Weep,<P>I have read your posts from when you first started coming here. I remember your pain and anger. What I see today is such a dramatic difference. I just want you to know how thoughful I think your responses to others are. I sense an inner peace about you. I am so glad that you are here to share that with us. Your husband and child are lucky to have you.<P>take care <P>cleo

Dear Cleo,<P>Thank you for the words of encouragement and sharing your feeling about how I am doing.<P>I do remember being referred to this site from some other www site as I searched the net with hopes of some answers. <P>I have been very encouraged by the wonderful support and kindness and great advice of the MBers, including yourself. When I first posted, I was so worried that nobody would reply to my thread because it was pretty darn complicated, so twisted that I am still unable to sense the truth yet. But I was so surprised but uplifted to find that there are several wonderful replies from Lor, Burned Spouse, Carolina Belle, and Delphi. <P>Yes, I was so angry, violent, bitter, jealous, tired, etc.. I found sanity that others having gone through infidelity of WS have remained sane and some have treasured their marriage beyond my imagination and capability. <P>The breakthrough came when I was healed of my emotional trauma at a healing ministry. Today, I still do not love my WS, and am still deciding on what to do with my life, marriage and future. We will be counselling again. My life is still tough because the marriage is dead, but I need time to heal, and I have tried to convince my WS that he too needs to heal and not suppress everything. WS thinks that he can will it to go away but it is preventing us from rebuilding.<P>The counsellor told me to tell WS to see him because 'healing himself is the best gift he can give the marriage and wife'. I know for a long time that my marriage was a mistake - it was so one-sided. My family members all recognised that but I continued to bend like the reed to accomodate WS's selfishness. <P>WS'A could be the equaliser in our marriage, making my rights and thoughts count. Marriage was like the 'be all and end all', and pleasing the spouse was so paramount that the marriage was so lopsided. I gave too much of myself, if that is possible. Maybe by having done that was right in an ironic way because WS realises that he was so wrong and knelt at my feet several times.<P>Life is too strange by half, and I am living day by day. I really want to recover and I was just thinking how I can completely recover one day, and still find the courage and strength to post here so that I can encourage others the way you and the present MBers have done for everyone.<P>And how have you been?<P>God bless you <BR>Love<BR>weep<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited November 16, 2000).]

Weep,<P>My H and I are in our 5th month of recovery. When people describe it as a roller coaster, they are so right. Sometimes when things seem to be gliding along, the smallest bump in the road upsets things. He has been very good about calling often during the day and giving me his schedule and last minute changes. I am learning how to relate to him on his level and how to meet his most important ENs.<P>Sometimes I have vivid pictures of them together in my mind. I think back to all those notes they wrote to eachother or those sappy voice messages and feel that I will be sick. It happens a lot less now than in the recent past. I still have questions but fear that he will not want to answer anymore. He labels them as "destructive". I suppose I know enough already. <P>Things are looking up though. He is willing to do just about anything to make this marriage better than before. We are going to the seminar this weekend. I never thought he would agree but he did without hesitating. I am looking forward to it.<P>It's hard work, no doubt. I have read the statistic about it taking at least two years to recover fully more than once lately. Your pain is still realtively fresh also. It is possible for it to work. Everything has to be different though. Our relationship was not good to say the least. We have committed to doing everything differently from here on out. With your H seeming to want to make things up to you as much as he has expressed, you may be able to have your own miracle after all.<P>take care,<P>cleo