I just got an email from my MIL who said H was going to be at Thanksgiving before he has to go to work.<P>Yikes, I'm totally freaked out. Just this morning I was thinking how the no contact was proabably better and allowed me to work on moving on without the stress of seeing him. So now this. <P>I guess I could chicken out and go pretty late and so miss out on seeing him. I could go and pretend it doesnt affect me.. ya right.Good thing I got those new clothes tho huh? I hope I dont go and start crying. Maybe she let me know so I could come late and miss him, maybe thats what he is planing......<P>HELP<BR>Lora

Oh Lora,<P>I bet you are so scared. How many weeks has it been since you've seen him?<P>I want you to go and hold your head high...look fantastic (of course!), smile and laugh with your MIL (something OW will never be able to do), give him a warm hug when you see him, then let him sit back and watch how wonderful you are.<P>Mention your trip to Arizona...your holiday plans (even if you don't have any)...get your nails done...and don't cry honey, he'll be watching you very closely. I bet he's a nervous wreck too.<P>Lora, this is your husband...we can not forget that here. This is the man you stood with and gave your life to. You KNOW him, better than anyone else.<P>I know, I am a wreck just talking to my husband, but after a few minutes, when the shakes stop we get pretty comfortable...we do know each other in every way...and soon we forget to be awkward. Just think of the wonderful times you had together and catch his eye now and then when you're remembering.<P>No contact has helped you a lot, I can tell. It's given you time to know yourself...to be the best you can be. Now, go blow them away...you can do it!<P>allison

Thanks Allison,<P>Yes, I am so scared. Its been 10 weeks since he walked out of here, and not one word since.<P>The thing is I did send him a letter 2 weeks ago and told him I was going and that I hoped I would see him there. So for sure he knows I will be there and that I wanted to see him. I called my MIL just to see if she had any more info and she didnt, just wanted me to know and be prepared and not blindsided by seeing him, or so I could choose not to come early if I wanted.<P>Thanks for the words of support,<BR>I guess I do feel stronger. I can live alone, I am contimplating life without him and I will be OK. I am not sure I even want him back if he wont make any changes, that last 2 years of his affair were hell and no way do I want that guy back in this house.<BR>Lora

OMG Lora!<P>I'm just stunned, no words coming out from my mouths <P>Yes you've got nice clothes and you will look awesome, he will be really amazed.<P>In my opinion you should go early to see him, he knows you will be there. It may be uncomfortable but it's a good chance to show him how well you are doing without him!<P>OHHHH I can't wait for your update...<P>Be well, and I'm sendind you hugs ...<P>Meg

I agree with MF...<P>Your H can't run your life.<P>Go when you like... leave when you like!<P>Look good for yourself!!!<P>Have a great Thanksgiving.<P> <P>Jim

Ditto what Jim says.<P>You can do this.<P>2 years ago, at about 2 1/2 months into our first separation the kids & I went across the state with H to his uncle's funeral. H & I ended up sleeping in the same bed with the kids on the floor in the same room. I was wearing very sensible pajamas. It obviously wasn't the only turning point of our troubles, but I do think that my H saw me with his family, realized that I considered them *my* family. It seemed to open a dialog between us. We had our first reconciliation a couple weeks later, after he broke off with the OW...that time (I didn't know about her, except in my gut. In retrospect, if she knew I went along with him, I bet she didn't like that much).<P>Anyway, just be you, be a the daughter-in-law your MIL is accustomed to & polite to your H. Be open to talking to H, but--this is only my opinion!--don't seek *him* out.<P>Take care.

Hi Lora,<P>These days I am just lurking, but wanted to respond to your post. I understand your uneasiness believe me and yet there must be a little excitement within you, too. <P>Be yourself, look great, smell great, and be the loving person this family loves and respects. He will be watching you and maybe looking for cues from you. Who knows perhaps this is just the occasion he needed to see you without asking to see you. Pride can do that to some people.<P>No relationship talk, enjoy the occasion. Be thankful for all that you have been blessed with, be thankful for the lesson that is being taught to you, thankful for the loving family and friends you have, you know what I mean.<P>You can do this, you will be just fine. Blessing to you, MT

Lora,<BR>You can do this Lora,we are all supporting you.I will be talking to you.<BR> <P> love and Prayers,Beth

Ditto to the other posts about looking good, smelling good. Light on the fragrance, no garlic beforehand.<P>Just be your sweet self! Happy thanksgiving.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Well, my counseler thinks it was divine intervention. Because I was finally accepting that there was some good in his being gone and thanking God for getting me through this and letting go..... then things start to happen.<P>Meg, thanks. LOL No words coming out of my mouth either... I was in shock. I just hope I can recover by thursday.. dont want to do the silient treatment like he does.<P>Thanks Jim. <BR>I will go as planned and do what I want. If I dont have a stroke first.<P>Lor,<BR>Yes, I dont really want to get into a discussion with him about our relationship or anything, or make him feel smothered. I feel so nervous. But maybe this was a way for him to see me in a safe environment, who know what he is thinking.<P>MT,<BR>Thank you for the advice. I will read it before I go and try to be that person... The one I think I am , but am not always sure I show through my defensiveness and hurt.<P>Beth, I know you are pulling for me... thanks.<P>Belle, <BR>good to see you posting more, I missed you. Your down to earth attitude and advice is always appreciated.<BR>Lora<P><p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited November 21, 2000).]

Lora,<P>Know that prayers will be with you Thanksgiving. You can do it. JUst show him how wonderful you are & enjoy your time with your family because they are your family also.

Lora,<P>Just do it. Be youself. You still are the daughter-in-law to your MIL. Your H will see who you really are.<P>have a happy thanksgiving. <P>OOOO

Hi sing and OOOO,<P>Thanks for the good thoughts. I will be thinking of all of you tomorrow and pray for a wonderful day for you too.<P>Lets all give thanks for what we do have.<BR>Lora