Ok, I just wanted to make a list of what he has said to me.. you all are welcome to add more .<P>"many people are attracted to me.. why can't you?"<P>(when I asked him to stop calling OW(when I didn't know there was A going): "Yeah but I like her I can't just stop calling her!"<P>(when I said to him, "now OW is your girlfriend, so what am I for you?"): "I don't know, ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND??"<P>(When A came out): "you know you are MY WIFE, we(OW AND H) don't do certain things because you are special(translation: He doesn't do intercourse with her only oral sex--but this is in Feb. so I bet he's doing more than that)"<P>"if we(me and him) were sleeping together probably I haven't slept with her"<P>(when I told him my friend said to me he deserved to be punched in his face)"as soon as that happens, that means goodbye"<P>(When I found out he brought OW here and introduced her to his friends and family): "I didn't invite them, just they were there!"<BR>also: "She just wanted to see a baby(of his niece)"<P>(when I said something like he had to choose either me or her): "I have more than 2 choices"<P>He used to say OW was cute( and I was beautiful) and then at some point he said OW was beautiful. When I pointed it out: "when I think of you you are beautiful, inside and outside but when I think about OW I have to think well"<P>We never wanted to have kids. But now he started to think about it(OW wants some). I told him I really didn't want to, then: "I'm not convinced yet.. when I find out if I want kids or not I will come to you first"<P>"I want to be with you when I'm older"<P>"I want you to wait for me but I can't promise you I will come back"<P>(because I didn't have full time job and when I made some money I saved some so I could buy something): "because you weren't paying a half of the bills so these money are mine"<P>(when I pointed out his lies and asked why he couldn't be honest with me): "because I can't be honest to myself"(he said this at least 100 times)<P>Everytime I ask him if he was seeing a therapist: "I'm working on it"(it's been about an year now)<P>He moved out when his therapist at the time told him to and work things out with me, instead he work things out with OW(also she didn't think it was good idea to see OW but he didn't listen.. he only listened what was good for H)<P>Ok, I will think about more..<P>Meg<P>

I have more..<P>(when I told him I e-mailed OW): "I can't believe you involved her when this is between me and you"<P>"OW's H is very manupilative.. " (hello?..this comment made me stop talking to him.. who's manupilative?)<P>"when a gorgeous woman came up to me I said no because I was married but next year I saw her again and thought; 'how could I say no to her?'"<P>(when I said bad things about OW): "Oh, yeah, you think I want to be with someone like that?"<P>More to come...

You go MF! Purge Honey ... PURGE!<P>Get it all off your chest, vent and scream and yell and cry until you can't anymore ... this is the place to do it!<P>Get rid of that ANGER, it's only tearing you up inside. You don't deserve to feel bad and getting rid of the anger will cleanse your emotions so you can be free to be happy again.<P>Tell us more, we love you and want you emotionally well, SO PURGE!!!!<P>Love,<BR>Jo

Dear MF<P>Jo is right - you really need to get rid of all these sicko foggy stuff. At least you are wise to recognise that your WS has the problems, so don't beat yourself over the horrid remarks.<P>God bless<BR>weep

And MF .... I wanted to tell you that your H is a jerk ... why he can't see what a wonderful person you are and appreciate the love you have for him is HIS PROBLEM. And those problems he has will carry forward to his next relationship and again and again and again until he's realized it's HIM and seeks professional help.<P>Keep venting Honey, get it out! It's healthy and this is the place for it.<P><BR>Love you ...<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 03, 2000).]

I guess they all say stupid, hurtful things. Most of the time now my husband either denies that he said them, or says that he doesn't remember saying them. A few examples:<P>"She (OW) is my best friend, and it is not fair for you to expect me to give her up."<P>“If you left me I would be dating somebody else (not the married OW) in less than a month.”<P>“We didn’t have intercourse because SHE didn’t want to. She doesn’t enjoy it.” (At least one lie there, probably two.)<P>“I am damn well going to go there anyway, and you are NOT going with me.” (When he was leaving to spend a Saturday at his farm, where I suspected he was going to meet the OW for sex. I begged him not to go, or to take me with him. He refused to let me go along, went anyway, and met the OW for sex.)<P>“She listens when I talk and we have a lot of things in common. WE like to have fun, unlike you.”<P>“SHE is never sarcastic to me, and SHE never speaks to me disrespectfully, and SHE never criticizes me.”<P>“You don’t understand how hurt I am by what happened and what a hard time I am having.”<P>“You just need to put this behind you. It really is no big deal.”<P>“I have to make myself better before I can do anything else. That’s all I have time to concentrate on right now.”<P><BR>I could go on and on but I’m sure you get the general idea . Most betrayed spouses have heard the same kind of crap anyway.<P>Sometimes I think it’s a shame that the “selective amnesia” cheating spouses have isn’t contagious. There are a lot of things I wish I couldn’t remember.<P><BR>Peppermint <BR>

