Ok everyone Question for you. How do I let go of this and just concentrate on me? I truly have no clue how to do this. OW ended the A last month. H is still very much in withdrawl. He is still here and I guess that counts for something, but he surely is not working on us. THe good news is he has filled out the EN and LB questionaires. Of course his first need is SF the problem is he won`t let me touch him. I`m doing a good job with the other needs. He knows I want to fill his SF need as well, but he makes excuses like I`m really tired or I ate way to much I feel sick or don`t that tickles. The only time we have sex is if we have along talk and I get upset about something. It doesn`t have to be sex I get upset about either. I can`t figure that out. Should I say no to him in that situation? I always feel like I should, but I don`t really want to. He is pleasent most of the time. He prefers to never talk about any of this. I feel like he could live the rest of his life like we are right now. I will not live this way for ever and he knows this. I feel like he is very secretive about all of this. I do believe the A is over but he wants to keep his feelings to himself. I`ve told him that he can talk to me about all of his feeling including her. He says he knows this and he knows he can trust me not to freak out. There have been a few little things that are good, like the other night I rolled over and put my arm around him and he put his around me to. I don`t know if he was asleep or not but I still feel it was a positive thing. He called me on his lunch break the other night for no reason just to call. In the past if he called there was a reason, needed me to do something for him or whatever the point is it was never just to call. He says he knows none of this is fair to me and he feels he has hurt mw to much to be able to love me again. What do tou think of this? I told him Ithink that is guilt talking. He says he hurt me so much that he doesn`t see anything I say as a LB that I need to say what I need to say. Although I`m careful about what I say. The two of us will be talking to Steve next week (first time together). Can anyone tell me what that step will be? I think it will be him telling us we have to start meeting eachothers needs. I wonder how that will go over with H. I`m excited and scared at the same time. God bless all you hope you have a great day.

There is no doubt about it...<P>...talking with Steve will get you (or more appropriately) you H motivated!<P>Don't expect miracles...<BR>Be patient...<P>But... Steve <I>will</I> help move things along!<P>I'm praying for you both!<P> <P>Jim

I think you just need to be patient. You are ready to move forward and work, but it doesn't sound like he is. You can't rush the process. We all get there (if we get there at all) in our own time.<P>How do you focus on yourself? By being willing to see the blessings in every day and by doing what you can to consciously create more of them. Every day we have things that can inspire us. The dew on the morning grass is an absolutely awe inspiring thing if you let it be. The fact that your baby is breathing and was born at all is amazing. We take so much for granted. When you take the time to see what you HAVE and open your eyes to dream of what you can have, what has gone wrong doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. I know it is hard to maintain this when we are bombarded with negativity, but try. It helps me.

NSR and popeye, thanks for your words of encouragment. I do try to see the positive things in this crazy world of ours. Somedays it`s easier than others. I sure hope things start to move with us talking to Steve. I feel good that H has agreedto at least talk to Steve. He even filled out the questionaires. That was a really big deal. However I had to coax him into it. None the less he did it. He just called me yet again to say hey (hes at work) I see that as such a positive thing he hasn`t done in so long (he use to call the OW on his lunch). So all in all I guess after a month in withdrawl we are going forward.