Hello all,<P>I used to be brownphdt, but forgot everything, and new e-mail. so I recap short.<P>I was married 5 yrs. W cheated, got pregnant. Not sure who was the father. She got into a mixed race relation ship. I came here a year ago. Got nowhere. Now a year later. She says she is lonley?????????????????????????????????????????<P>I went to take her some money for my oldests Soccer. then I played with the kids a bit. Then as I was leaving I asked her what was wrong. she said nothing. I asked again. She said" you really want to know?" I said yes she said " I just want to sit in your lap and cry.". <P>We went out side and just hugged for about ten or so minutes. She told me she was lonly. She asked if I ever got that way. I said yes. We just hugged, and hugged. We almost kissed too. She backed up smiling. She told me she was nervous. I said why cause we havent done this in almost 2 yrs. She said yes.<P>She also knows I have been sorta seeing someone. I called her the other night and talked to her. I told her that I really dont have anything with her, It just aint there. My heart is still with her. Even after a;ll this time.<P>I dont know how to handle this. I asked her to my dads for thanksgiving she said thanks it was nice, but no it wasnt a good Idea.<P>I went to her house the ather day and visited. Gave the kids a bath played, and helped her with something she was cooking. No hug this time. I didnt even ask.<P>I like the feeling that was there, but dont know what to do. I dont want to get in a big upset mess like last time, but want her to know that I do still love her, and want her and the kids back in my life.<P>Paul

Hey Paul,<P>Man it has been along time...I was wondering just the other day how you were...<P>I really don't know what to sat about your current development other than it may be the start down the road toward your reconciliation...I'll be prayin for ys!<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Hey bill, nice to hear back from you.<P>I dont know either. She says its to hard to do by her self. I tell her to let me help. this week we have been have descent conversations. she has atleast talked about some of her problems with me.<P>The OM ran up her Phone card to about $700. He wont call her now. She came out of the closet about her relationship. Her grand parents told her if she was going to see him; they wont see her. So who know what will happen.<P>I dont wantto really help her with money, but then again I hate to see her in a bind.<P>Paul

Paul -- I too have wondered how you were doing. I've decided that I'm not really very good at giving advice, but when I saw your name I just had to say HI.

What a confusing mess!<P>But I still have to say---if you find some love for each other and you care about these children,--- then no matter what your neighbours or in-laws or antbody else says---- do what is right for all of you!<P>I don't know your background or experiences. I'm pretty new and have very little time on the internet, but it sounds like your wife is beginning to miss you and aknowledge your presence in her life.<P>I wish you both a good outcome. Are you in Plan B?

Hello to you to EMPTYSHELL. Nice to hear from you. Your advice was great. It did help some. I will use any that I get.<P>Thanks.<P><BR>Cheerlearder, My experience have been rough. She would come around, then gone again. Its a 100 or so chapter long.<P>I too think she is starting to miss me, or at least I hope. She hasn't said it or anything. Last year I was a depressed mess. I wont get that way again. I will just lay the cards on the table and see were it will take me..<P>I bought her a card yesterday, that said if you ever want to get away from life and just hang out and talk just let me know. When I gave it to her she just said thanks. I dont even know if she read it or not.<P>Thanks for responding, Paul

Hey....BROWN!!!!!!<P>How the heck are ya?......Can't believe I am actually seeing this!!! I am not here very often...just came to post a message for the Holidays and here you are!!!!<P>I've wondered about you.....many, many times since you disappeared!!!!<P>Now - you don't really expect me to let you get away with only this speck of information about what has gone on the past year.......do you? I want waaaay more info than this!!!! <P>SPILL IT, man!!!!! What happened after your last post? Did you get a final D? When? How did the finances, custody, etc. work out? What's the relationship been like? With her? With the kids?<P>Who's your female friend? How involved are you? Are you dumping her cuz your "wife" showed an affectionate moment? Are you getting yourself all riled up emotionally again? Or did you never stop rolling with hers?<P>Oh, Brown.....you know me!!! Gotta have details, my good man!!!! LOL!!!!<P>It's soooooo great to hear from you and Thanks to God for leading me here today!!! He does work in mysterious ways........<P>BIG WELCOME BACK HUGS,<P>Sheba

Hey Brown,<P>I too have wondered about you. You were one of the ones that I had a lot to do with when I first found MB.<P>Your situation sounds so promising. From where I sit. She is making some tentative moves towards you. I hesitate to even say that, because I know how we all build 'nothing' into 'something'...... however, that is what I feel from your post.<P>You always were so good to her. I remember your last few posts, you were giving her quite a bit of money (or so it seemed) because she was short. You wonderful man. Not many men in your situation would have done that. Just goes to show the depth of your feelings for her. You were still concerned enough about her to give her money.<BR>As I said, you wonderful wonderful man.<P>Keep taking those baby steps. One step at a time. And try not to build those 'nothings' into 'somethings' !!!!!!!!!! Hard I know, but you must still look after you.<P>Glad to hear you're doing so well, whatever the outcome.<P>big hugs to you<P>Jo<P>

Hey jo, Nice to here from you too. believe me I'm trying to take those lil steps. Its seems a bit easier to do this time. I dont know why though.<P>I will keep all of you posted, PAUL

Just a thought,<P>maybe the time is now right.<P>It obviously wasn't before. Remember that beautiful saying "what is meant to be, will be..."<P>I will keep you in my prayers, and please know, that you have all my best wishes for this to turn out the way you want it to.<P>big hugs<P>Jo