You know I have been doing a lot of thinking...i have some quiet time these days. H living on another coast, our contact left to a couple of short e-mails a day discussing nothing and maybe a 5 minute talk when he calls on his cell phone...right before he is going to hit a black out zone. <BR>I read mike999 post and really have gone back to gut feeling that my H may have slept with the OW. I am pretty trusting, but you know it just doesn't add up for me. This time last year he would disappear for hours, we all know the drill, but then he became impotent and well he hasn't touched me since, but he also says he has no desire to either. Keep in mind that our relationship in my opinion was great. If he could lie to me about where he was, I traveled a lot this time last year, why no lie about having a PA. <BR>Does it matter at this point? I mean what kind of marriage is separated by 3000 miles, he will not tell me if he is coming home for thanksgiving...(I would like too is what he says like something is holding him back) and we have no sex, he says he isn't interested (yet the girls on the websites he likes ) I am not obsessing anymore about all of this, just wondering if my math is adding up to the fact that he did have a PA and the fact that he won't have sex with me, won't share a home with me, yet says he wants to be married to me adds up...

I have to agree. It doesn't really add up. but like you said, does it matter? He had an A, whether it was E or P is just semantics. <P>I think what you need to ask yourself is if this is the kind of marriage you want. We already know that your answer is no. Apparently at least for right now it is the kind he wants. How long can you live with that? It's real hard to Plan A from 3000 miles away. <P>Ok, for whatever reason he doesn't seem inclined to come home for Thanksgiving. Is he open to you coming there? Maybe that's what he wants, and if he doesn't, what does that say to you? Is this move permanent? Are you planning on joining him in the near future?<P>I know I haven't helped much, but I wanted you to know that I'm praying for you, and whatever happens I know you will SURVIVE. (Gloria Gaynor singing in the background) lol

Thanks PamO. I have decided that I am not going to be easily accessible to him. If he wants to be with me...which i have my doubts then he needs to make the effort to come home for the holidays, call so we can chat about more than the sun. and well you know we were talking last night, before someone else beeped in on his side while he was driving and he said he would call me back...it was 4 hours later before he was heading off to bed after watching a movie that he called. I was in the shower so he left a message. You know he sounds unthrilled with this new job, he is complaining because he is staying with his boss until he can find an apartment, he is complaining that the bosses wife is too much, that he has to be on all the time, happy, social that he can't just be alone...funny thing is is that this job was going to be the end all be all for him...and he doesn't sound happy about it at all...which we all know means that it isn't me, the job, the OW the salary, the location it is him...he refuses help so I am left with no options really unless I enjoy this type of pain...which I don't not when I see that it will never go away. <BR>I have started cleaning things out here at the house. I know that I want things in order if and when the time comes. Funny these decisions seem very OK with me...2 months ago they wouldn't have been...time is an amazing thing.

i would say your H had a PA, he said same things that my WS told me before I knew their was OW.<P>JUst work on you & what makes you happy. Good Luck.