I've learned that:<P>1) Don't tell your parents about marital problems. Unless the fat lady's sung. I've made this mistake, and it's a BAD one to make.<P>2) Don't go to bed angry. So cliche, but true.<P>3) Don't be afraid to talk about problems in a constructive way. Bottled up frustrations only result in the cork popping later in a very bad way.<P>4) Alcohol--only in moderation, if at all <P>5) This isn't followed by everyone here, but for me it's the FOUNDATION of our marriage--- GOD. He's to be relied upon at all times, when we (my husband and I) leave Him out of our lives, trouble follows. Inevitably.<P>6) Sense of humour--Always find stuff to laugh at (oh, laugh with, not at) Truly, laughing at the silliest, non-sensical stuff is what's given my Husband and I the salve to mend those wounds..<P>7) Be involved in your kids lives, take interest with what interests them. We have a common bond, connection with our children. <P>8) Make a date night. I know that so many of the things I'm mentioning have already been mentioned time and time again, but setting aside a "date night" really keeps it new. <P>Anyone else? <p>[This message has been edited by Kayleigh (edited November 18, 2000).]

I've learned that there is almost never any reason why I MUST be RIGHT.<P>I've learned that there is almost never any reason why someone must be TO BLAME.<P>I've learned that I can change the way others interact with me by changing the way I interact with them.<P>I've learned that some things are not as important as I used to think they were: money, things, what other people think...<P>I've learned the value of patience.<P>I've learned so many things over the last 2 years of being separated from my husband - and I truly wish I had learned them BEFORE he decided that he couldn't live with me anymore. However, better late than never. You never know what can happen, right?<P> <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

I have learned to put your marriage 1st, not your children.<P>That the date night is one of the most important things.<P>Don't assume that the stress your spouse has is work related.<P>don't think becuase we are Chirstans it would never happen to us.<P>The most important gift you can give your children are parents would love each other.<P>Don't ever take anything for granted.

That forever is a very long time.

I've learned that it's never too late.<P>I've learned that it's a whole lot easier to be happy than it is to be angry.<P>I've learned that things said in anger never go away.<P>I've learned that you should never stop dating your spouse, they fell in love with the person they dated.<P>I've learned that I'd rather be happy than right.<P>I've learned that the love I feel for my husband never was lost, I just forgot where I put it.

I've learned that:<P>Depression is the biggest destroyer of marriages, and there is no way to predict who will succumb or when.<P>No matter how well you know someone, no matter how much evidence there is that he is basically a good person, as soon as there is someone else in the picture he will turn on you and reject everything that was ever important to him. <P>You can not trust anyone, and that quite possibly you can not even trust yourself. <P>It is far better to adopt/have children without a father in the picture, because the only thing worse than never having a father is having a father who once loved you emotionally withdraw. <P>The saying "It is better to have loved and lost..." is a bunch of hogwash.

I never knew what people meant when they said you have to "work on your marriage."<P>I've learned now...probably too late.<P>I learned that feeding someones ego is not a bad thing.<P>I've learned that men want a wife, a partner, not just a mother for their children.<P>I've learned that a couple must have fun together...or they will learn to have fun apart.<P>I've learned that people, even the most self-sufficent types in the world have feelings that can be hurt badly by being ignored. I hurt my H badly every time I tuned him out.<P>I learned that ridiculing another, for any reason is hurtful and mean. It's especially hard on men, because it is emasculating.<P>I learned that the kids will survive a weekend or two at grandmas...go with your spouse on those business trips, or away for weekends just for the heck of it. That is a marriage builder. (there's nothing quite like hotel sex...sorry if I offended anyone)<P>I learned that your best friend really should be your spouse. I treated him in ways that I would never treat my friends.<P>allison

