As you all know I created this boundry with my H that if he could not help sleeping with the OW or planning a rendevous, then he had to move out. He was hurting me to much daily to see the same look of indifference.<P>But this weekend the boundry is to be tested. He is going to a Bus. show andOW is sure to be there. He needs a plan and he has to tell me what it is. If hge knows if she will be there, he has to make plans to move out, we all know if they see each other that they will take it lying down, so to speak. How can he help the addiction? No fighting against it. NOt in person. <P>What do I do if he really must move out? I have to keep the boundry. I am sooooo scared. My whole life may change come Weds when he returns! Pray everyone!<P>B.

Hi Burned,<P>I know you are scared that he may see the OW and then move out. I guess since you know she is going to be there. What must he do? Can you go with him so that he can work and you feel safe? Does he have to go to the business show for work?<P>Maybe if I had some more information that would be helpful. I do know this much I created and am still creating boundries for Tony. He use to throw awful tempter tamtrums. He would break stuff all the time. I would end up cleaning up the mess. <P>One night I had reached the end. He trashed the Kitchen and dinning room and then part of the hallway leading upstairs. I told him you made the mess you can pick it up. And what ever you broke you can buy a new one for me. Everytime he would act like a two year old I would walk away and let him know he was acting like a child and could talk to me when he grew up. <P>He no longer throws things at my house. This behavior has not stopped at his parents. He just broke one of our cell phones on his mother's car while she left him there yelling and being a jerk. He mentions all the time that we need to purchase a new cell phone. I keep correcting him that he has to purchase a new cell phone. I inform him he was stupid enough to throw it he has to pay for a new one. I also made him call the cell phone company and cancel the phone. <P>So setting boundries does not hurt you. They have to be done. You can not be walked over all the time and they need to learn acceptable behavior.

The show is the biggest of the year. He is the head of it. He must go. On the other hand She may not go because her sister is expecting any day... there is always a reason. I hate him knowing so much about the life of someone I do not even know!<P>I suggested to him in fron of the therapist that he be HONEST with HER and tell her the situation. Particularly if he is not ready to move out, which he does not seem to be. Maybe then she would choose to stay with her sister. <P>Yes it would let H off the hook, decision-wise, but I am not sure I am ready to face the boundry either! But if he is to sleep with her, he must. I will not be devalued in the arms of another Woman! No, it will not happen again while we are pretending to be a family! And sleeping in the same bed. It hurts to know he is being loved and showing love, but not to me!<BR>It is not acceptable! He spits on me just to be calling her every day!(Figuratively speaking) <P>Yea my site did not lose my letter this time when it expired! <P>But this show is the test. It was their big love nest last year, and will be again if she goes. He must tell her what is going on here. He does not tell her a lot of what goes on between US. Two worlds, you know.<P>Pray some more! Pray he has the strength to tell her the truth, and that she has the sense to stay home!<P>Of course if her company sends her, there is nothing I can do! Neither can they. And the boundry stands.....<P>This is a very scary crossroad, I really need some advice or some stories to help me past this. My mom is coming out, so she will be here, but of course she does not know the true cause of our probs. It will probably add to it. But I don't care, I want to see mom, I have not in 4 months, or talked to her in 2 because she was away.<BR>

Hi Burned,<P>How will you know if she does go? I know how it is to see your Mom. I have not seen my Mom since July. I miss her loads. Expecially since Tony gets to see his family all the time. But if you want your marriage why not go with your H. IT would send a loud message to the OW that the two of you are together and working on the marriage.<P>But if you do not go and he and the OW get together you have to have your H leave. You gave him your boundries and you have to stick to it. So than it would be a good thing that your Mom is there. But again how will you know. HE could lie to you.

Hey Beth,<P>Hang in there honey. You can't control what he does and it SUCKS!!!<P>I'll call you tonight. Tell your mom what's going on. It's amazing the relief you'll find in mom's words.<P>Mine simply told me that I'd been a good wife and mother. Those words comforted me beyond explanation. To know, that in my mothers eyes that I was good...I don't know why, but it really validated me.<P>I"m at work...gotta go. Looking forward to Sunday. I'll call ya.<P>allison