Thanks for the response.. I'm feeling better(although I feel like I'm having a flu right now ).<BR>And it's good many people talk to they just say my H is confused.. but actually make me feel good someone is calling him a jerk ! <BR>Peppermint, I assume you are on recovery. I hope everything goes well bet. you and your H..<BR>I'm happy to be here where many people(I want to call you all my friends) I don't even know how they look support me. Thanks again, and I hope to do the same to you .<P>Ok, here goes:<P>"So, I'm always the bad guy and you are always perfect"<P>"I will never leave you"<P>"I did mean things so you would leave me, but you didn't(so he did--I think he really didn't want to be a bad guy)"<P>"I imagined you were with someone and I couldn't stand it"(when I asked him to let me go)<P>(when I said to him if he was gonna be with OW I couldn't be his friend): "you are so proud of yourself"<P>"I don't feel sorry for you"<P>"I don't feel bad what I do(after him moving out)"<P>"I can't be honest while I'm living with you(and he can't be honest when he's not living with me either!)"<P>"I started to tell her I love her but it doesn't mean much(he told me he loved me so it doesn't mean much?)"<P>Thanks for letting me vent and you all are welcome to add your spouses' unbelievable words here..<P>Meg

Peppermint, <P>If I was given only 1 cent for each of those "She's my best friend ..." trash, by now I would be rich woman. <P>Here asre some more: <P>"If I have to give her up, I would have to cut off big part of my emotions. Then, you will have zombi at home. You want to live with zombi?"<P>"Does she know I love her? What did she say?" (his question to ME after I spoke with OW)<P>"You've been so selfish ... why can't you accept third person in your life?" (I replied I'm very sorry, but we are both raised in Western Europen culture, and therefore not allowed to legally have more than one wife)<P>"Look, her sister is soon to be graduate. Any chance you find some job for her in your dept.?" (well, I'm one of board members of my company ...and believe it or not, H asked me this when I said I'll soon need more staff in my department! And, by that time I already new about A!)<P><BR>(when I said OW hurt me and insulted me) "I can't interfere in your relation. I have enough of my problems."<P>"Don't take me wrong, but if we (H and I) hadn't met, she would be perfect match."<P>"She is so unhappy being 31 and still single. You know, she badly wants to be mom, wants family on her own. I'm sure she would be great wife and mom."<P>"yes, I attempted suicide because of her ... would you be less jealous if I did it because of you?" (Oh my God ...)<P>There is a tone of other "perls" ... but you got a clue, I guess. <P><BR>Think we should keep this thread running for some time. <P><BR>Love, <P>Adrian

I know that what they say is insane, but I have a hard time letting it go. H has said some really hurtful things. I to have heard "shes my best friend" more times than I care to remember. I wanted to say "then have your best friend wash your dirty underware". "I could never talk to you the way I can talk to her", "she understands me", "I`m connected to her in a way I`ve not been with you". The ever famous "I love you but I`m not in love with you". Oh and of course "you deserve someone better than me". My reply to that one was "you`re right but God help me I want you". I guess they really are insane.

How about this one:<BR>"I love her more than I love you"<BR>And this one week after I gave birth to his son!!!

Please let me share some of my personal favorites:<P>I don't love you, I don't hate you, I have no feelings for you what so ever.<P>You don't love me, you only think you do.<P>Reason for A:- Things have been getting pretty mundane lately.<P>I have only been with 4 other women.<P>The children don't need me anymore.<P>She is lonely at the weekends.<P>If I had met her first I would never have married you.<P>I'm doing this for myself.<P>She is the only one who has ever truely understood me.<P>It's not an affair, it is greater than that.<P>I have to go to her because she left her last partner when he wouldn't commit.<P>I could go on and on but I think I should leave space for someone else.<P>Hope<P><BR>

Hi there,<BR>Thanks for posting your WS' remarks. Many of them were so ridiculous I just had to laugh my head off!! Please do keep posting if that makes you feel better by doing so. And maybe for some people these may bring some laughs too..<P>You all are in my prayers, <BR>Meg

I got some<P>"I can't believe she (ow) puts up with you. You should be nice to her"<P>"I didn't this to pay you back for not returning my guns" Which I removed from the house after OW told me him and her plotted to kill me.<P>"I told her I loved her to make her shut up"<P>"I didn't want to have sex with her..she made me"<P>"When I had sex with her, I thought about you the whole time" Ok stupid..why were you there in the first place, if that was the case?<P>"She knows how to get me going"<P>"I believe a man should have more than one women.....she could move in here"<P>"I felt obligate to her, because of the baby"<P>"I just didn't want to hurt anyone"<P>"I don't understand why you do trust me?"<P>"Ok, when are you going to stop dwelling, the past is the past, let it go"<P>"It doesn't count because it's in the past"<P>and my all time favorite from the OW<P>"I HAD SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T"<P>and of course there was my reply<BR>"so...your happy with taking my seconds?" hahahaha<P>noodles

