Hi, your wisdom is needed under the thread "hate myself"

Thanks for thinking about me. Actually I am more reasoned about some people/situations than others. I just read your post and now Lor's and you guys are doing just fine.<P>I'm not tooo sharp today anyway...bad cough and headache.<P>But how are YOU? In what ways are you making progress? Any slip ups or new problems?<p>[This message has been edited by FaithHopeLove (edited November 09, 2000).]

Sorry your not feeling well...cold? Flu? Presidential election?<P>Me??? I am doing great! My wife and I have been "dating" on the weekends. The kids are old enough to leave them alone so we decided to find "us" again...its been great. We have learned ALOT thru all this. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. Not that this has not come about without an enormous amout of work on both our parts, and we know that our relationship will always need to be a priority. My mind will "drift" a little sometimes to my not so distant past, when it does I just give myself a little adjustment...the "drifting" has been getting less frequent, I guess it is all part of the recovery road. My path is clear, just a bump here and there. Things with my wife and I are better than they have been in a long, long time...we joke and bust each others butt like we used to, we have fun going out, as a matter of fact, in the past we wanted to always go out with another couple or two for company...well that has come 180 degrees, we would rather go out just her and I than with others! Thanks to God, people here and my Faith,Hope & Love <P>Hope ya feel better

The cough pretty much just appeared. I actually feel OK. I think the headache is from the election.<P>I admit to staying up most of the night Tuesday...I couldn't tear myself away when things got interesting. No one could have written a movie plot with more suspense.<P>I am so encouraged by your report. Somehow when you first posted I could tell you needed to tweek your thinking. Just know that you have to keep with the program, even on days that you don't feel like it in the days, weeks and months ahead!<P>I don't know how much your wife knows and I can't remember your time span of her knowledge. I am coming up to the two year mark that my H met OW. I still have my triggers, although I can usually recognize them and not react to them. But last week was particularly difficult for me. My bible class kept using adultery as an example, my friend mentioned how she couldn't imagine anyone dealing with infidelity (no one knows) and my H was late on night, although he truly tried to call and he wasn't doing anything suspicious. Anyway, I really had to fight acting bummed or irked in general. And I am my own thought police.<P>My point is your wife may have bad days and she may not mention your affair, but you might sense negative vibes for no apparent reason. I urge you on those days to try even harder. I never "say" anything to my H anymore, because dredging up all the ugliness is not fair and does not help, but I feel it and fight it from time to time. Given a few days, my mood usually turns itself around.<P>Just knowing this could help keep you two from sliding into a downward spiral.<P>I really really am happy to hear your progress. You should be very proud of yourself!

Thanks for the heads up. I know she deals with those same thoughts and emotions about the the OW from time to time. I can only hope time will help...but its been 2 years for you?...I assume you guys are doing good?<BR>I dont think it will ever go away totally for the betrayer or the betrayed.<P>I know what you mean about being your own thought police, I do it all the time, <BR>sometimes easier than others.<P>NO ONE KNOWS?? that must be kinda hard. You didnt even confide in a close friend? I mean I only have a few people that I can call true<BR>friends, I told one of them, it was nice to have someone outside for support and just an ear. Does that Bible class help? Do you enjot it? what do you get out of it?<P>Well, thanks again for the advice, I will heed it, anything that will help us I'll take. If ya think of anything else I'm all ears.

No, no one knows. Actually that is not quite true. One of my friends, who I had not had much interaction with for a while, found out through her sister in a quirky way that my H had been seen with another woman and told my friend. I don't think this was widely known and I believe it was actually divine intervention that this friend came to know this and asked me. Her H was involved with an affair too, and her H had only broken contact weeks before. This friend really doesn't know anyone else that I know. We leaned on each other. Other than that, no one that I know of knows.<P>His parents even asked me what was up because my H was acting so weird the month after D-day. I knew but I didn't tell them. It would have hurt them. I also didn't want ANY chance my kids would find out. I didn't want my H to lose their respect or anyone's respect for that matter.<P>Actually I never talked ill of my H to anyone anytime in my marriage. I saw it as disloyal.<P>My bible class is a once a month class on burden bearing. I do have to say that my faith is what carried me through this mess.<P>

I hear ya on Faith carrying you thru this, I think I would have lost it without it.<P>Well, FHL, you are a wonderful gifted person. I certainly hope your H knows what he has in you, if not get him to read some of your stuff here and let him "see" how many you have helped. Thanks again, God Bless, I'll see ya around.