I'm now in hour 12 of no contact with OM. While most of you will scoff at that (geez - she's counting HOURS??), it's been pretty rough. Ever since I moved out, OM and I talked a lot... going for an hour or two without a phone call or email was almost unheard of. <P>H and I are still in Plan B, although we both pretty much suck at it. I wouldn't say we're "on the right track", because I need to dig deep into myself & make sure I'm doing the right things for the right reasons, and H is not sure he wants to work things out.<P>We have talked about the possibility, though. The love is still there, and despite all we have been through, the fact remains that we are husband and wife.<P>H knows I have cut off contact with OM, and since we (H & I) are having no contact as well, I guess the bottom line is we're all taking a break from each other. I need to use this time to focus on myself - to get back my self-esteem and self-respect. How can I expect or ask H to forgive me if I can't forgive myself? And H needs to take some time to decide if he'd be willing to jump back in for the long, hard journey. Now he can do that without sitting at home seething, knowing I'm on the phone with OM.<P>I guess this isn't really a major revalation and like I told H, I'm not looking for a gold star for doing a good deed. This may just be another twist & turn in the roller coaster we're all experiencing here. <P>It is, I feel, a step in the right direction, though. I'm so, so tired of all of this. <P>I want to smile again.<BR>lost_in_love<P>[This message has been edited by lost_in_love (edited November 09, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by lost_in_love (edited November 09, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Lost in Love}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You're doing great! Hang in there...<P>Kathi

you will smile again<BR>and you are doing the right thing - don't ever doubt it & don't break the no contact rule

Keep up the good work. You can do this and it will get easier as the days move along.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

NO CONTACT!!! Stay with it! Withdrawl will be the hardest battle you will fight in your life, but in the end it will be worth it. I was where you are and today my marriage is better than ever.

LIL -<P>You DO deserve a gold star!!!!!! Tweleve Hours is a HUGE accomplishment for you, be proud of yourself. Just take it one hour at a time, until you get to 24 hours. . . .Then, treat yourself to something good - I prefer chocolate, but pick whatever makes you feel good. Then once you go one day, shoot for two. . .then three, then four - all the way to one week. When you get to one week, buy yourself a new top, a new shade of lipstick, whatever makes you feel special.<P>Don't be afraid to count the hours, each hour you make it without contact is an accomplishment - so you've already reached tweleve little goals. . .Just hang in there. . .Whenever you get the urge to contact the OM, EMAIL ME!!!! I know you have the address, right? Whenever you start to get the urge to contact the OM - go out for a walk, go buy a soda, do anything to get yourself away from phones, computers, whatever medium you use to contact the OM - just avoid them.<P>So, I have to ask this one final question, did you send the no contact letter to the OM? I think no contact is good, and you're doing great, but you want to make sure that the OM doesn't contact you either. For this first week, don't answer your phone - let the answering machine get it - so you can screen your calls. You can do this, but avoid any temptation to talk to the OM - just take it a day at a time. Right now, you're only goal should be to make it one week. I know the weekend will be tough, but you can do it.<P>I know you don't have a computer at home - but go to a library if you get desperate and email me!!!! Vent here. . .Talk to your girlfriends. Just try to go for one week, okay? You can do this, I am so proud of you right now. You made the decision - the toughest part - it does get easier, even though it doesn't seem like it now. <P>Hang in there girlfriend!!!! I'm here for you. I am so, so proud of you!! You're tough, you're going to make it through this mess. If SmallSteps is lurking, I know that he is proud of you for taking this step. You need to get yourself strong, and to some degree prove to him that this time you mean business, no contact with the OM!!<P>About forgiving yourself. . .For me, even now, I don't know if I have truly forgiven myself. I think that will be the final hurdle I have to overcome. For you, you just need to get through this no contact thing. It definitely makes it harder the your H isn't there to support you right now. But, you can still do this, and show him that you truly are trying.<P>Have faith in yourself. . .You have control over your life, just focus on that which is right - even if right now you're not really sure what that is. . .Take care of yourself. And you better let me know about the no contact letter. . .or conversation - whatever happened to end contact with the OM. . .<P> Smile, because you have done something good, something that was right, be proud of yourself. I am so proud of you It may seem like a small step right now, but the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step forward, and that's what you've taken, regardless of what happens. . .be proud of that!! Here comes my biggest cyber hug<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SKM:<BR><B>You DO deserve a gold star!!!!!! Tweleve Hours is a HUGE accomplishment for you, be proud of yourself. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hee hee - wow SKM, if I ever need a cheering section, I know who to call first. <P>I just got back from my daily lunchtime walk with a girlfriend..... which usually ends up being 2 miles of b****** and moaning about men and relationships. What a pick-me-up to come back and read your post. <P>Still no contact to or from the OM. It's almost impossible, but I'm doing it. I decided not to send a letter, at least at this point. If SS4N and I decide to make a go of it, then I will write one & let him send it. But for right now, this "no contact" decision was made for me. I called him last night and talked to him about it. It meant more to me to do it that way, and to know I had the guts to do it that way. (I tend to avoid confrontation at all costs, usually) <P>OM is upset, confused, hurt, etc... but he also first and foremost cares about me. I know he will not contact me. I recently got caller ID at home, though, so just in case he does... <P>I'm not sure where this road will take me, but I do know I had to do this for myself. Not because I want my marriage back (which I have told SS4N I do), but because <B>I</B> need the time to figure out my complicated, battered, bruised heart. <P>Like I told OM, I can't be a worthy partner in ANY relationship in the emotional state I've been in. I need to stand on my own two feet before I can rely on anyone again. It's kind of like not using a broken piece of lumber to build a house.... the wood can't stand on its own, so how can it be a supportive part of the house? <P>I guess that sounds kind of dumb, but I think you know what I mean. <P>I think I have just reached the point where I need to come to terms with everything - and I can't do that while concentrating on OM or by focusing on how much I've hurt SS4N. And maybe my time away from OM will allow SS4N to think clearly about what he wants or would be willing (or unwilling) to do.<P>I know my sun will shine again.... it's just riding out the storm that's the hard part!<P>Thanks for all of your support, SKM. It means more than you know.<P>lost_in_love<p>[This message has been edited by lost_in_love (edited November 09, 2000).]

Ooops - double post. <p>[This message has been edited by lost_in_love (edited November 09, 2000).]