Ugh! Luckily the only BS I ever got about the OW was the usual lame "We are just friends" and "If it's going to cause problems I'll never talk to her again" that was said a week before he left me for her! Guess they kept talking. My sister's ex had some doozies though:<P>He was at a bar with male friends (pre OW). The next day she found a receipt for almost $150 at the bar. She asked him and he said "There were these 2 british girls there and we started talking to them. Their accents were such a turn on I couldn't help buying them drinks just to keep talking to them"<P>After the divorce - "You know now that you have lost 20 pounds I'm thinking that I might give you another chance"<P>My sister wasn't fat to start with by the way!<P>When she found out about OW - "I always wanted a really skinny woman. She is practically a skeleton and it really turns me on"<P>During the affair while driving by a junior high school when the 14 year olds were getting out of school - "I wish you had a body like that and could dress like that. I know you can't pull it off though."<P>Shortly after the divorce she realized what a psycho he was. As soon as he realized she no longer wanted him anymore he spent the next 2 years practically stalking her, proclaiming his undying love. Gag.

Bellevue wants to play:<P>1) She's my BestFriend. I've never had a BestFriend before. She's discreet, she's my confidante, she's wise, I seek her advice. She's very kind.<P>2) Don't be so selfish! Think of me for once!<P>3) I lust for you constantly. She's not a threat to you. I never thought I would be married. You're the best thing that every happened to me. I'm so in love with you. I have such a good life that it's like stealing.<P>4) You have no right to dictate my friendships.<P>5) [In response to my "What will people think if they see you taking her out to dinner after work all the time?"] "They will think I'm feeding my [staffmember]." They will see me having dinner with a good friend. There's nothing wrong with it. and I'm not going to let her go hungry. She has a long drive home and she won't eat unless I take her out. (Her H forgets to thaw things in the microwave when she calls and reminds him to.)<P>6) [in therapy] I've told friends "I love you" (which I was too slow to pounce on, kids, but later it hit me like a brick. He was slipping in the information in a way that wouldn't stand out, that besides all the long phone calls, dinners out, gifts, etc. he had said the L word to her. <P>7) The passion is gone. I don't love you like a H should love a W. It's been gone a long time. I've tried everything, it doesn't feel the same. I care about you, I'm just not in love with you. Counseling wouldn't help. <P>8) I lied to myself for years. When you noticed me being so down, it wasn't because OW was taking another job [where he wouldn't see her every day]; it was because that was when I finally stopped lying to myself.<P>9) I only married you because I didn't want to hurt your feelings [Yes, he actually said that] but I didn't want to. I thought I could make you happy, that's why I married you.<P>10) I want to go off after S is older and on his own, and live alone without you two.<P>11) She's a very attractive person. No, I'm not attracted to her in any way physically.<P>12) Posted later: Q from H to me: "Who is YOUR best friend?" (me: "A woman!") H: "Well, so is mine!"<P>13) You only wanted what you could get from me! (The house, the "vacations" which were all trips with our son to see our families.)<P>14) You resent all my outside interests, even basketball! (He later recanted when I pointed out how for years I had arranged my schedule and appointments so that he could play.) Part of the fog, obscuring even the clearly "good" things I had done, rewriting history.<P>Okay, that's enough catharsis for now. <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess<P>[This message has been edited by Bellevue (edited November 07, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Bellevue (edited November 07, 2000).]

I forgot afew!<P>My H - "I feel sorry for her because her boyfriend has no job and drinks all the time. She comes to me for advice" <P>"I never told you that she kept calling me after she didn't work with me anymore because I knew you would get mad"<P>My sister's ex (I love this one) - I can't wear my wedding ring when I go out with my friends because it gets hot in the bar and makes my hand sweat" Yeah, I bet it did!

Here is a previous post with lotsa comments made from the betraying spouse.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/19991122-1-003658.html" TARGET=_blank>Famous quotes from betraying spouses</A><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Thanks Chris!<BR>I sent the link to my H .<P>Meg

I have more..<P>"I invested so much time on her, I can't give her up now"<P>"It's good for you to have more experience(he's suggesting me to see someone)"<P>"(When I talked to him last week) I started to be attracted to other people..(HAHAHAHAHA! When he takes actions for it I wanna see OW's face!)"<P>Meg

Dear MF, <P> I am so sorry you had to hear those things, especialy from someone you trusted so much. The only advice I can give you is to try to treat him as if he were very ill(in a way he is), Ill to the point that he doesn't know what he is saying. I really don't believe a person can be in their right mind and say those incredibly hurtful things to someone they made a vow to, before God. <BR> My prayers are with you.<BR> <P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg