H just moved back home 14 days ago....tostart new chapter in life...when i said i could forgive and love i also said there will be many struggles and risk and consequences with reconciliation...that doesnt mean i havnt forgave does it...he says that his clothes now hang back at home...oh did i mention he moved fout because i packed his things after a week of him chosing to stop by b ars and drink instead of coming straight home from work and even a few of those nights he never came home at all and ater he had been goneone day for over 24 hours he returned home sober..in a very eremorseful way.. gullible that i am i was thankful he came home... only to discover the next day markings on his body ( 4 huge carpet burns on his knees) (that should rip the most sensitive heart)and they could not be denied even though he did lie about how they got there ( saying he was wrestling with a buddies sons) (while his own son age 10 sat at home waiting on dad to come home that night) he couldnt look me in the eye and when i did insist that he look me in the eye andpromise to me you have not been with another woman sexually...and he said i can not do that... well his bags got packed ofcourse after some rantings... my first question was who..laffs and he said i dont even know hername i was drunk at a party...which later turned out to be a lie also, before he left the house two days later he had admitted it was with a mutual friend of ours ... he left the house after said he made arrangements to move in with a guy friend of his .....which turnedout to be a lie also.... and he had moved directly out of the house( infact he did that while i was at work saying he would be back that night after i got off work to have a sit down discussion with son) ( he never did) i had to be alone when i told son dad moved out....we never seen him again for 4 days although he would call each morning and say he would come by and spend time with son and have a talk ... he never ever showed up.... i found out why....when he left our home ...he went straight to the home of the OW......i confronted him with this info mation a week later....and he saidi didnt have no where else to go....so sad...and he loved his family and me more than life itself..and he knew his drinking had caused alot of the problem..he had messed up real bad but he still loved us....oh boy ?? tell the brain to figure that one out<BR>him having sex with ow .. him moving in with other woman...and he loves us??? he did move back home 2 days later...i called him to the home... it was fact day time to face facts and time to be man enough to be apart of the discussion to tell son the truth....and stop allowing him to liveon false hopes that dadwas coming home and time for dad to be honest about where he was living or at least give son something concrete to hold on to like set days to visit and just no more lies please..... just time for closure and survival... instead of telling son the truth about what had been happening in the family<BR>he tells son he lovesus and wants to come home to be a better dad and husband... before i could say anything son was in his lap all hugging and thanking dad for coming home... omgosh.....i pulled him to the side..i said what are you doing.....he said i cant tell him the truth it is so horrible...and you said to behonest... well thisis the truth i want to come home and be better ..without the drinking and bad choices....<BR>well anyway<BR>hehas been home 14 days ...he took a new job..and in the last 9 days i have seen him for a total of 12 hours... he is driving truck long distance...he has been in 3 times..once for 30 min<BR>once for 3 hours<BR>and the other for 8 hours<BR>of which 6 he slept<BR>when i tried to express my feelings before he left for his job he said look . my clothes arenow here andi am going to work hard for the bill money and i am not drinking ...what more do you want.<BR>what more do i want?????????/<BR>i am not the demanding type<BR>andthis man was the center of my world for 22 years..... weill be celebrating 20 yrs marriage in 8 weeks.. oh boy! <BR>he has ben the controlling one and still is it appears.... what more do i want??? yes .... what shouldi expect out of him now...?<BR>what guidelines do i place down ?<BR>i nolonger want to tolerate being disrespected or abused emotionally<BR>but he just aint the affectionate type... i am the initiator.... it sure would benice to be held without first asking to be held... and kissed with a tad of passion instead of peckson the cheek... he had all that....where did it go..... in a bottleof alcohol?<BR>the OW was not jsut a one night stand.. apparently it had been brewing up for a while...he tried to confort me by sayingif it is any consolation..... i only could get it upfor her 3 times...omgosh..... he said the rest of the times he was too stressed to complete the act..omgosh...<BR>now that he is home... the subject is supposed to be in the past and a new chapter is to begin ...he said he refuses to talk bout the events of the past....it will be better he says .... just focus on our lives now ...<BR>should that be enough?<BR>what more shouldi expect???<BR>yalli am fighting internal combustion here..<BR>i am 38 and he is 39<BR>willi be insane by age 40? lol<BR>

I don't have answers for all the questions you pose. Sounds like there is a lot to work on, both for you & him & as a couple. I know you are in a lot of pain, but at this point all you should be doing is focusing on yourself and doing Plan A. Please don't bring your child into this! Protect him from whatever is happening. He doens't need too much truth on exactly what is happening. that is adult suff. please let him be a child.<P>Are you reading any of the Harley books or any other material? At this point, it may actually be enough to have your H at home and him not drinking. That is a big step and lot's of folks would love to just make it that far. Please be patient. Don't try to press for all the answers yet. He most likely really doesn't have any. Most men really don't know exactly why they have done what they have done. It isn't a well thought out plan, more of a crime of opportunity. <P>Try to read about the Plan A stuff. And yes, it is enough to just focus on your life now. All the other stuff (detail about why & what he did) is just Love Buster stuff. Maybe later it can be useful to know so you can see what went wrong with your relationship, but not know. Maybe some others will post & add to this. <P>Take care... Carolyn