ok....here's the rundown....<P>things still chaotic, but Deut and I are 'basically' ok for right now....status quo....breathing....ok...<P>now:<P>Dylan works part time at a local motel...last wednesday, with no babysitter in sight, she is forced to bring wonder boy and he at one point runs off...approaching a couple who has checked in and is entering their chalet....young one engages hugging couple in a few seconds worth of conversation ....until 'freaking-out' mom appears, apologizing to couple for the intrusion...<P>now it is sunday.....Dylan is cleaning a room when an obviously distraught woman appears at the door...<P>she would like to check out, and pay her husband's bill if it is not already paid...<P>Dylan explains she is only housekeeping, and has never checked someone out, and as the owners went shopping, she is not secure in her authority, and asks almost hysterical woman if she can possibly wait for the return of the owners...<P>woman starts crying....really crying....starts speaking incoherently...Dylan at this point is starting to wonder about the alcohol level in this person, or perhaps the need for psycho-active drugs or something...ish...<P>woman takes a deep breath and starts talking about how in 25 years of marriage, you hav to expect some bumps...but that she wanted to come and get her husband, that she needed to call her children so they could come help get their father....he must obviously be having a mid-life crisis...he didn't come home one night, so the next, she threw him out...he got a motel room...she freaked and came to get him....<P>he told her "I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE AND I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE MARRIED ANYMORE"<P>does this sound familiar to ANYONE at this sight???...nah, probably not....<P>at this point, I started getting goosebumps the size of Everest, and in front of my eyes, a total stranger come apart....she was smoking, and she had the shakes....you know what I mean...not just the shakes...THE shakes...I recognized those shakes....<P>I looked more closely at the crumbling woman in front of me...recognizing to the very core of my soul, her pain at this moment ....she couldn't control her crying...I ended up hugging this woman...holding her up...it took every fibre of my being to not be reduced to a .......emotional mess....for lack of a better description.......<P>I brought her into the office, and looked up in the register to see if her H had paid in advance.....we couldn't decipher the owners notes, so she left her credit card number...bla, blah...she started crying again, and I asked outright if there was someone else...<P>she said she had found 'some things' in his car, but that everything had been explained away....apparently to her satisfaction....<P>I felt like vomiting......on the spot.....I gave her this sites address and pushed it as much as I could...telling her how it and all of you have literally saved my life, soul and sanity many times...she hugged me, said she would pray for me, but that there was no one else involved, he was having a midlife crisis, and somehow she would change all her annoying haits, she would change, and then he would be happy, and he would stay.....she left the office, returning to the room where her H was sleeping....and that was pretty much it.<P>she went in and spoke to my boss upon her return, but my boss was cold and unsympathetic to the extreme...whatever....<P>later, my boss told me that earlier the day before, a young blonde thing had come in and asked how the phones worked....she was asked who she was, hat chalet she was in, and she shook her hand, introduced herself as #### and said she was a 'visitor' to chalet ##.....<P>people, she is the blond half of the couple that my son ran up to on wednesday...the hugging couple I apologized to!!!!....she checked in with this woman's husband....I caught this distraught woman's H with the OW...and this wife is in denial that there is someone else and is blaming herself...and I see her teetering on the edge of that madness....you all know the one I mean....<P>I know the H and the wife's names...<P>what do I do?????<P>she really does not believe there is any one else and that it's all her fault somehow...<P>I know for fact that there is someone else...<P>I don't know....<P>I walked home and broke down in my room....I just felt everything she conveyed for a moment...I couldn't stop the shakes...I felt so much for her...........<P>yikes.......<P>do I do nothing??<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

If the roles were reversed, would you want her to do the same for you? However you answer that is the answer that you need.

If it were I, I would want to be told.<P>I went through a slightly similar situation, except that I told our counselor that I suspected there was an OW, and my H had admitted to her that there was. The counselor kept quiet about the OW, continued to "counsel" us while allowing him to keep it hidden, let him continue to sit there and blame and berate me, for 4 or 5 sessions, let him sit there and tell me that he was planning suicide rather than have to wake up beside me for the rest of my life. When I told my counselor that he had said that, the counselor said that was a terribly cruel thing to say - but our joint counselor cared nothing about how it made me feel, only told my H that he must have been hurting badly. To not tell the woman, to let her continue believing it is all her fault, that she must be doing something wrong, is cruel.

Dylan,<BR>You have every reason to think you know what you saw. You have your immediate past, and well, nobody likes to see someone else's H hugging a blonde. I don't like the sound of the pieces of this puzzle. And if this was a friend, I'd go a different way on this, but with this situation you don't *know*.<P>These people are strangers and you have no idea who he was hugging or what kind of visitor she was.<P>Cousin, sister, young aunt, niece (uh huh), somebody he trusted to talk to because he is flipping out of his mind. The wife did know where he was...when my H ran off for a weekend I sure as heck didn't know where he was. And if by some weird thing someone from that B & B had called me to tell me he was with some blonde...he was in total affair denial to me at that time & probably still would have denied it, he probably would have said he needed to get away and ran into the *blonde* who just talked to him for awhile. I would have wanted to believe it, he would have been convincing. It would have gone into my gut with all the other stuff that made no sense until I finally *knew*.<P>This woman is in denial and is choosing to believe her husband. It won't come together or fall apart any faster if you contact her because all you have is supposition.<P>I'll go put on my yellow fire-retardant poncho now.<BR>

If I were you I would have hard time keeping my mouth shut..<P>If you know her well you should tell her for sure but you don't know her, so I don't know how she will take it if you tell her(I know at the end she will be thankful or relieved but at the same time it must be hard to hear this from a stranger).<P>I just hope she will come here...<P>Meg<BR>

Just a thought.<P>What is the policy at this motel regarding the privacy of guests? I know that some employees have lost their jobs by giving out information like this. Is that a risk you are willing to take?<P>(By the way, I would want to know)<P>

Hi Dylan,<P>glad you and duet are doing ok<P>what a dilemma......<P>I've sat here and thought for the last 5 minutes, knowing in my heart what I would like to do, what I should do, but WOULD I do it??????<P>GodAlone raised a very valid point. Can you afford to lose your job.? You must look after yours and Duet's interests here too.<BR>Can you make an 'anonymous' phone call to this woman? I know that is usually a very cowardly way of handling things, but maybe everyone would be protected by taking this route. And you are not the woman having an affair with her h - god forbid !!!!!!!!<P>I also hope she comes here. She needs us. If you have their address, via your records, could you put something in the mail to her? Something from here, to let her know what we are about, and how supportive we are.<P>Maybe a printout of your post.? Maybe not...<P>Like I said, I'm no use to you. I have sat here and pondered. Maybe if my job wasn't at risk, I would do it. But financially, my family comes first. They have to. I have to look after them. <BR>I know that whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you. You are such a good person, and to want to help this woman is wonderful. I've just had a thought. What about inviting her for coffee. Maybe not to your house, but to somewhere neutral. Sometimes it is so easy to talk to someone you don't know, someone who doesn't know all the players involved. You would be there for her, and just her. You don't know the family dynamics, the people, the situation. You may be exactly what she needs at the moment. Someone to just listen. You could let her know that you were so concerned about her, and wanted to make sure she was OK.<BR>I know that I would appreciate that.<P>Hope something works out for this lady. Or at least she comes here.<P>hugs to you<P>Jo