Sorry I haven't been around too much. I've just found that there <B>is</B> life after he leaves you and I've been busy trying to keep up with it.<P>Here's a little update news and something kind of wierd that happened. <P>I will preface this story by saying that yesterday morning I had to go to a funeral. My H's boss's wife finally succumbed to cancer after a four year battle. We were all very close to her and it was a hard day. <P>I went to the funeral by myself but met up with many friends (who also happen to be my H's colleagues and their spouses) and was greeted <B>very</B> warmly. They all pretty much know that my H and I are separated. There wasn't one person who didn't express sincere well wishes for me and there were plently of hugs going around.<P>Well, my H <B>totally</B> ignored me -- did not say one word or even look me in the eye. I thought -- what a jerk! As it turned out, at the reception dinner, I ended up sitting at the table with the folks he usually hangs with -- because that's who we both hung with when we were together -- and he sat at a different table. His boss was kind and warm toward me -- as was <B>everyone</B> except my H. It really made him look like a big a$$. <P>So, oh well, when I left I gave everyone big hugs and left without saying goodbye to him. I just thought it was rude that he couldn't even have the courtesy to acknowledge my presence. I guess he didn't want anyone to think that there was any possibility that we might be remotely friendly with each other.<P>I shrugged it off and had a great day -- closed a nice deal yesterday! <P>Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I had met this woman the other day that is the secretary for the pool league at a local pub. I told her I might be interested in playing (I used to wield a mean stick ) and she invited me to come down and observe their mixed league last night. So I did. And guess who was there?? Yup, my dear H.<P>We both pretty much figured out we saw each other, but I went to the table where this friend of mine was sitting and was greeted like an old buddy. I was happy -- I sat down and just ignored the lump sitting across the room. I told my friend and her boyfriend (who just happens to golf with my H from time to time -- how weird is that??) who my H was and just some brief history about what was going on. I didn't bad mouth him, just the facts, M'aam, just the facts.<P>Well, the next thing I know, he walks toward our table, looks at me, and says "hi, how are you?" I said fine, and you? He said fine. I was not about to be anymore than civil after the way he had treated me that morning. I went back to my conversation and he wandered off. My H was playing pool against one of my friend's man friends -- a tall good-looker if I may say so. It just kept getting wierder.<P>A little later, my H wandered back over and asked if his boss had returned my crock pot yet (I had fixed their family a big pot of beef stew while he was nursing his dying wife at home). I said no but his boss had told me at the funeral that he would call when he got back from MO (where they were burying his W) and we would arrange to get my cooker back. My H said he was going to be staying at their house while they were gone (how convenient ) and he would bring it back to me himself. I just said okay, that's fine. And he wandered back to his pool game. <P>As the evening progressed, my friend said that her tall-good looking man friend was expressing some interest in me. She's just a little ball of fire and she got it in her head that she was going to play match maker. Before the night was over, Mr. Tall and I talked and he asked if he could call me. I told him all about my situation with my H and said I wasn't looking right now. He was a total gentleman -- which I have to admit, I found very appealing.<P>It was weird having this conversation with Mr. Tall with my H only a few paces away doing a great job at pretending he barely knew me. The next time I looked around, my H had left. I didn't feel guilty in the least. Is that bad? It felt kind of good for my H to see that my life was going on, I was happy AND this tall, good-looking man found me attractive.<P>I have to admit I felt attracted to this guy, but I also don't really feel like I'm ready nor is it appropriate for me to date -- yet!<P>For those of you who have hung on through the whole story -- first of all, thanks!! And then, what do you think of all this? <P>Thanks for listening! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn<P>If I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1CO 13:2

KristyAnn,<P>The life after he left sounds pretty good <BR>You seem doing very well and people around you are very nice to you.. <P>Meanwhile your H acts like a jerk and seems to me he's a loser(sorry!)<P>And it's great this tall good looking guy shows interets in you.. <P>I'm happy to read your update(although I don't know your story).<P>Keep up the good work !<P>Meg<BR>

