Two nights ago my H came and leaned over me on the couch to say goodnight. He put his face near mine, and I kissed him on the cheek. He won't put his lips near to mine, nor will he touch my cheek with his lips. Then he went to bed.<P>I felt an actual physical coldness creep into my heart. All this counseling, all my Plan A, and he can't kiss my cheek. I wonder, has anyone else felt such a sensation when their spouse is rejecting of them? <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Belle,<P>Last month we went for about 4 weeks when I had had enough. My H is the WS. He told me he hadn't put any effort into our short marriage (9 months). I don't know if I felt coldness per se, but we slept apart and didn't communicate AT ALL. I came and went and he came and went. I would lay awake in our bed - alone - and my heart hurt so much I could feel the outline of my heart (or so it seemed). I think I experienced something along the line of what you're saying. It's hard to describe.<P>I can say that today is one of our better days. We started talking again last week while I was away on business. Last night we started talking about our marital problems and for the first time, I feel as though we are working together.<P>I'm allowing him to take responsibility for his actions as well as for his share of our recovery (i.e., getting back into counseling, going to AA meetings). He stopped going to counseling with me some time ago, but now he's back individually and I've continued right along. I look forward to the day we start joint counseling.<P>I don't know too much about your situation and I'm sorry to hear you're sleeping on the couch. Are you there most nights? At least we have spare beds (when the kids are with their other parents).<P>Good luck to you! <P>(Lady)K

To Free2BMe:<P>" and my heart hurt so much I could feel the outline of my heart (or so it seemed)." <P>I understand. You really can feel the pain in your heart. Sometimes the cold rises up to just below my throat. I understand what they mean when they say "broken heart".<P>It sounds like things are warming up for you, I'm glad. If you're talking you're doing better.<P><BR>AA helps those with drinking issues. Good for him.<P>"I look forward to the day we start joint counseling."<P>I hope you find a counselor who believes in marriage.<P>I am back in our room again. We have a spare room with a comfy bed. When I feel too lonely I can sleep better alone. It's hard not touching the man you love when he's 18 inches away from you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Yes, Belle--Dday ws nearly four months ago. he has not kissed me, not asked how I was--even the day I got in a car accident. He almost sounded annoyed. I have been to a chiropractor 4 days a week since(Oct 27) and still he never asks.<P>We have returned to sleeping together, but nothing happens(not since A started May '99.) I have been increasingly cuddly lately(h*rn*)and he sighs. We hardly talk anyway. We can go nearly whold weeks with more than hello and good bye. I say "I love you" when ever he leaves or after phone calls. His response used to be automatic. Now it is strangely absent. Pregnant pause, if you will.<P>Finally last night I asked him if he ever thought about sex with ME, he said "honestly, no." I asked if there was a possibility, even just straight/quick, and he didn't say no! I won't take him under duress, though.<P>Got to go--

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