having trouble with scheduling it due to vacations and surgery days. (The Dr's here have certain days they do their surgeries.) From what they told me it looks like I'll be waiting until the end of Nov. beginning of Dec. for this operation to happen. I'm trying to stick it out with this Dr because hes not only qualified to do this surgery hes also a certified plastic surgeon and you know how I feel about the scar(which will be quite large about 4-5 inches long above the collar bone.) <P>The girls know all about it, theres no hiding it now that I can't swallow. I even choked on a piece of gum while driving the other day. In fact the word has spread through my H's whole side of his family and I'm getting a lot of support from most of them. My youngest and believe it or not H are taking it the hardest but we joke around about it just to keep them in light of it all. They have even seen the ultrasound films and saw the size of it and can understand a lot more now. <P>So I'm at the waiting stages once again and praying that all will end up fine. Thanks for asking, it means a lot to have some support through all this. <P>falsely accused

FA --<P>Don't have much time, but wanted to say I saw the post. <P>First, I'm sorry about your H's declaration, but perhaps you're response jarred him since it was not the one he fully expected.<P>I was hoping that your oldest D was adapting well to her return to school. Although you didn't go into details, I took it that she's got some problems. I just hope they are adolescent type and not dependency related.<P>And, about you... If you're not getting the satisfaction of having a doctor get it together, start looking elsewhere, and quick. If it is suspicious, you want that thing out. It may come a time when the plastic surgeon issue becomes a follow up procedure. If you're choking on gum, please get a second opinion and get somebody on the case fast.<P>It's not to worry, but waiting for him to "get on it" has got to be mind boggling!<P>In a wierd sort of way, perhaps this bend in the road may help open up some dialogue in the house. Apparnetly it is already working (even if just a little) between your H and your D's.<P>Prayers are headed your way. Hang in there, and remember --<P>Chin Up! In fact, model that damn cyst! But, stay positive and focused!<P>--keystone

Hey keystone,<P>One of the reasons I haven't gone to another Dr is there is only one other in our insurance plan. At least with this Dr I know he is qualified in both areas. Plastic surgery afterwards is not an option to me due to insurance not covering it and I just can't afford something like that. Plus if it is taking this long to schedule something transferring records from one to another will be a nightmare. <P>On the oldest D subject its a depression/self mutilation matter which I'm really not ready to discuss yet, just because of the fact when I talk about it I seem to get really depressed and upset. Also the teachers calling here telling me how much she is not doing in the past month is taking its toll. I've reverted back to the "tough love" routine with her and less counseling(insurance ran out, and all of a sudden it wasn't helping the way I thought it should be after all this time) and it seems to be having a slight impact on her. All I can do is try and guide her in the right direction. <P>As far as H & I, well its weird. We are(or should I say I am) talking a little more but this past week was rough being he is reverting back in a lot of ways. I still can not say those three little words he wants to hear from me. I'm hoping in time it will come but I just don't know anymore. Its really hard to get over all the hurt from so many years. We sat and watched a couple of movies together last night and I was leaning back on him and thinking to myself "will I ever get back any feelings?!". <P>Keeping my chin up!<BR>falsely accused

FA --<P>Totally understand your feelings about your D. No pressure here, just some prayers. My D is now officially a teenager and I fear/dread the unknown here.<P>On one hand, I know what you say about your H. On the otherhand, my feelings haven't even gotten to that state yet. I don't spend "free time" with her. It's just not there. Or, she (and I) don't want it to be there. Right now, we're drifting. I want to say the word "separate", and yet I cannot muster up the strength (or stupidity, feel, gall, ?) to say it.<P>For now, who knows...?<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>The hardest part in all this is to say words like separate or divorce. You will know and feel when that time comes. Apparently it hasn't yet. When I came back with that statement to my H when he hit me with divorcing me I was ready, as ready as I will ever be. There was absoultely nothing left for me to give to him. <P>There comes a turning point in which you won't look back and you can say you gave it your all. I was to that point. What comes of this, words from you "who knows?". <P>I guess in some ways I feel I have to give it one last shot here. H is trying not only with me but somewhat with the girls. I know he loves me and the girls but I also know deep in my heart he will never be the parent that these two or I need him to be. H will never be the "man" that I need him to be in this relationship. The decision making one or the one who helps around the house. Hes just not capable of any of that. <P>As far as the "teen years" and your D. My one big advice I can give to you is to make her feel so important in your life. Make her self-esteem rise above. <P>The one thing my D always says to me is " no matter what I do it will never be good enough for him". This has destroyed this child from the time when she was little until now. I can only do so much in this situation especially when she is looking for it from him and not me. <P>Come Janurary I'll be dealing with 2 teens!! LOL Not fun in my book, but I will make the best of it. They are great kids and I will do my best not to let them down as the stable parent. <P>Have a great day and smile a little, it helps!! <P>falsely accused

FA --<P>Ditto...!<P>Yes, it does help!<P>--keystone