After being unfaitful myself and having my husband be unfaitful, I have become severly depressed. I feel so sad and blue and blame myself for everything. I look towards my H for support in affection and adoration. But when i don't get it, i become depressed and withdrawn. My h told me that i act like a baby when i don't get what i want. I've tried to tell him that i just need hugs and kisses and i love you's to help me get through this down feeling. But he sais that i want to much. I'm going to the doctors to get antidepressants soon to help with the mood swings. But in the mean time i'm not sure what i should do about my H. Should i keep it bottled up inside of me or should i tell him that i am depressed and feel ugly and insecure? In the past i've told him what a low self esteem i have and my h told me that i rely on him too heavily for my own self esteem. I feel like i can't help myself and neither can my husband. Is this something that will go away? It's been 5 months since i ended my affair and 2 months since he ended his. To make matters worse, i feel even worse now because my H told me that the ow had better physical features than me. Now i'm paranoid about that. I just can't seem to lift myself out of this sad and depressed feeling. Deep down inside i feel secure about myself and confident about my body, looks career etc. But when i'm with my husband i feel this need to feel connected to him and expect him to touch and hold me all of the time. When i get lots of affection im fine, but when my husband is distand for any short period of time i get very depressed. Is it wrong of me to expect my husband to help me feel good about myself? Should i just keep it to myself until we go to counseling and i can get some help for my depression?<BR>

Not its not wrong. Your H should be your biggest cheering section. He should do all that and more willingly. And I can tell him from experience that it makes a big difference. I didn't do that fo my wife and she did have an EA over the internet. It wasn't that I didn't feel it I just didn't know how to show it. Get the anti-depressants. Get counsleing for your self for the depression. Go to a marriage counselor as soon as you can. Go by yourself if you have to. Good luck!<BR>

aandre<P>I wouldn't put too much stock in your H saying the OW looked better physically. Was this said in an argument or when he felt defensive? My H has made comments about OW that I found extremely hurtful. They were made in an argument to hurt me. I know that now, and they don't bother me too much. I also realize that this girl was 18, and never had any kids. I'm turning 30 and have had 4, I've got a stretch mark or two to prove it. <P>What do you think about your physical appearance? If you're not happy with it, or want to change something, DO IT!! But do it for you, not your H, it's the only way it will work or last.

aandre,<P>I would like to point out several things to you. One, your H is probably still in withdrawal from OW. Therefore, right now he probably isn't going to much use. Two, your own depression my be due to withdrawal as well. Do seek meds so that you can get back on track.<P>Finally, I would like to suggest that you are not asking too much from your H, but perhaps you are asking it in the wrong way. You see it seems to me his feeling of you being too needy may be part of the withdrawal. He may feel suffocated right now. However, you know that are multiple ways to get the hugs and I love you's. One of the most effect with men is to smile and just walk up and hug them.<P>I know you saying what is he thinking? But the difference is if you are mopping around or sad and you come to him and say I need a hug, you seem needy. People (men and women) are attracted to healthy people, happy people. If you decide to feel good about yourself (and the answer to your question is yes you need to deal with that yourself), and you smile, then hugging him and getting one in return is not going to be viewed by you as being needy.<P>I am willing to make a small wager, when he sees you down and need a hug or an "I love you", his guilt is tiggered big time. No one likes to feel guilty, so they try and avoid situations that make them feel guilty. Right aandre? <P>So I suspect things will get better as his withdrawal and guilt diminishes, as your withdrawal and guilt diminishes, and as you address your depression and your self-esteem.<P>aandre, my guess is that your H is feeling pretty much as you feel. He is not too proud of himself and he doesn't like being reminded how he failed you and himself. Seeing you hurting definitely reminds him of his failures. <P>Please think about this.<P>God Bless,<P>JL