Thanks for your message. <P>Most of what you said I have been doing for 18 mths. Haven't had much luck with weigth loss but have keep off what I have lost. I can go back & proff everything if & when I have to do so. <P>My thread is here I think, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/006068.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/006068.html</A> <BR>this was about 6 wks ago & I will post the update from that time later. I have to get the boys up for the bus in 5 hrs. I have got to go to bed or I will sleep in front of CNN in the morning while waiting for the groceris to be delivered. <P>Thanks again for your prayers.

Dear Sing,<P>My pastor, who is one of my marriage counsellors, advised and encouraged me to become as ravishing as I can FOR MYSELF. Not too long ago, I was a fashion model on mag covers and TVCs, etc., and put on some weight after the birth of my baby. WS's A began when when I was still trim but stopped when I was heavy with birth hormones. Guilt made him stop and the baby made him even more desperate to stop the adultery. <P>WS calls it adultery and not affair because the witch (WS calls her piece of evil sh*t) also wanted money and extorted money from him. <P>There really many reasons that people have and continue to have As. Some WS would even come up with excuses just to lay the blame on the BS. Of course there are things that we can work on to ensure that the marriage is as affair-proof as possible. In your case, you have pointed that you would like to lose more weight. There was a thread by Catplay some time ago (circa September 2000) on weight loss. <P>Now is the best time for you to focus on yourself and how you can slowly cut down on oily, starchy fattening stuff. Cut down, not cut out. You can also exercise a little more and get the boys out for walks. etc.. I am sure you have some tricks that work. Get some nice and flattering outfits (bright colours) and a good haircut and colour, a nice fragrance or bath gel, etc, to enhance your day.<P>You can also get books on stress, divorce are bad for the kids, torn asunder by Dave Carder, Bounderies, Power of a Praying Wife, Power of a Praying Parent, etc.. Leave the books for your H to see. Keep a file on clippings (Mags and Newspapers, WEB) on divorce and kids and put them in a folder so that your H sees and reads them. <P>These are short-term strategies to get the spouse to understand the ramifications their selfish acts have on the innocent ones. However, for the long term survival and restoration of your marriage, you both need to go for counselling.<P>You can commit your H to God and pray for hedges of protection around your H and marriage that no lover gets to him and vice versa. Pray also that your H awakes from the fog and see his actions for the pain and undeserved hurts he is continuing to deal his loved ones, and God.<P>Please take care of yourself.<BR>Weep

Weep,<P>Thanks again.<P>Lots of what you mentioned I have done. My H's response to Surviving an Affair was that this is nothing on how I feel. He truly believes he loves the OW & that I have made his life miserable for yrs. But he loves his sons & he use to be the strongest Christian. He has been very torn between 2 worlds. I thought Singapore was God's answer to my prayers & that everything would be fine. Guess it is going to take more work. Unless my H decides to send the boys & back to the states at the end of the school term in DEC (which would be in my opinion the very bad for our sons), have to May to change things. I think I need to recommit myself to God. My faith has been so tested in the last few months. I find going to church extremely painful, my H usually goes with us. Maybe next wk. I will write the whole story to you.<P>Are you seeing you H for the holidays? Have a Happy Thanksgiving. I pray that you can build memories that will pull your H back & if you are spending time with him that no LB's cross your lips.<P>Thanks for your words; you have been God's gift to me this week.<P>

Dear Sing<P>There are books on fallen pastors perhaps that can help your H see the devastation and incredible hurts A brings? You said he is in love with OP but God can change his heart if you commit him to God and ask that God's will be done in his life.<P>The first prayer that I prayed for my WS on D-day was that God bless him to be the exemplary father and husband so that he can walk tall and dignified and that his baby will become proud of him. WS had little fear of God although he is a Christian who likes church for the hymns (he said).<P>Sing, only God knows the hearts of men and only he can change the hardened hearts. I would have left my WS, or rather kicked him out, if I hadn't had a child by him, and my WS knows that I am sacrificing for the baby. HE says he is totally repentant. But that is only the start to rebuilding. I hope you are counselling individually as well as together. <P>I did ask WS how he would feel if I had an A, and he turned pale and said that "you wouldn't be so mean". I am thinking about my future, my retirement plans, my baby, my potential, my parents' hope for me, my godchildren, my siblings, my gifts, my life, my history. Most of all, I try to take time to grieve some, laugh some, vent some, dream some, and I want to take back my tattered life, actually it is more like ashes, and ask God to make me whole and complete again.<P>I will say a short prayer for you:<BR>"Heavenly Father, <BR>I lift 'sing's' life and her marriage into your healing hands that you may restore them into wholeness. Lord, let what you had lawfully joined together not be torn asunder by infidelity. Lord, I commit sing's husband into your hands that you may recall the prodigal son back into the shephard's flcok. Lord God, soften his hardened heart, and make him sorrowful with shame and guilt, and lead him to repent fully of his sins and adultery. Let him seek Your face again and to ask forgiveness of You, sing and himself. Lord Jesus, may you bind infidelity in this marriage and everything that is not of you be bind in this marriage, including the other woman. Lord, bless sing's family through the holidays, and help her to lean on you all her life, and to recognise and know the voice of the shephard. IJN, Amen.<P>God bless you and shine upon your life<BR>weep