I've learned -<BR>that you cannot make someone love you.<BR>All you can do is be someone who can be loved.<BR>The rest is up to them. <P>I've learned -<BR>that no matter how much I care,<BR>some people just don't care back. <P>I've learned -<BR>that it takes years to build up trust,<BR>and only seconds to destroy it. <P>I've learned -<BR>that it's not what you have in your life<BR>but who you have in your life that counts. <P>I've learned -<BR>that you can do something in an instant<BR>that will give you heartache for life. <P>I've learned -<BR>that it's taking me a long time<BR>to become the person I want to be. <P>I've learned -<BR>that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.<BR>It may be the last time you see them. <P>I've learned -<BR>that you can keep going<BR>long after you think you can't. <P>I've learned -<BR>that we are responsible for what we do,<BR>no matter how we feel. <P>I've learned -<BR>that either you control your attitude<BR>or it controls you. <P>I've learned -<BR>that regardless of how hot and steamy<BR>a relationship is at first,<BR>the passion fades and there had better<BR>be something else to take its place. <P>I've learned -<BR>that heroes are the people<BR>who do what has to be done<BR>when it needs to be done,<BR>regardless of the consequences. <P>I've learned -<BR>that sometimes when I'm angry<BR>I have the right to be angry,<BR>but that doesn't give me<BR>the right to be cruel. <P>I've learned -<BR>that just because someone doesn't love<BR>you the way you want them to doesn't<BR>mean they don't love you with all they have. <P>I've learned -<BR>that maturity has more to do with<BR>what types of experiences you've had<BR>and what you've learned from them<BR>and less to do with how many<BR>birthdays you've celebrated. <P>I've learned -<BR>that your family won't always be there for you.<BR>It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to<BR>can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust<BR>people again. Families aren't biological. <P>I've learned -<BR>that no matter how good a friend is,<BR>they're going to hurt you every once in a while<BR>and you must forgive them for that. <P>I've learned -<BR>that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.<BR>Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. <P>I've learned -<BR>that no matter how bad your heart is broken<BR>the world doesn't stop for your grief. <P>I've learned -<BR>that our background and circumstances<BR>may have influenced who we are,<BR>but we are responsible for who we become. <P>I've learned -<BR>that just because two people argue,<BR>it doesn't mean they don t love each other<BR>And just because they don't argue,<BR>it doesn't mean they do. <P>I've learned -<BR>that we don't have to change friends<BR>if we understand that friends change. <P>I've learned -<BR>that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.<BR>It could change your life forever. <P>I've learned -<BR>that two people can look at the exact same thing<BR>and see something totally different. <P>I've learned -<BR>that no matter how you try to protect your children,<BR>they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the<BR>process. <P>I've learned -<BR>that your life can be changed in a matter of<BR>hours by people who don't even know you. <P>I've learned -<BR>that even when you think you have no more<BR>to give, when a friend cries out to you,<BR>you will find the strength to help. <P>I've learned -<BR>that credentials on the wall<BR>do not make you a decent human being. <P>I've learned -<BR>that the people you care most about in life<BR>are taken from you too soon. <P>I've learned -<BR>that it's hard to determine where to draw<BR>the line between being nice and not hurting<BR>people's feelings and standing up<BR>for what you believe <P>Peace, ~Marie<P>Note: Some of these thoughts are original, some are taken from an anonymous poem sent to me a few years back .<P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown<p>[This message has been edited by ohmy_marie (edited November 21, 2000).]

Much appreciated...<P>...and yes... it's in the <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/mb_nsr/MB_NPT.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A>!<P> <P>Jim

I've learned that at any given time for any given reason someone you love can and will leave you. Don't be naieve, or think it could never happen to you, Don't take for granted the person you love or become so secure in the relationship.<BR>I will never be tagged a mistake again....

I just wanted to say thank you. As a newlywed, I started coming to this site to get insight on some things that go wrong in a marriage and hopefully try to avoid them or deal with those instances better. The advice on this particular thread is very excellent and I thank you.

Ditto all of the above.<P>And the most important thing I have learned is that there are <B>wonderful</B> people out here who care and would be there to support you even though they themselves have their own situation to deal with. Their heart may be broken, but their love and care are still here with you all. <P>OOOO<BR>