OK, my question is is there such a thing as saying "thank you" too much? I am wondering because almost everything my husband does for me, I say thank you, but I also get the feeling that maybe I'm doing it a little too much. I'm also afraid of not saying it enough because I don't want to come off as ungrateful either. Any suggestions/ideas?<P>PS I didn't do anything wrong today. I was a very good girl, it just that I've been worried about this of awhile now.

Miaka...it kinda depends on him I'd say. How does he seem to take it? I bet he appreciates it, but if it seems to be making him uncomfortable, adjust a bit...<P>Hope all is going well--<P>Kathi

YM:<P>I used to go overboard on thank you's in an attempt to ingratiate myself. It was borne out of my feelings of inadequacy, thinking that I had to grovel in order to have people like or love me. Thankfully, I finally grew out of it and found that when I developed an "I don't give a poop" attitude, I gained the respect of others and self-respect. It didn't mean I had to become mean or *****y, it just meant that I no longer had the need to chase after anyone doing for them constantly because the more I gave, the more I was taken for granted and unappreciated. When i started making some demands of my own, it didn't turn anyone away from me, it made others interested in reciprocating, simply because I expected them to. I mean, you have to give to get; but realize that if you're giving and NOT getting, something is out of balance and time to insist that something comes back so the well doesn't run dry.<P>YM, you're asking the right question and being as young as you are, I think you have an excellent chance of turning things around for you early in the game so you aren't sitting here in twenty years wondering what you could have done to prevent your life from turning upside down.<P>While I find a great deal of pleasure in doing for my husband and others, I pace myself now so I don't cause the scales to get too far out of whack making me look like a doormat or a chump. For an example, I used to run myself ragged running errands for spouse, dropping everything for him. He came to expect it and take it for granted and finally looked at me as if I were a draft horse instead of the devastating creature I is!<P>Now when I get a "honeydew" list, I reciprocate by giving him a list of expectations to comply with while I am off taking care of details. Sometimes, I insist he come with me "for the ride" and we end up having great fun buzzing around. He ends up telling me he really enjoyed the day and glad I made him come along.<P>Also, when I do something for him, like bring him coffee, I'll just stand there waiting for the acknowledgement. He'll look up and say, "Why thank you, Lambchop" or something equally silly. Keeping the scales balnced. <P>It's so important to be polite to one another...it must go both ways.<P>Catnip =^^=

My wife said thank you way too much. i think it depends on what you're thanking him for. If he brings his plate over to the sink and rinses it an puts it in the dishwasher, that doesn't require a thank you, at least it didn't for me, but I'm a domestic sort.<P>I guess if you thank him for everything that is above and beyond what he normally would do and maybe 25% of the things that he does anyway without being asked, that wouldn't annoy me too much.<P>Jay

<B>kam6318:</B><P>Hi there and thank you for your response. As for your question, he seems to take it alright, but I'm worried that he might think I'm ungrateful. He told me awhile back that he felt I was ungrateful. Since then, I don't ask him to do very much and usually if I do, I offer to help or do something else that will match what he's doing. If he does something like getting me a glass of water, I say thank you. If he opens the door for me, I say thank you. Is that still too much? Thanks for your advice.<P><B>catnip:</B><P>Hi catnip, we meet again. Thank you for your response also. I understand what you're saying about inadequacy. I used to be really bad when I left my mom's house to move in with my husband-then-boyfriend. It was horrible. I would refuse everybody's help, including my husband, because I didn't want to be indebted to him in any way. I also had a real hard time talking too. I was the poster child for extreme shyness. I didn't talk to people I didn't know and I hated meeting new people too. I have changed, but I still don't like meeting new people. I don't hold very long conversations beyond "hi" either. It's weird.<P>I was afraid this question was going to come off as being a dumb question that I should've known the answer to, but I'm glad it wasn't.<P>I used to do a lot for my husband also. I used to cook, clean, and watch my son while he did nothing. I ended up resenting him something awful and I got a job. I've been working ever since. I also feel that since I have a job too that both of us should be doing everything for our family (cooking, cleaning, watching my son, money, etc.) and not just one person doing everything. So, if he dropped his clothes or shoes in our room in the middle of the floor, then, I used to pick them up and complain about it. Now, I just step over them and go about my business. I do help my husband, don't get me wrong, but I'm just not going to do the things his mother used to/still does for him.<P>I will try harder using what you said, though. I'm sure there's something that I'm not doing that could be done that's probably pissing him off.<P>Thanks, catnip, for you advice.<P><B>catamount82:</B><P>Hi. As far as the things that I thank him for, it's usually the things I complain about that I thank him for. For instance, if he leaves the toilet seat down instead of up all the time, I tell him thanks. If he brings me a glass of water, I tell him thanks. I don't say thanks if he hands me a piece of paper. I don't say thanks if he picks lint up off the floor. Do you still think that's too much? Thanks for your advice.<P>Thanks everyone. You guys are helping me to learn. And yes, catnip, you're right. I'm not set in my ways and that's what's good. I don't ever want to be set in my ways. I don't like doing the same thing over and over either. You guys are helping me to find new ways of doing things that I've done the same old thing with. And for that I thank you.<P>Miaka<P>