KA,<P>I think you had better be careful. There seems to be more going on than you are aware of. For example why would H not talk to you at the funeral and other occasions but when you are in someplace where no one knows him he will? Jealousy may work to get him back but it may finally drive him away. I don't think that games will get you anywhere and if you get involved with someone before the marriage is over you will be in his boat.<P>Other than that, I think it is great that you are getting out and about. It will be good for you in the long run and in the short run.<P>I suspect there is something left in your H for you. But it would seem that there are some other issues. Too bad you two cannot get to those issues.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Isn't it gratifying when a person of quality takes an interest in you and can dispell some of the negative self-esteem issues the WS has caused?<P>Everyone needs to know they are desirable. The funny thing is that it often takes someone else's interest in us to inspire the WS to wake up and realize that what they have dismissed is the best thing that ever happened to them and that someone else has noticed us and is interested.<P>Don't be surprised if your WS developes a renewed interest in you.<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear Meg, JL and catnip,<P>Thanks for your replies <P>Meg, My life has been <B>great</B> lately. So much so, I can hardly believe it. I actually feel happier than I have in years.<P>Dear JL, my faithful friend. I'd like to know myself why he is acting the way he is. Why <B>wouldn't</B> he talk to me at the funeral? And, why was it important for him to acknowledge me at the pub? I would <B>love</B> to know what's up with that. Tell me what <B>you</B> think. You're pretty good at reading between the lines. <P>And, as far as the jealousy thing, I didn't set the stage for any thing of the sort. I wasn't playing any games. Why do you say that? To tell you the truth, I'm not really interested in making him jealous. He has made <B>huge</B> strides in killing the love I have for him and he becomes less attractive to me everytime I see his smug little face.<P>At this point, I'm still willing to talk about reconciliation, but if he wants to continue on the course he's on, who am I to be putting up road blocks? He's made some decisions and has not given me any indication that he has deviated from them. So be it. My life will go on.<P>And, didn't you see where I said that I'm <B>not</B> ready to date?? I don't think it's a good idea for me to get involved until I'm single either.<P>JL, what do you think those mysterious other issues might be with him? If you have no guesses at that, how in the world am I supposed to figure out what they are when my H barely gives me the time of day? I'm tired of being treated so shabbily by him. He acts like I'm nothing more than a burden that needs to be disposed of. Sorry, I think better of myself than that.<P>And <B>YES</B>, catnip, even though I'm not interested in getting involved with this nice Mr. Tall, it helps my esteem <B>tremendously</B> to be found interesting and attractive by an equally interesting person. Whether my H finds a renewed interest in me or not, I find some satisfaction in him knowing that his opinion of me is <B>not</B> who I am. I am a gentle, postive, amazing, and loving woman with incredible energy and courage enough to step out toward what inspires me. I do not fit in to the mold that he has chosen for me and the hope, wonder, imagination and joy that I project in to the world is proof of that. I refuse to be tethered by his disrespectful treatment any more -- plain and simple.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn<P>If I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 1CO 13:2<p>[This message has been edited by KristyAnn (edited November 03, 2000).]

Hi KA,<P>First, I wasn't saying you were doing it to make him jealous. But it is a strong temptation isn't it? <P>Second, I find it interesting about the funeral and the Pub. I have no idea what is going through his head. I am hoping you might be able to find out. I was just pointing out the different behavior.<P>If you like I will speculate, but it is absolutely pure speculation. <P>The funeral he doesn't want to be seen as wrong. If he is friendly to you he is wrong. Plus since everyone seemed to be friendly to you I suspect he thinks they have chosen sides and you won.<P>At the pub, there were only strangers and you two were on neutral ground. He felt more comfortable about approaching you. <P>I know this going to sound crazy, but I'll bet he is much more reluctant to approach you than you are to approach him although you are the rejected spouse. He has put walls up to protect himself and he doesn't know when to come out of them.<P>Now if you really want to get draconian about this you might speculate that he has something going on with someone known to the people in the company and he doesn't want word getting back that he is being friendly to you.<P>So many possibilities KA, but my recommendation is to see if these or any others make sense. It would seem he is not dating anyone and frankly that is really strange unless somehow you have really hurt him in the past and he is truely running from you. That is hard for me to imagine given your posting here.<P>You stated you would love to know the course he is on. It seems to me he doesn't know from what you have said. If there is no OW, and he isn't doing anything differently in his job or general life, other than staying away from you, then on can speculate that he is very confused. <P>He may have done something for which he is very sorry, but doesn't know how to get back to you. I know your response will be "But I have told him I would take him back." Yes, you have but he doesn't know under what conditions. <P>He is a young man with very limited experience. I am guessing that a lot of things including the step kids overwhelmed him. He has no idea what he is doing. That is why you are not seeing a pattern.<P>I don't think he is being mean to you. I think he just doesn't know what to do. You have more experience and you have "all those people on your side", (he is the bad guy). <P>What I would suggest is that you take the initiative a bit with him. Call him and talk and see if he can learn to talk with you.<P>I sense that if you try and wait him out, nothing will happen. You will become frustrated beating back all those elgible batchelors , and you grow weary with the situation. You will move on and he won't.<P>So how is that for pure speculation??<P>Sorry I cannot do any better.<P>God Bless,<P>JL