Married for ten years,and over the last year I cant shake this feeling that he no longer wants me,I also have a feeling that there is someone else:however,he says there isnt,but his actions speak louder than his words.I really dont know what to do.<P>------------------<BR><p>[This message has been edited by nik (edited November 14, 2000).]

Dear Nik,<P>First of all, thank you for posting to me on my thread. It helped a lot to know that there are people out there that care.<P>Nik, I'd love to say that you have nothing to worry about...believe me. And, I'm feeling pretty jaded right now...but you have to listen to those gut feelings.<P>I don't know how you can make him fess up if there is something going on...it's pretty damn hard to do until he's ready. A lot of us found out by snooping, God I hate that word, they always leave some sort of paper trail hon...cell phone bills...ect, but the thing about this is you have to be ready for what you find.<P>The worst part of this for me was being lied to...knowing in my gut something was terribly wrong and being treated like a crazy lady. I confronted my husband with enough evidence to nail him one night when he'd had a lot to drink. He had no way out of it. I told him that this was the moment he was going to tell me everything. Thank God he started being truthful at that point. Now, he didn't fall madly back in love with me...didn't tell me he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to me...but at least I was now dealing with truth instead of lie upon lie.<P>Nik, have you tried to tell him that you feel something is terribly wrong? I'm sure you have...it falls on deaf ears most of the time. If indeed he is doing things that he should not be doing, he will want you to never know. (And I pray to God Nik that he's not).<P>I wish I could give you something more concrete to do here. You've probably been doing a lot of reading here prior to posting and have a pretty good idea of what this is all about. Though things don't work out for all of us here...knowing about MB has made me a much stronger person, and coming here and reading others stories has prepared me for what might happen...which is so important.<P>I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now. Pre-discovery was the worst time for me. The confusion is terrible and it's easy to become obsessive. I did go on anti-depressants and that really helps get us through this.<P>Keep posting Nik, tell us what you can about your feelings and suspicions. There are a lot of folks here with a lot of experience that can help lead you to the right decisions.<P>Read, post, vent...we'll help you. At the very least this web site has been a life saver because there are so many of us here with such weirdly similar stories. I have a lot of good friends, but they don't know what it FEELS like to go through this. The people here truly do.<P>Take care Nik. You've done a good thing by finding MB.<P>allison

Well, you could just be paranoid - a genuine nut. As I am. (Just ask my H.) Or, you could be tapping in to your women's intuition. <P>Like AZ Allison said, they leave a paper trail. Even the smartest ones. You can become a tracker or a snooper, whatever you want to call yourself. But if you're suspicious, do your own independent investigation. Don't depend on him for the truth. <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Welcome <B>name</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do check out my links in <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/mb_nsr/MB_NPT.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A>...<BR>especially... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Hey, women's intuition isn't limited to women. Like a lot of other people who have posted here, I've had experiences where I just felt something was wrong. And <B>every single time</B> it turned out that I was right. The only explanation I know of, since I can't claim to have "women's intuition", is divine inspiration.<P>Nik, if your gut is telling you something, listen. Be very careful about making accusations without proof, but listen.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited November 14, 2000).]

Nik,<P>As someone who couldn't shake the feeling either that something was going on I know what you may be going through. <P>For my wife, she told me just that she had feelings for this OM and that nothing had happened, even that she never told him about her feelings. But in my gut I couldn't shake the feeling that there was much more. <P>Things were getting better in our marriage but I kept feeling that she was hiding something.<P>I did find out the truth that she did sleep with him and my wife almost left me because of how I found out. But I would do it again if that's what it took to find out the truth because that feeling was tearing me apart inside.<P>What indications do you have to think that something is going on? You mention actions ... what are they? Are there other things that could be causing you to feel this way about him? By that I mean stress at work, with family members, etc. <P>In my opinion, as you understand, you are in a delicate place. If you push him to much and he isn't doing anything, he may either do it for spite or start thinking that you are having an affair.<P>But then if you don't and something is going on, you have the right to know.