I know I don't post much, But i just wanted to share ... I'm feeling really anxious, and depressed at the same time. Two years ago, right around Thanksgiving my H began (i think it was longer) an affair, with a nutcase. Two years later, and alot of hard work, and sadness, and other things i can't explain at the moment.. here I am, still married to him, but contemplating on if in fact this is how i want to live my life. <P>Well.. I think I got my answer last friday night. As i was pulling up the road to my house, I saw a car pulling out of my driveway. i got closer and noticed the car, and the license plate ( i know it by heart). <P>She sped off, I ripped a U-Turn and chased her clear across town. She then jumped on the highway, so i left it at that.. went home.. and all hell broke loose.<P>He claims he didn't even know she was there.<P>Ground Zero.<P>I don't trust him.<BR>I'm not sure I love him, <BR>and I just don't know how much more of this I can take.<P>If in fact he didn't know... is it that every year.. at the holidays.. not only am i going to be reminded of memories of her.. but am I going to have to deal with her re-surfacing? <P>I'm in such a state, I don't know what to do.<BR>I'm filled with anxiety, anger, resentment, and sadness.<P>I'm not expecting replys, since this of course was just a vent. But... feel free.<P>Thanks Everyone .. for listening.<P>Be Well<P>Tracing

Hi Tracing,<P>I'm so sorry you are feeling this way..<BR>I know trusting WS is very hard thing to do.. We are heading for a divorce but it's still hard(I now tell my H I don't trust his words:-))<P>First of all, you both are trying to work on your marriage? If so is it possible for you or your H to file a restraining order against her? If he really didn't know she was there he shouldn't against it, I think.<P>That's all I can think of.. <BR>For me one of the worst moment was NYE last year. He just came home from OW(I didn't know at the time) and he forgot leaving me any money and i was at home with no money for almost a week. When he got home I got mad at him and he was sooooo furious!(I'm sure he wished he hadn't left OW's place)<P>I was thinking about Christmas time and NYE this year. First, I will buy the nicest gift for myself, and NYE I will watch tv and have fun.. last year I was with him and it was a hell so it should be better this year..<P>Anyway.. I hope you get some answer for what you feel. I know it's hard to deal with.. <P>Take care of yourself,<P>Meg <BR>

meg,<BR>thank you so much.<BR>just knowing someone else is out there, feeling the way i do.. gives me a little solace. <BR>i wish i could make it better for the both of us.<BR>yes, we are trying. but we've also been saying that for 2 years now.<BR>i havent seen any improvement, except for me jumping thru hoops for him. wasting my time, so it seems.<BR>the restraining order thing, well that's anohter story. i promise to go into that with you if yyou would like to hear it.<BR>you can email me at "tracing paper@aol.com"<BR>if you like, if not.. we can chat here.<BR>but please, know i'll be here to listen to you also.<BR>again, thanks.<BR>be well meg.

Hi again,<P>I sent you an e-mail, but it was returned. Is your e-mail address: tracingpaper@aol.com(without space)?? anyway if not let me know the right one..<P>Talk to you soon,<P>Meg<BR>

Hello Meg,<BR> I recieved your email, so you must have figured it out, I don't think it's case sensitive.<BR> I just finished up with a big family dinner, aka "pseudo thanksgiving" since I will be out of town on the actual holiday, so i'm just about finished cleaning up. Once i finish, and change and begin to relax, I will write to you and let you know all the gory details and in's and out of the restraining order situation.<BR> Thanks for your interest, and You will be hearing from me soon. I hope you had a plesant day.<P>Be Well Meg,<BR>Stephanie

Hi tracing my H is having an A with a nutcase to. He has had to call the cops on her she gets so violent. I think he is done but we will see I keep thinking she will call me or come to my house since she knows where I live. But I have told H I will not think twice to call the cops if she sets foot on my property or calls here I will get her for harresment. Hope everything goes ok My prayers are with you

Hi Tigger,<BR> I've had no problem calling the cops on this headcase in the past, but my H wouldnt. He is so non-confrontational. Which is why we have had continual problems with her. He is the type that figures if you ignore it, it will go away. I hope your H doesnt mind if maybe you end up taking it into your own hands and protecting yourself as well. I had to do that for the first year and a half after the A, since he would not. <BR> Is your H's A over? Are you trying (i am sure you are, but is he i mean?) to rebuild your marriage? Is she still harassing you? I left my email adress somewhere in this post, if you ever need to talk or vent about similar situations, please feel free to e me. <BR> As usual I don't have alot of time at the moment to go into details, and sometimes I feel bad posting, because I'm not sure If I have any really good advise to give. But at least I have a simpathetic ear.<BR> This has been going on for two years now for me. There had been a lull in harassing activity for about 4-6 months, but I think now that the fall (when the A happened around oct - jan) and the holidays are coming up, I'm going to have to deal with her all over again. She seems to resurface around the time of year the A happened. Makes for wonderful holidays for me, and a more difficult experience for me also trying to rebuild my trust and love for my H. Which is what she is aiming for I'm sure. Even after all this time, she still wants my H. I'm almost to the point where if this continues to go on thru the holidays I'll end up giving up. I really don't know how much more I can take.<BR> If you wanted to do a search on my posts from the past, alot of my story is in there. You'll see how bad, (not that an A isn't bad enough) things got. Since then, we've been working on it, and my H has been seemingly remoreseeful, BUT.. progress is the real thing in question here, HAVE in fact.. we made any? I know noone but my H and I can answer that, but I'm having doubts, and there is only so much I can take. Due to alot of stress in my life, I don't deal well with bad situations, and find myself falling into a depression all over again. I don't want to live my life this way. I want peace and harmony. I want MY life back.<P>I wish you Meg, and Tigger, and everyone else here at MB only the best.<P>Be Well,<BR>Stephanie