Hello All<P>I am currently in a similar situation to Rick37 and WAT and read with interest their posts below and their need to analyse every little interaction with their WS.<P>I am in exactly the same situation and am looking for any positive meaning in anything my W says.<P>We separated 9 weeks ago and W initially stayed with friends. 2 weeks ago I informed OM's W of the A which naturally(!) made me the Devil Incarnate in my W's eyes. In the last 2 weeks, my W has hardly spoken to me when she has visited the kids.<P>Last week she found herself a house to rent and last night stated that she wanted the kids to stay with her occasionally. I don't have a problem with this as long as it is not too often (at most 50%) and as long as OM is not there (although I haven't told her this as it will be a LB)<P>Anyway, before she left last night, she said that she was going into town to do some early Christmas shopping. She then asked me if I needed anything, for example Christmas Presents for my parents.<BR>Although this is not a huge sign of anything significant it did seem strange to me that she should offer to do this - could this mean that she still perceives a "connection" with me? (aside from the kids of course?)<P>I thanked her for asking but said that I hadn't even thought of what to get for my parents. I am now kicking myself for not letting her choose something.<P>Really I suppose that is the point of my question, should I seize any chances like this and let her do things "for me" if she offers. Or should I come across as being strong and independent in line with Plan A/B ideas of "working on improving yourself"<P>Strange question I know, and I also know like Rick and WAT that I probably shouldn't read too much into the comments of a WS.<P>Any suggestions would be welcome.<P>Thanks<P><BR>HarryHat<BR>

HarryHat,<P>You, worthatry, and I are in such similar situations. I think there is no harm in saying "thanks, sure you can pick something up for my parents". It is the same sort of thing that the three of us are seeing. Various signs of friendship or whatever. May be friendship in their minds, but time could make it more, after the fog has cleared.<P>Your wife is wanting the same as mine now. And like you, 50% is what it can be. We've agreed on that for quite some time anyway, but I like the 100% with me option better of course, and was hoping that could last for awhile.<P>Have you gotten any advice on what to tell the children?<P>You can always tell her that you wouldn't mind if she picked something up, or just leave it as it is.<P>My situation will continue to be crazy. Gave her a back rub this morning at her request. She seems to like that aspect of things, but nevertheless the fog encircles her.<P>Keep us posted on your situation and good luck.

Harry Hat-<BR>I too am in a very similiar situation, thought it was my H that is a WS and moved out. I too drive myself crazy analyzing every thing he says or soes looking for any positive sign.<P>If it's not too late to call her about the Christmas shopping, I think I would call her and tell her it was very thoughtful of her to offer and some other appreciative remark about how she always picks out just the right gifts or how much you appreciate all she does for the family at Christmas or something. One of her reasons for leaving was that she felt unappreciated- right? I know I would love some appreciative remarks form my H about all that I do around Christmas for everyone- that usually goes unnoticed.<P>It's hard to tell what she has in mind, but I think if she offers, take her up on it. You can strong and independent by not asking her to do things, but go for it she offers.

I don't think it would be a LB to tell her that the kids should not be there if the OM is going to be there. It all depends on how you say it. I am sure you could find a non LB way to say it. Do you think she would do that anyway? I think when it comes to the kids you have to do what's best, even if it is construed as an LB.<P>When I first found out I made it perfectly clear that she was never to be with my children again. He took me seriously and I think he understood.<P>cleo

cleopatra,<P>What would you do if you said it was never to happen again, and it did. In my case, I said that, but my wife pretends that they are only friends, so why would it be a problem for a friend to be around them. It has only happened a few times, but I don't think that I can legally prevent her from having anyone around them, unless there is a danger. Any thoughts?