My H has had an affair. He has been out of the house for 9 months. He says its over with OW. He says that he can not wait to come home, but after being her for a day or so he can not wait to leave. He just wants to be by himself. I try very hard to meet his needs when he is here and he says I do a very good job. My question is - Is this feeling normal? I think he might be feeling this over the guilt of what he has done Even though I have forgiven him for waht he has done I do not think he has forgiven himself or he doesnt understand how I can forgive him. Can any tell me how I can help him overcome these feeling Or by meeting his needs he will come around. Any advice is gratly appriciated. A side note when his mom asked him what he would have done if I did this he said he would have beaten me up.<P>Thanks

tigger.....I feel for you.....I really do...I am sure that you don't know what to do....and that confusion adds to your frustration.....<P>I was a WS.....I committed adultery....it is so much easier and nicer sounding to say I just had an affair.....but I broke a commandment.....and for that I will eternally regret....<P>I do deal with forgiving myself...my husband claims to have forgiven me.....but he brings up my indescretion often.....it has been two years since I have seen the OM.....<P>Is your husband in any kind of counseling??? to find out why he had the affair in the first place??? To find out what he thinks is lacking in your marriage??? You notice I say "what he thinks is lacking" sometimes everyone just looks at what they perceive is wrong in the marriage and focus on nothing but those things.....and do not see what is right with the marriage.....in effect they want to be unhappy to justify what they have done...I did this....but there is no justification for what I did.....none.....<P><BR>you say that he says his affair is over.....and yet he still sees the other woman???<P>please get into counseling.....if your husband won't then do it for yourself...you are that important..<P>peace

HI thanks for the reply. I am in counciling and it has been great. He still will not go but I think he is closer all the time. He went thru the house that the OW and he had together on Sat no one else was there and got everything that was his. If he couldnt get it in his truck he put it in his office there which he has the only key to. He says he will snick back when noone is there to get it or just leave it. Not much left. Most is here at my house or in a storage shed in Memphis. I know a big LB would bring up what he has done so I try very hard not to rub his face in it. I realise that some of his needs were not being meet by me I take full responsibility for that. I try to let him know I am aware of this and have changed. Well thanks for the input. I like your reponse do you mind if I print it for H?

if anyone else can help here and would appraiciate it. <P>Thanks

hi, i am the betrayer in this tangled mess i weived when i set out to deceive.<P>When any kind of contact is made, it brings the WS back to the beginning. Like all addictions, one sip and the rest is history.<P>It is going to take some time for your husband to feel out himself. I know that it takes time to find who you really are, because everything you knew and everything you are about turns to crap. You don't know who you really are. Everthing you thot you stood for is no longer you. Or it is and you have to find it.<P>i have to get to class and will be back to finish this.....i also have to make sur this posts without going to much farther....lol<P>mercy