Allison,<P>I've been away from the boards for about a couple of weeks now and just came in to see how everyone was doing. I'm so sorry to read how things are turning out, but still you are an amazingly strong woman in my eyes. Things are not looking well for me either, sigh.<P>I don't have anything to say that will make you feel any better, only know that you are in my thoughts and prayers that you will come out of this okay. Only those of us on this board truly understand what you are going through, so please lean on us during this time.<P>Take care and blessings, Many Tears

Allison,<BR>I'm so sorry.<P>When I gave up on my marriage, I was surprised by how much that hurt. Although finally making a decision, and not waiting on my H was a relief.<P>We have come back from that point, but quite honestly, once somebody has put in a year, 2 years or more with a WS, I don't see how anyone can blame them for saying "enough", even if, like in my case, I changed my mind and did try again and it is working--but only because my H is working with me. I'm a completely different person than I was 3 years ago, and from 2 years, and from last year. I feel I was stronger last year.<P>Be smart. Take care of yourself and your kids. And, if you don't already have a good counselor, now would be a good time. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

{{{{{{{{{Allison}}}}}}}}}}<P>So many of your posts sounded like things were looking up. You've tried very hard to fix your marriage all by yourself. If he wants something different, there's not much you can do about it. <P>If it's any help, I'll share some words that my dear departed MIL said to me in the one visit we had alone together. I had never known that my H's dad had been quite a philanderer. It was a problem throughout their marriage. After the kids (my H and two younger brothers) were grown, she got marriage counselling. Her biggest concern was being alone. The counsellor's response? "you're already alone" <P>Allison, I know this is scary for you. But in reading your posts, I can see that you are already raising those kids without your H being around. Give yourself more credit! You're going to survive even if your marriage doesn't. You're a good, caring, honorable person, and I'm glad to know you even if it is just cyberspace. <BR>-------<BR>ps, I forgot to mention that my MIL divorced her first husband after 27 years of marriage.<p>[This message has been edited by lonesome heart (edited November 13, 2000).]

Dear az allison,<BR>I don't know what to say other then asking you to be strong, not for him, but for your kids and yourself. Even though your marriage might fall apart, but you yourself will be OK. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.<P>OOOO

Allison, I hope you are OK. I know exactly how you feel. It is like you are being drug along a fast moving car...holding on by one hand with your kids hanging on to your feet.<P>When you can let go of the car...you are on your way to healing the scrapes and bruises. It is not easy. We want so much to fix them. But, it is their responsibility. He will figure that out once you let go. You do have to do it in your head first... Your heart will follow. Just have to act as if... Distance yourself and take care you you and the kids.<P>I did some yelling about my h in front of the kids... I was still so emotionally involved and confused by the really bizaar behavior. I didn't believe a man this smart could act this stupid. It becomes physically draining to believe in someone who cannot believe in himself.<P>But I still have faith. I just know I am not the one who can change things. <P>I try to view it all in the third person. It has made for more pleasant, friendly visits with him... and even conversation!!! NO relationship stuff...but I really don't care. What was...is gone. It could only be new if it will ever be.<P>I'm so sorry for your kids. I know what mine have all gone through. but you know my eldest gave me the greatest compliment. She told me my talent was patience...and that when things were tough, or hard, I knew just what to do. <P>I remind myself what a good friend told me. We don't know what God has in store for your children. It could be that in seeing your faith and strength during this struggle it will prepare them for something in their future. Those words have kept me going.<P>Just know we are all there for you. TT