It's been a year in recovery now. H's heart has never really been in the relationship due to so many hurtles that he personally needs to overcome. (NEWS TO ME!!) I've been patient with his affair, we separated, he continued the affair, and then ended it when he decided to work on our marriage. <P>His words say, "I want out" but his actions are that he's in limbo. States divorce is the only way he is going to get over those hurtles (his resentment from pain I have caused him in the past, etc.) I mean...I can forgive him for his recent affair during our marriage, but he can't forgive me for things I did in high school!<P>I'm frustrated. I want to save this marriage, but I want his behaviors to change as well. I don't like the person he has become in the last few years (the bitter, angry, mean person who doesn't really love being with me). I want the person I used to know, who is devoted to me and our family. He claims the mean person is the "real" him. I don't believe that. I believe these are just behaviors...a choice he makes...not the real "him".<P>I feel he's running away....But, I don't know what else I can do to keep the marriage together any longer. Undoubtedly, he still has feels for the OW and isn't attempting to "purge" them. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall for absolutely no reason.<P>I've accepted the fact that he wants a divorce and am okay with this, but It isn't what I want. I want my husband back.....the one who forgives, lets go of his anger, and attempts to make some deposits in my bank, as well as allows me to make deposits in his.<P>I don't want to walk away without feeling I've done everything I could to safe this. Dr. Phil (from Oprah) says you have to earn your way out a relationship. He hasn't. I don't feel I have either. What can I do??<p>[This message has been edited by Rachelb25 (edited November 27, 2000).]