I started an EA in Nov 98.I was divorced in Aug 99.Since then I'm living with the lady I had the EA with.I got custody of my son and my X got custody of the 2 daughters.<P>I started my EA at a stage when my Love Bank was running on empty (am I selfish ?), and instead of communicating I went fornicating.I love my X to the end of the earth !!<P>Dec 99 I asked her to give the marriage another try to which she consented.We went on holiday as a family and during this holiday it dawned on me that my Love Bank will be running on empty again soon enough.The result is that I called the whole reconciliation off.(Am I being selfish again ?)<P>Life went on and three weeks ago my X asked me to give the relationship another chance.<P>I don't know what to do.I am in a current relationship in which I am relatively happy, but on the other side I've got this terrible longing for my X.<P>I have to consider the kids as well-what new disruptions will be caused in their lives??I've done so much damage already.I've discussed counselling with my X, but seeing that she is a psychologist she feels that she can sort out the problems by herself.<P>I don't know what to do.<BR>If my X and I try again and it turns out to be a failure, I would have wasted a perfectly decent relationship I'm involved in now.What will the effect on the kids be if the reconciliation fails?<BR>Can this work? <P>I'm scared !

Welcome <B>djvdw</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>It isn't the affair or even the divorce that will hurt<BR>1. your relationship with your X<BR>2. your kids<P><B>It's your indecision</B>...<P>Sit down with a coundelor, if possible, and hash out a firm decision.<P>Committment ===> Work ===> Success<P>Sitting on the fence will get you nowhere!<P>Having children from the marriage would incline most people on the forum to encourage you to reconcile!<P>Don't think about failure...<BR>...it will drag you down!<P>If you have any idea of being depressed...<BR>...see a doctor (psychiatrist) for possible medication.<P>You're not alone...<P>We care...<P>...but the first few steps have to be yours!<P> <P>Jim

Thanx Jim<BR>I really appreciate your reply.<P>I spent the best part of last night milling the whole situation over in my mind.<P>I made a definate decision to go back to my X and D date will be 2000-11-25. The reason being that the kids are busy with exams, and they finish on 2000-11-24.I then have the whole holiday season to try and sort out the difficulties that definately will arise.<P>So everybody who reads this - wish my luck and pray for our marriage.<P>There is a lot of hard work before us, and I'm still scared, but-if I may, I want to share a poem I found last night on the MB site :<P>Courage<P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P>Ralph Waldo Emerson<P>Thanx<P>