Dear Lurking Husband,<BR>To Lurking Husband, <BR>We are now in the middle of a divorce,a divorce that I dont want ,but I have no control over that.<BR>We have been married for 19 years , I still have feelings for you,my love for you did not stop just because you walked out of my life.<BR>I know I was not the wife that you wanted me to be,and for this I am truly sorry.<BR> Love and prayers,Beth

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To Alone1's H,<P>Have you read? <P>Top.

To my husband too, although he doesn't lurk here ( I guess he thinks we all might bash the s out of him). You really ought to read this site, if could very well help you.<P>And as far as our 31 plus years...I still have feelings for you and my love for you didn't stop because you decided you needed someone different and better. I know I was not the wife you wanted or needed but, I have tried to make ammends and it has all been in vain. For this I am truly sorry!!!<P>CT

To weep,<BR>Thank you for sending post back to top.H used to lurk but I dont know if he still does,he used to post under my old screenname Bethn,but he was flamed pretty badly.Thanks again. Beth

To Catplay,<BR>I am sorry you are in the same boat.Beth

To All,<BR>As you know H and I are in mediation.H is living with OW and OC's,a women he met on the internet.<BR>We have not communicated much since He moved out in JUne.After mediation for temporary support we have talked more due to children.<BR>After he moved I changed the locks on door because I didnt trust him.H came in and removed other computer from house.Also I needed to set up some privacy for my self,since H saw an attorney iweek after he move out.<BR>Recently I invited H to visit sons at our house,(I was at work).I cleaned the house before he came.I asked him to look at pool timer,which I already had replaced.He looked at it,and told son how to fix it.My question now,how do I respond to H?Should I still limit contact?Should I thank him for looking at pool timer?<BR> Love and Prayers,Beth<P>

Alone1 -<P>I haven't been posting much lately, but I've been reading this thread - just to see if your H does respond. I am so sorry for the pain that you are in. I really don't know what I want to say, but I guess as a WS myself, I guess I just wanted to say how sorry I am. Sorry that you are in this mess, and that no matter what problems there may have been in your marriage prior to the A - really, you didn't deserve this. I hope and pray that in time, your H will treat you with the same love and kindness that you have shown him. For me, I think you should thank him for looking at the pool timer - its just the nice/right thing to do.<P>Just because you all don't talk that much, or see each other - don't let this experience change you into an insensitive or unthoughtful person. Don't let it change you from the good person that you are. If you feel like he did you a favor, if you appreciate it, then thank him. I know what people say about limiting contact, but I still think you need to be "nice." Because that's what you are, right? Why change the good? But, the main reason I wanted to post to you, it that I, I just admire the way you're trying to reach out to him. You love him. . .you still love him even after all of this. . .that's amazing to me. You are amazing and I mean that in the BEST possible way. I hope things get better for you - soon.

Dear SKM,<BR>Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.I am pleased to hear from a WS,it gives the betrayed spouses a different view of our situations.Do you believe in the concept of being in a "fog"?<BR>Thank you for the compliment about still loving H.There are many betrayed spouses here<BR>who have been thru hard trials in life,and I think they are all amazing!I dont know if you are religious ,but I am praying that God Bless your marriage.<BR> Love and Prayers,Beth

alone1 -<P>Yes, I am a Christian, so thanks for your prayers. I will pray for you as well.<P>Do I believe in the "fog" concept? Yeah, I think so, but it's kind of hard for me to understand or to put into words how I understand it. For me there's also different types of fog - if that makes any sense. For me, the fog can be someone feeling like they are in love with someone, that they are soulmates, but it all takes place in this "abnormal" relationahip - the affair. To me, an affair is an abnormal relationship - not only for the obvious reasons - but when you date someone, you usually expect one of two things to happen (1) you discover that you have a lot in common and you end up getting married or (1) you discover that you do not have a lot in common so you end the relationship and move on. When you have an affair, you never really get to experience the "real" relationship. <P>For me, when I went out with the OM - I never met his friends, he never met mine. I never met his family, he never met mine. I never went to places that were "nice" for fear that someone would see us there. We were always sneaking around, trying to catch a minute here or an hour there.<P>I ended the affair - not because my feelings for the OM stopped - I ended it because I couldn't take the lying and cheating anymore. Then, after awile, after the affair ended, I began to realize that things with the OM never would have worked out in "real life." Yes, my feelings for him were real, but there were so many other things. The bottom line was that I could not imagine my life without my H in it. Since we don't have any kids, if we were to divorce, there would be nothing to keep us in contact. For me, that was when I realized that I still loved my h - if only as friends, but I knew that I loved him very deeply at times.<P>So, I think there are several kinds of fog. Fog can be feeling like you've found your soulmate. Fog can be feeling like you cannot live without the OP. Fog can be seeing only the romatic side of the relationship, not the reality of it. Fog, for me, I guess is relying solely on your feelings - which can be cloudy and can change at any moment - versus relying on your feelings and your thoughts. Fog, I guess, for me, was relying too much on your feelings of the moment - or relying on your heart - too much. At some point, for me, there had to come a dose of rational thinking to help clear up the fog.<P>So, yeah, I do believe in the "fog" concept, but what that means for each situation or each person, I think, is different. I think I was in the "fog" when I thought this relationship with the OP had a "chance" of surviving. It really never did, at least in my situation. So, when I came to that realization, I guess you could say I came out of the fog.