First let me say I feel bad for feeling this way when so many of you are in alot worse shape than I am. I`m so down today. The OW broke off A last month. H has been going thru withdrawl and driving me insane. Of course I`m getting a big fat nothing from him, I know that is just the way it is right now, but I`m having a very hard time today. H is suppose to get off work tonight at 9. I called him at work to ask him about something he asked me to do for him tonight, and he informed me is working overtime. I feel he works all this overtime so he doesn`t have to be here with me. Even though the A is over he`s nit sure he wants this to work for us. What am I suppose to do about that? I know he is still here and has never left, but I can`t stand the fact that this man , who I love more than anything, can make it better for me and refuses to do that. I`m talking one way or the other, either leave or make it better. Why is that so much to ask? Our 10 yr. old son asked me tonight if I wanted him to talk to his Dad for me. How sweet is that? I of course told him I can talk to H myself. The point is H thinks this doesn`t effect S. That makes me so mad!!! I just don`t know how much longer I can continue with this. I know it hasn`t been that long since it ended, but the A started Nov.99. I`m so tired of limbo I could scream!!!!! Some days I do really well and other days I cry all day. Crying is major LB for H. It makes him feel more guilty. I say to bd for you. I`m tired of being the one to feel bad all the time. In the past he has said he thinks of leaving all the time. He has never said anything about divorce. I know I`m in a better place then alot of you and I should be thankful but today is one of those days. I`m not sure if it`s he doesn`t really want to leave or if he doesn`t have the guts to leave. Do I want him to stay if he to gutless to leave? Heck I don`t even have the answer to that one. Like everyone else I`m tired of feeling lonely and unloved. I`m going out to dinner with friends tonight alone of course god how I hate that. Just wanted to get this off my mind before going out I`ll check in later. THanks for listening or reading.

You don't mention counseling anywhere. I realize that it can be very expensive, but I would encourage you to work out a way to go....with or without your husband. The anger that you feel is legitimate, but it is really important to find healthy ways to express it. <P>Your son is obviously well aware of the problems and I would be very concerned about how he is handling things. It would probably be wise to alert his teacher that there are problems in your family...you don't have to be too specific...so that she can help keep an eye on him. At 10 he is very impressionable and he needs to have space to love his father in spite of his bad behavior. He also needs a safe place to express his anger and fear.....<P>This is very much a rollercoaster situation. I encourage you to not only seek counseling, but to try to find some peace and calm yourself. It is very difficult to make good choices when you are in emotional turmoil. In addition to counseling, I also believe with all my heart in turning to God for guidance. I know that He is the source of my miracle and that He can bring the peace you need to weather this storm...whether your marriage is healed or ends.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

HGB THank you for your reply. God is why I`m still sane at this point. If I didn`t have him in my life I don`t know where I`d be. God is also a part of my H life. We just started couseling with Steve. At least my H has agreed to that. The next time we talk we will both be talking to Steve together. I have many things to be thankful for and most days I am thankful. Today was just a bad one. This morning in bed I put my arm around my H and he put his around me. May not sound like a big deal, but it was because it hasn`t happened for a long time. That was one of the good parts of my day. I`m sure things will look better tomorrow. Thanks for listining.